I have a serious relationship problem; who should I be with? Help me please!?

Question

I have a serious dilemma...

There is this one girl, who lives about 40 minutes away from me. We both have very strong feelings for each other and both want to eventually live in New York together. However, her personality is less geared towards having kids and settling down; she wants to travel a bit and go into the art field, which tends to be more freelance and not rooted down. When I finish college, she will be a senior in college. She is a great girl, and we have a very strong connection.

On the other hand, I have a girl that loves me but who lives in Hong Kong. I have been over there to visit her once, and it was great. We had a great time and a great connection. She is one school year ahead of me in college. She is much more geared towards having a family and living at home, much more than the other girl. She is creative, but does not want to be freelancing and artistic like the other girl. She does not want to travel, but wants to just live with me and have a family once it's convenient.

I really need your help everyone...I feel so strongly for them both but I of course can only be with one. I am in such a dilemma that I'm reaching out to you all for help. Please take this seriously, and thank you so much in advance for your answers.

P.S. - Keep in mind that throughout college I will be able to see the girl in Hong Kong maybe once a year, while the other girl I will be able to see more often, like once a month or more. Also keep in mind that the girl in Hong Kong is much more geared towards settling down (either in HK or NYC), and that's what I want SOMETIME in the future.

Thank you so much

Ryan R.

Answer 1

pick the one u get 2 c more often, i mean if anything was 2 happen then im sure she would then want that u know. (getting prego) u popping the big question.good luck

Answer 2

Well, the one that is here with you now doesn't share the same goals as you.  the one in Hong Kong does.  If they are both great people it makes it hard but the one that seems best for you right now is the one in Hong Kong because she shares the same goals as you and dreams for the future.  Ultimately you're the only one who can decide who the right girl is.  Why not date them both until you can figure that out?  Have fun, you're still young and still have time on your hands.  Good luck!

Answer 3

Only YOU can make that kind of decision. You didn't shed any light on anything about the girls ages or emotional maturity. You can make a more informed decision than we can.

Answer 4

To answer your concerns about the girl in Hong Kong getting upset once a month-could it be around the time she gets her period? You will go through that once a month no matter who you choose. The other girl who was once unstable, but is now on better ground-could she be on a medication that has made her more stable?  The girl in Hong Kong sounds like she is more compatible for you. If and when you marry someone, you must be able to live in harmony with that person. It sounds like that harmony would only come from the girl in HK. If you were to marry the other girl, you would be forced into a life style that you would not choose for yourself. And she may never want to settle down and live the life you want to live. A long distance relationship is hard, but if you can make it in that relationship until you are both ready to settle down, I think you would have a good chance of having the "happily ever after". Marriage is not easy. You should start off with someone who is comfortable with the life style you want.

Now for you. If you love this girl in HK, why are you with the other girl? Do you think the girl in HK senses that you are not being faithful? No marriage can make it with dishonesty. Perhaps you need to examine your own mothives. It really is not OK to tell one girl you love her while you try to decide if you want another girl. Its not fair. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Idk if you can mantain a relationship on one visit a year? phone calls, ims and stuff arent enough to make a serious relationship, especially if your gonna marry her. Id say either go with the girl that you get to see often, or find a local girl that has same interests as u.

Answer 6

You have to ask yourself how long in the future it will be before you settle down. If you want to settle down quickly then you should probably go for the woman in H.K, but, if you want to spend some time working and getting a life before settling down, then maybe this is also what the N.Y girl wants - you also need to ask her this. Think about how long you want to spend on each bit of your life, and also think about the fact that you will probably create a much stronger connection with the girl from NY, as you will be able to see her much more often.

Answer 7

Hi Ryan,

I can tell you are torn between two women who obviously love you, and whom you love as well. But you're right. You can only be with one. What you want for your future is most important. Ask yourself if you can live your life with the one girl who is near you for the rest of your life without the nourturing of a family as your heart desires. She may be a great girl, but may be better as a friend than a life long partner since what you both want pertaining to family is totally opposite.

Long distance relationships are a risk, but they can work as long as both ppl are very communicative, and both make the effort.

I would search deep down into your heart and ask yourself what is it you want for your 'future' because your future is what counts. Don't settle for something less because someone is a great person. Perhaps they are, but perhaps it is better and more fair to them if they found someone who is on the same wave length career wise.

I hope this helps. Good luck to you, and may your heart lead you...

Answer 8

yah, dat's serious ... but keep in mind marriage is a lifetime commitment, think again it's not dat i  am against a long distance relationship... u must  

know her well, her character sort of... look for compatibility, and the feeling being with her... and the other one is whom you are more familiar with... are you ready to take the risk... most of all ask God for a sign and guidance...

hope this will help..

hoping for the best for you guy!

___ kc____

Answer 9

Dump both.  Long distance relationships are nearly impossible to maintain and are extremely emotionally difficult, as you're finding out, so the girl in Hong Kong isn't really an option.  The girl closer to home doesn't share your dreams, so she isn't an option either.  Never, ever, ever get serious with someone who doesn't share the same goals for the future as you do.  You are young, and you have plenty of time to meet someone you are compatible with and who you can make a home, a family and a life with.  Be patient.  She's out there, and she's looking for you too.