I have a really bad anger problem advice needed please???

Question

right i'm 24 i have a 4 year old daughter who i love more than life it's self but she's a typical 4 year old and has the usual tantrums etc........ but i cannot control my temper when it comes to dealing with this and i've done some despicable things, i've punched her and just today i threw a plastic jug at her. i know i need help and want it too but i'm scared to tell anyone in case the social services get involved and take her away because despite being a really bad mum i do really love her so much, please can anyone suggest anything any advice would be grateful, please don't suggest counting to ten because it doesn't work. this is a very serious question, and yes you may want to leave me nasty comments about being a bad mum etc, and feel free i deserve it but i'm looking for help not criticism.

thank you in advance.

Answer 1

You need to realize that your daughters actions are not a reflection of you.

You need to realize a 4 year old is just beginning to learn right from wrong and your behavior and actions are damaging her and will most likely give her emotional issues later in life, not to mention injuries now. Why are you angry? I can guarantee that the reason is not the 4 year old's fault.

Punishing and then hugging and saying I'm sorry undermine discipline, striking your child is completely unnecessary and your struggle for control of the situation, puts her in control.

Step back, quiet your Ego, the voice in your head that is so angry. If counting to 10 doesn't work, then perhaps it needs to be 10000.

**************************************...

Is harming your daughter worth anything?

Does it solve any issue?

Does it make her quiet?

Does it make either of you happy?

NO NO NO NO.

Stop making excuses for yourself, for the situation, for your actions. Things are what they are, Teach yourself and your daughter some control, go for help and support. Put her in day care and get some therapy and take some parenting classes.

You are in charge of your own madness, Control yourself and your daughter will learn from your example. Her response does not demand the same response from you, you are there to teach and raise her. If you can't do it, let someone else.

Answer 2

My best advice to you is a couple of things:

First of all, please PLEASE see a therapist or psychologist.  Discuss your anger and let them help you figure out why you feel so much anger and how you can deal with it.  Children are so precious; I was unable to have any although I badly wanted them, and to see someone abuse them just tears my heart in two.  But even as important, it hurts YOU too.  The damage you do to yourself in abusing your child is horrible, and those two reasons are enough for you to seek help.

They do NOT just take away your children if you seek help.  The fact that you are SEEKING help is a good sign and they recognize that fact.  Hiding it makes it worse, not better.  Don't wait for a school teacher or concerned neighbor to report you to Child Protective Services because your child has bruises or is developing social symptoms of an abused child... trust me, those people know how to recognize those signs.

If for no other reason than this... protect your child!  Even from yourself.  If you find yourself losing your temper with her, you HAVE to make the effort, hard as it is, to step back, take a deep breath and, yes... count to ten.  Sing a song.  Do jumping jacks.  Anything to give yourself time to cool down.  Take a neighbor or friend into your confidence, and if you find your temper out of control, take the child to that person and ask them to watch her for just a bit, so you can calm down.

You're not angry with your child, you're angry about something else.  See a therapist/psychologist and let them help you find out what that is, and help you learn how to deal with it in better ways.

I am always available to discuss things with, as just an ordinary everyday person with what I believe to be a good head on my shoulders.  Sometimes that's all it takes is someone to talk to.  If you would like to e-mail me at [e-mail], I'll be happy to start up a correspondence with you, but I urge you sincerely to see a therapist.  If you cannot afford it, talk to someone anonymously at the Child Protective Services and tell them you want help.  That's their job, really, is to help you find the resources you need for your children's health and well-being.

My best wishes and heartfelt hope for a long, happy life for you and your child.

Answer 3

i suggest you stop this immediatly, try hitting the wife instead she prob deserves it

Answer 4

u know u luv her u do right more than any thing right

so when she starts crying or being fussy

first stop her ask her what happened if she continues crying and u get really mad go outside  and take deep breaths cry as much as u want then go inside and splash cold watter on ure face

i had really bad anger problems

but life is to short and id rather enjoy with my loved ones than putting fear into there mind and kids are different sum if there parents get mad at them they will still luv the parents and say sorry

and those who will not talk to there parents and get mad

hav ur 4 year old helpin cooking cleaning she will get emotionally attached to u when she cumes back from scool

ask how her day was and even if u dont get wat shes saying keep saying okay good kindly and always hav maximum time to do everything with her if u havsum frustraton  dont take it out on her wen she comes act like nothin has went wrong

be the best mom in the world let her share everytthin with u if shes cryin and u ccant stop her

well if i was a mom i wud start cryin to cuz i would never want my baby to be in pain

whenever shes good thhe whole week take her to get a new toy and if shes bad make her sit in her room on sundays and explain that this week if shes good u will take her her fav place or get a toy

