I have a real big problem and need real advice?

Question

i have been with my partner for 7 yrs lived together for 6 and we have a great relationship i have three children two from a previous marriage and youngest from previous boyfriend my eldest (12 )and youngest (9 )children get on with and love him very much but my middle child seams to hate him my partner has tried so hard bless him and has just had enough i can't say i blame him!

The only thing is i feel i am stuck between them and what ever i do or say i'll upset one of them!

I love my children very much and would do anything for them but it seams the only way my son would be happy is if i broke up with my man and why would i want that!

The other thing is that my son can be very crapy to anyone, he's 11 yrs old and has had an arrogance about him since he was little child

so what anyone say' s to him they are wrong he also hates his little

brother although he has no reason to be jealous of him at all! Even his previous head teacher said he needs a kick up the but I really don't know what i can do i've tried everything seams he'd only be happy if he had me to himself.

I can't get rid of people i love what does he expect me to do?

The trouble is if something does'nt get sorted out i might lose my man and two of my children will lose their step-dad

My 2 eldest children don't see their biological dad cos he was violent and when arrangements were made through the divorce court my ex signed all parental rights over to me and didn't want anything to do with them! I left ex husband when so was 2 mths old and my youngest does'nt see his dad for other reasons so they have only ever know my man as the most dominant male role model in their lives x

please if anyone can give some advice it would be so helpful don't want my familly torn apart because of this behaviour

many thanks in advancex

Answer 1

whatever you do dont give in to your 11 year old. Stand firm, be fair but dont give in. whatever you do make sure you and your man are on the same side when it comes to discipline. The 11 year old will constantly test you both, but eventually will come round. How do I know, because it has happened to me. I can tell you it taken 3 years but it has turned out just fine. Be patient and dont give up.

Answer 2

I think your son needs to go get mental help from a doctor and maybe you should seek family counseling go to a good church or something pray to the lord jesus christ. Plus ask your son why he doesn't like him maybe it might be something serious and maybe it could be fixed. Oh and i think middle children need more attention b/c the oldest and the baby gets more attention. You and your partner should take him and only him on a day out and treat him good and talk to him.  Oh and get married  

Answer 3

Aw, sounds like a very difficult situation.  I would let your son know that you're not on his or your partner's side, you are neutral.  If his behaviour is really out of hand, do let him know that it is unacceptable and punish him accordingly.  He's at that difficult age, and give it a few years, he'll probably see the error or his ways.

Answer 4

You definitely have your work cut out for you with your son.  Parenting classes may be helpful, provide you with some new tools.  Certainly researching the internet can offer you some good direction in shaping your child's behavior.

A good site is

www.mybabyconnection.com/ParentingArti...

I read this particular article, and really appreciate how well it addresses the challenge.

There are books out on effective child discipline, but they take time to read.  A short article that gives you clear insight and direction would be more useful at this point.  You may find additional articles that are specific to what you are dealing with.

  

Answer 5

well may be ur partner should take him out sometimes just him and your little boy get him to become more close to him so its just them time i take my hat off to u for going through all of that and carrying on and finding someone like that it must be hard for your partner but the only he can do is to try and bond with him  

Answer 6

Ahhh middle child syndrome perhaps? Often the middle child can feel over looked and out of place and it isn't uncommon for them to act up in this way for attention or to make an identity for themselves. I think its up to you to sort this out with your son. Why don't you spend some time alone with him, maybe take him out for the day just the two of you? Explain to him about the situation. i think its important to tell him how much you love him but also that you love your partner to and won't be leaving him. Don't raise your voice and stay calm even if he does act up. Just calmly explain that he has no reason to act the way he does and that its not going to change anything - ask him if there is anything you can do to make the situation easier. I think its important to take time out with him because I think he feels left out and over looked. At the same time though, you do need to make him aware that his actions aren't going to achieve anything.