I have a question for some of my fellow men?

Question

I have had the privilege to speak with some of the prestigious men who frequent the GWS forum. And I’ve received some genuine, interesting, and disturbing responses to some answers that I’ve posted in the past. One that brought forward an abundance of replies from some of the guys here was in regards to a question that was posed about Men who’re victims of Domestic Violence. I don’t have the link to the post, because it was quite some time ago; but the question was in regards to what exactly are feminist (specifically) doing to combat the growing awareness of men involved in abusive marriages/engagements/relationships? Since this was a heated issue of debate and some of the posters felt very passionate in their responses of anger towards feminist for their lack of action on the issue, I just thought I would ask some of the guys here, if there was action being taken by feminist to combat the issues:

1. Which feminist group do you feel would be better suited take on such an issue (because there are number of them out there) which one do you feel has the strength in numbers, public backing, the funding, and most influential leadership to deal with such an issue?

2. (If you where the leader of this group) what would your campaign pitch be to bring this issue to the fore front? And how do you think these women should tailor their campaign based on the strategy you chose? (Would you pay for T.V. adds?, Would you march on Washington?, Would you sit down with individuals who’re male victims of domestic violence? Using their testimony of encounters as a key basis for your argument in regard to the need for such gender specific programs?) How do you feel they should approach the issue?

3. How do you feel about the fact that possibly, there are no male organizations that are tackling the issue of female on male domestic violence? If you’re angered by this, would you be willing to start an organization tailored to the unique needs of male victims? Many feminist in the past have quit full time jobs and became fulltime activist for their cause, would you be willing to make the same sacrifices in the name of men world wide? If there are all male organizations that are combating this issue, have you joined them in their fight to bring the truth to the light? What are your contributions to the organization?

4. How do you feel about government funding programs for male victims of rape/sexual assault? Would you volunteer for such an organization and would you be willing to be an advocate for your fellow brothers in need?

5. Which ‘acts’ would you bring forward to. congress for approval to assist male victims?

I’m not saying you have answer all these question, I only pose them because I see plenty of people complaining about issues that are specific to their gender, but I never see anyone offering (or working towards) a solution? The most I hear from a lot of our male counterparts is why isn’t there a Gender and Men’s Studies Forum? Which would be fine, but I wonder if this is really a serious enough topic to address? I wonder if fighting against the wrong doings of feminism and yahoo for not having a GMS forum supersedes the dire need for such services to be offered to male victims? Your thoughts please? I ask that you be responsible, honest, not point the finger at feminist or women, but search within yourself and ask what would you do to combat the issue? If you have time (or feel like it), please show research for your proposals? Thank You

Answer 1

I would say that more needs to be done, but I would not suggest that it is not sexist to only help one s*x.

I don't think that someone must quit their job or volunteer for this cause among the many other causes in order to voice that domestic violence is wrong under any situation.

Edit:  you said "my question is what do YOU want to do to become a solution vs. adding to the problem of people complaining about it. " ... you said it's a problem for people to 'complain' about it... as if you must quit your job and work there to voice an opinion;otherwise it's a problem of complaing... or does that only apply to men(that's why I asked if women can voice their opinion without quiting their jobs and working there, or are they complaining too).

Basically, if you're simply saying that people should do more to help one another and take it beyond words.. I would entirely agree. I'm just saying that it's not 'complaining' to say that men shouldn't be abused. What if one were to say that it's complaining to state that women shouldn't be abused?

Yes, I know people thumb down when they disagree... and all I've stated was that violence against men and sexism against men is wrong... I suppose some people disagree with that. Why should feminists not fight for sexist laws? ... hard to answer that question, or maybe it's too simple.. that sexism is wrong. This is not against you... just about the concepts.

A person of true equality would hate all forms of abuse instead of questioning why they, as feminists, need to fight against all abuse instead of just female abuse.

Answer 2

Tasha my respect and regard for you has grown many folds since you asked this question.

It takes a real woman of subsatnce to ask a question like this in GWS and for that i'am deeply touched and happy that we have ladies like you in this section now.

I wont give nay links or logical talk just bare my heart:

I'am from india and i was supposed to get married but then my elder brother got charged with a false dowry harrssement case by his wife just because he wanted to divorce her.

He found out that she had lied about her age to get married and arranged marriges are very real in india.Today my whole faimly is going through h**l because the dowry law is a criminal law and only the womans verison is taken as the truth.

Why does this happen to innocent people?

Today i cannot think of even having a relationship with an indian woman because i fear she might use this powerful and biased dowry law to destroy me if there is a quarrel.

Read the Domestiv Violece Act in india Tasha !!

In uk they are now going to give preference to women even if the male is more meritorious for a job.

This is what gets to you as a human the injustice.

Then you have toi face the fact that you crave for love from the opposite s*x and yet because you know too much and cant do much you just are bitter.

It is not easy to be a man in the 30s and being single and having known the bad side of womens empowerment.

It can really put you in agony especually if you dont hate the oppoite s*x.

That is why i fight now for these men who are victims of injustice and misuse of blind laws.

One day i will find a woman and i will not hold back and love her but for now it looks impossible.

I have become your fan not only becuase you are a war vet but also because you have the guts to think out of the box.

GOD BLESS!!!

Answer 3

I will try to give you the short answer. I believe in equal rights. That mean what is good for the Goose is good for the Gander. You should not discriminate against either s*x for any reason. Yes, men are ashamed to admit that they are the victims of abuse. But, I think only about 30% of women report rapes and how many women fell down the stairs when they live in a one story house. I don't think we need new laws, we have too many as it is. The law should apply to everyone, not one s*x, one race, one religion, or one anything.

As far as my involvement goes, I speek about it to friends but have never volenteered or gotten involved. I just think that the Decloration of Independence was written wrong. It should be "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all 'people' are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness".

I hope you can see my point of view on this issue. The law is there just get the police and the courts to enforce it.

Bill

Answer 4

Regardless of whatever politics you have, or how you feel about feminism, if you have been raped or assaulted, please contact one of the links below. If you don't like the reaction you get at one, go to the next. Most of these lines are staffed by people who do know where you are coming from. The services are free, confidential and you can remain anonymous. Talking to someone who understands is a first step to your own healing.

~*~*~*~

What a great question. I'm very keen to hear the responses.

I'm privileged to have met a couple of women who, "way back when" were among the group which fought to open Australia's very first women's refuge.

No government funding, intense harrassment and rafferty's rules.

But they got the job done and continued to build on that work, creating a network of women's refuges, rape crisis centres and self help projects.

They fought for, and successfully, achieved, some government funding, which enabled the training and employment of qualified personnel to assist the unpaid, volunteer labour (many worked by day in order to do fundraising and activist work at night and on weekends, some had part time jobs to enable them to be committed to making the differences they wanted to see in the world).

Anyone can do the same, but as the women's movement has found, it's not an overnight thing.

It takes time, and the opposition to any grass roots organisation is really strong.

But if they try hard enough, and are committed enough, anyone living in a western democracy can achieve positive results for their cause. ***

Mostly they don't because they are too busy waiting for someone else to do the work for them ~ "the government should" or "Someone should ...", we have all heard the comments, probably all said similar things ourselves over time.

Fortunately, some men have been busy working to help others, and have really achieved great results. This is true not only in the g*y community, hetero men have also been hard at work.

Additionally, most rape and dv services set up by women also offer support to men.

Children are another big focus for services from both perspectives, no-one wants to see crimes against children go on!

Some links below.

(*** People in other cultures have had similar successes, but in some places run a great risk of personal injury and even death, due to their activities.)

Cheers :-)