and for 15 minutes let her be in her room alone and if she crys let her

after 15 minutes give her a hug and kiss and say soorry nicely and say  if this week most of the time shes good she will get rewarded

dont make me cry please ddont be mean to a little kid

im cryin but reallly hope this helps u

dont make anythin in the world make u think that ur a bad mom

bye

thanx and god bless u

Answer 5

I have two teenagers but remember the age of 4 very well.  I was more patient with the second one.  You must immediately put her in a time out when she has a tantrum.  Put her in her room and clearly state that she cannot come out for "set time" and walk out.  This gives you time to calm down as well.  It may take a few times but be firm and eventually she will get that you mean business.  When she is allowed out make sure you discuss why she was put in there.  

Answer 6

i would lock you in a room then kick the S**t out of you. this would make you think about you actions.

Answer 7

Go to your doctor!!!

Explain about the temper and explosive outbursts. (I wouldn't mention punching your child, or by law, he/she will have to call social services)

Help yourself!! If not for you...for the sake of your child!

It may be as simple as taking an anti-depressant or it may need to be more involved with counseling...but whatever you and your Dr decide, please follow through!!!!!

Do it today, right now!!! Make the appt or just walk in! Your child depends on you and you have to do whatever it takes to make sure you give her every opportunity that she needs to grow up strong and healthy!

I doubt that you are a bad Mom...just a Mom that needs some help. Depression is a real physical illness and anger often is a symptom.

God's blessings to you!!

Answer 8

you must pay your heart on her,when you are angry ,you must control and think about you love her so much and can not do anything to hurt her! take care!

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Answer 9

If she has a bad tantrum, pick her up and put her in a room. Lock the door. Let her cry it out. Just leave her and maybe get ear plugs if the screaming is making it worse. Don't hit her or do anything too nasty, this is a good way to tell her your boss and you wont take any nonsense. Hope this helps a little.

Answer 10

4yrs are annoying

An unusual technique that people i know use is hugging the child, this can be used instead of hitting and stuff, plus, you feel better and this can decrease her tantrums

Another way is to get playmates for her, this can also help you, but i warn you to control your anger

The best approach i take is using a stress ball, whenever you get angry just squeeze the ball, releases ur anger in a healthy way without hurting ur daughter.

Answer 11

go to the dr's and see them, and see if they can get you onto

counselling, are you, depressed by any chance, if so , then i would ask to see  counsellor ,A.S.A.P.  otherwise if some one else  you, know or your daughter may accidentaly mention what has happened .

to her friends ,

so, if i were you, go and see someone straightaway,about it.

otherwise ,some one at her school, see's the marks /bruises on her

they will end up , doing what you do not want.

it will not come from me, and that is a promise,

i can tell you .

good luck,

Answer 12

hi, if she annoys you and doesnt listen to you, get down to her height level and say "No!" with a serious face. Then just walk out of the room. I think walking out will help you to relax and think about things- and also there will be less chance of you hurting her. Hopefully she'll improve, but good luck until then.

Answer 13

You do not deserve a child, give her up for adoption and she will have a much better life without you. And if you are really angry and feel like harming her, jump off a cliff!

Answer 14

She is only 4 you are pathetic to hit your child people like you make me sick you say you love her so why hit her?

Go to your doctor they arent allowed to tell anyone or a therapist you need mental help if you want to hit your kids!!

You say you love her? would it be okay if one day she was annoying you and you were chopping up stuff and you get so annoyed you lash out with the knife? but of course even if you beat her to death its all okay because 'You Love Her'

You should WANT social services to get involved you already admitted that your a bad mother do you really want to put your child at risk? If you love her do the right thing send her to her grandmas or a friend while you work this out dont put her in any more danger.

And PLEASE dont hurt her anymore she is only inocent.

And yea my answer might be a nasty comment but i feel strongly about things like this.

Good Luck.

Answer 15

If you love her so much go get some help. Ask your G.P about anger management. Instead of picking things that she does to annoy you imagine everything she does is annoying and learn not to re-act to any of them.  

Answer 16

Let out your anger , but not on your child on a pillow or go seek help anger management

Answer 17

you need to find a therapist for yourself right away so they can help you expel your anger in the proper way. find an anger management class and group to talk about the feelings you're going through. there are people out there to help you get through this and if you don't look now someone WILL take her away. they don't take your kids away because you're trying to get help they take them away if you let the problem persist. if you start to feel your anger rising IN ANYWAY leave the room! once you've calmed down then go back out and put her in her room so you can deal with what ever set you off... that'll take care of her punishment and it'll give you time to cool off and clean up whatever mess she made.