I have a really depressing problem to deal with..?

Question

I love my girlfriend more than anything in the world, please do not question that, because i do. We started dating when we were sophomores in highschool we were both 15, i cheated on her when i was 16 years old twice, primarily cause she was my first...and i wasnt sure if what i was feeling was real or not...after being dumb as h**l...i realized i love my girlfriend more than anything in the world. We are 20 years old now, I told her about one of the experiences not about the other(both were around same time), after we had that talk i vowed to change my ways and be a better man, since then everything has been great...and she has started to be happy again, and she loves me again, and i love her so much.Its been 4 years since the incident and I have been what i should have always been, i never look at other girls, i appreciate the one i have, but i still have live with the fact i never told her about the other one, most people i talk to say "it was around the same time and you talked with her you both got over depression, and you started to love each other again dont bring her down again when you are done with your ways she just got over the last one." I want and need to be with her, I want to tell her, at least eventually i dont know if that is selfish or not, but i want to tell her when i am positive she will stay with me, people tell me to just zip my mouth shut..but...I love her so much, i want us to be a happy married couple in the future. I cry everyday? im a grown man what the ****...what should i do? please help me, please dont tell me to break up with her now...especially whens shes happy im so confused :(

Answer 1

well,i have one question for you?what good is it for both of you if you tell her now about the other cheat you made?will it make you a better person or a better man?do you think that your girlfriend will accept it and what will she feel?and on the other hand,if you will not tell her, what good will it make for both of you?you know you should try to weigh the good and bad things that may happen.there is a saying that says, "It is better not to tell someone you love regarding your skeleton in the closet if you know you'll end up hurting the person". i heard a counselor once on a radio who told a husband, who also had a problem about cheating, that although he has the right intention or correct motive for trying to tell his wife about the cheat, he should just focus now on their relationship and just make amends by making his wife more happier than ever.since you also mentioned that you intend to marry her, well you know i think you should try praying and confess what you did to the LORD and after that you can start forgiving yourself also.

Answer 2

Look I would not bring it up anymore because it was done and I think you should be happy that you make her happy adn she would not want that ruined what happened in the past is the past and so it is not worth bringing something back up from that long ago.

I am 22 and been with my partner of 5 years and I used to have a crush on one of his mates and I never mentioned it and shouldnt feel bad because its the past besides your not lying by not telling her you just left out some details, so just be honest from now on and learn to accept what has happened and can not change. If you tell her now you will lose her and she will think she can not trust you anymore. your not lying by not telling her but you will be lying if you repeat the story with more details as she will think you have left more out etc.

let it go mate and move on!

Answer 3

OMG your poor thing. I can not believe you have felt this way for so long. It is my opinion you tell her the truth. Eventually the truth will ALWAYS come out. No matter what. You might as well be up fron and honest. Especially if you want to marry her. Do you really ant to marry her with this lie in your past.

You obviously care for her a lot. And if she feels the same way, I think you don't have anything to worry about other than a month or so of tears every time she looks at you. But at least your being honest. Right?

I don't believe in lies even little ones. I think they are always going to hurt the other person. If not when you tell them, when they eventually find out the truth.  

I don't care if you pick my answer to be the best one. But if you ever want someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to shoot me an e-mail or MSN or AIM. Whatever lol. And please don't cry anymore. I can't stand for people to be sad. =]

Good luck!

Answer 4

Tell her. If it's beating you up inside, you need to get it out. My boyfriend and i were together almost 2 years, and I lied to him about stupid things, but it was always in the back of my mind that he would find out and be even more mad at me. We recently broke up and it was because we both hid things from each other. If she really loves you she'll forgive you for it, especially if it was years ago and you're both happy now and she realizes you won't do it again. If you're not honest now, she won't think you will be honest in the future..

Good luck.

Answer 5

You are a good man! Telling her would only hurt her again. Telling her would also be your way of getting it off of your shoulders and onto hers. You obviously lover her too much to do this. You were young and frankly, I think that did what you had to do to make sure for the both of you that you were not mistaking s*x for love. Telling her would only ruin both your lives. Please, as a woman with experience in this area, I would not want or need to know this. Please don't tell her. It is in the past and you were a kid when it happened. You are still a kid in many ways. But the part of you that is a man, you love your girl with all your heart. You are the man that women dream about having in their lives. She is so, so fortunate to have you and you have done nothing wrong. You are not one of those men who s***w around for fun and think nothing of the other person's feelings. You can have the girl of your dreams and vice versa. Marry her and live a long and happy life. Put this behind you, please. It's not a part of your lives any longer. Go have a happy life with your sweetheart.

Answer 6

I would not tell her us girl will start a big thing about it and use it against you guys...so don't say a thing