I have a simply question for you......Tell me what would YOU do in this situation?

Question

Ok..Say you dated a guy/girl for about 1 year and 6 months...you 2 were friends 6 months before that and you werent attracted to him/her then finally fell for them and began a rel. Now since she/he was your friend she knew about your ex's and some of the problems youve had. So the rel began..everything seems fine, they are affectionate,loving, caring...then 4 months into the rel problems start. She/he starts to do his/her own thing whether you liked it or not..she/he didn't listen to what you had to say nor did they have any sort of communication to fix the arguments. Then they start to break up with you everytime you had an argument...so you were always scared the next fight would lead to another breakup. Then this person stood u up more then 3 times..once said brb and got into his/her car and drove off leaving you at your front step. Another time an argument and she/he hangs up the phone and goes out to a party and you call more then 50x and no answer. Now..the only person who holds the rel together is YOU for 1 year an 6 months..with the begging and crying and pleading. You try all ways to fix it,communicate but this person doesn't even make an effort to try and talk things out, or do the things that make YOU happy. They say to you "I'll do what I want, when I want and you cannot tell me what to do ever"...so now..half the time this person broke up with you is because they were jealous you werent a virgin when they met you..because you had a serious rel before them and also because they wanted to do whatever they wanted without the "control" factor of a bf/gf. Now youve tried to break up more then 5 times with this person but somehow end up together again...then break up and together again..a non stop cycle...but this person who seems to mess up, hurt you and always manages to come asking for forgivness...and what do you do ..you 4give. Then the cycle begins again. This person isn't affectionate,hates pda, doesn't like talking on the phone, hates saying things like "i love you" all the time and wants to go out whenever he/she feels without you having a say in anything.

Now....its been over 1 year 6 months and a few days...what would you do if this was you?

All answers appreciated..just want to see what you will do in this case...how would you react..how would you break up with this person?

Answer 1

I'm sorry! This must be tearing your heart out. However, you need to be strong and understand that you are worth more! If you settle for someone who isn't willing to make up their mind then that is what you are going to get. And to me it doesn't sound like that would make you happy. This is what I would do: I would take this time to separate and figure out what YOU want and YOU need. Be happy with life and find someone that feels the same. I think that by taking her back you are just stabbing yourself in the back each time. Don't do that! It just gets more and more painful. If you need to talk more. I'm here. Good luck!

Answer 2

Sounds to me like she doesn't know what she wants. Maybe you want to find someone who does?

Answer 3

A friend of mine was in a relationship similar to what you describe.  She lasted 4 years and it just kept getting worse and worse and quite frankly, she was downright miserable.  My suggestion would be to do what she did...  break it off completely.  This situation will not get any better.  And the getting back together, breaking up, getting back together needs to stop because it seems that the only person that cares about the relationship would be the person giving in each time.  I'm sure this person feels worthless and like they are waisting their time.  And to be honest, they are waisting their time because nothing will change.  I would tell this person to break it off completely with their bf/gf.  Make it completely clear that you want nothing to do with this person and stop giving in because he/she knows you will.  It's going to take more will power than anything.  After explaining that you want nothing more to do with him/her, don't answer calls, emails, texts and stop giving in.  Don't be afraid to hurt this person because that's what they have been doing to you all along.  I hope this helps.  

Answer 4

awwww man,this reaally sounds heart wrenching . . .

this sounds quite similar . . .

i know it can be hard letting go and moving on , your heart says no, but your head says yes . . .

i know it can turn you into a person you'd thought you'd never be, just cos of this person . . . you try to be strong and get your act up, but at this time can't, you think you can, but deep inside you can't . . .

i would think, why does this person ask me for forgiveness? i make an effort for them,but they don't for me . . . do i really mean anything to him? i'm happy with him, but at the same time, i ain't . . .

if that person came to me pleading for forgiveness . . . saying they will change,pouring out their emotions to me,and asking for ONE last chance, to prove to me, that they will do anything for me, anything for my happiness and feelings . . . if they really meant it, i know some will call me crazy,but love last a long time, you can't get rid of it,  but i will give him another chance, ONE more chance after soo many i gave, but i will need to know first that they reaaly mean it, and they need to prove it to me, without anything final ( being together ) they need to show me as a person that they are willing to compromise, for the sake of OUR happiness,if thats what he wants . . . i would be really insecure and have my doubts, doubt my sense of trust and have my fears of being hurt again, but i wouldn't make anything final, i would just keep my head up high and hope for the best . . . look on the bright side, that maybe this person will change . . .

if that doesn't work out, i would just tell that person, i gave you soo many chances,i said i will give you 1 more,but you didn't keep your word, i have dreams of being happy, it hurts me to say it, i thought i was going to be happy with you, but you can't do that, you have made me happy, but you kill me the same time . . . i know i'll be hurt and scarred from this, but im going to have to do it, its for the best, if i really meant anything to you, you would have understood what i wanted, and would compromise for my sake at least . . . i wouldn't know much what to say, but il just say that the relationship didn't work out, and i can't bear to be miserable all my life, because of this . . .

it'll be hard thinking there is someone out there for me,that will love me unconditionally, and treat me as a person, while in love with that person, because you want that person that hurt you, to BE that person . . . but you gotta be strong, after all the tears and heartache, the strength to move on will come, to some fast,to some slow,but it will happen- this is what i believe anyway . . .

me personally, i am a very sentimental, emotional, lovey dovey, type person, i wasn't like that before, but my emotions changed, just like what you described above . . . and i want the same in my partner . . . i don't want to be anyone to that person,i want to feel loved, and needed, like many people, if you don't get that in a relationship, you start doubting yourself, your personality, image, everything . . .

be strong, whatever happens is for the best, whatever happens in life, makes you the person you are, for good or bad, but i believe, you conquer one thing, you can conquer anything, it shapes you as a person, see things differently,even if it was that relationship, that changed your demeanor completely . . . it helped you become who you are,not the bad, but think of the good it brought of you, the strength . . .

did any of that make sense?

i hope it did, just my opinions anyway . . .

i can understand what you may have went through, if you need to talk, you know im here for you man :)

sorry about the essay! haha

Answer 5

... Are you talking about my boyfriend? o_O

Oh well, suppose my story has a happier ending. I went through the same thing, but only because I wanted to stop my boyfriend drinking himself into oblivion. He fought against it, and in the mean time let himself be talked into certain things, like... he was told that I did it with everyone, was cheating on him and he believed it... to add fuel to the fire. Had a serious trust problem and a drinking problem. Both are finally nearly entirely resolved now, but it took a year and a half and a mental breakdown on my account. He finally realised the consequence of his actions.

So, what I suppose I want to say is, that... if there's no underlying reason why this partner of yours behaves in such a way, dump them. Make your heart into a brick and let them go. If there *is* an underlying reason, deal with that reason.

Answer 6

I am so sorry someone would do this to you.  How can people act this way in a relationship and treat someone this way?  Someone they say they love.  I just don't get it at all.  Sounds like she likes for you to be waiting for her and calling her and sad when she doesn't want to do what you want and she likes the misery she puts you through for whatever reason.  Some people need that to feel good about themselves.  Personally, I feel good when my partner feels good in the relationship!!  That's how a relationship grows is helping each other grow and encouraging each other.  Not hurting someone.

If it was me I would avoid all contact with the person because I know that they can get to me somehow and convince me again so I need to just break all contanct so it can't happen and it can be over.