I have a situation and need some advise..?

Question

Ive found myself helping children n my nieghborhood that r going the wrong direction w/gangs & drugs. Ive made a big impact in these kids lifes & it makes me feel great! 1 child we helped out was in a gang & got high all the time. he was always getting locked up. Once he became a part of our family he started to change. We feed him, took him places & kept hiim out of trouble, so we thought. 1 day he calls us that his mom we getting evicted & had no were to go. We have a big house & decided to help her. She moved in. Then we get a call that he got arrested, I was so sad. it seemed that we cared more then she did. The whole time she lived with us she never got a job & wanted 2 sleep all day. I had to kick her out. Later found out she was tweeking in my house!

I get a call from his PO saying they will release him to us & only us. But talked to him a week before & he sounded like he was back to his old ways. I want 2 help but feel that he doesnt want to change hes 17 what do u al think

Answer 1

I AM SPEAKING FOR MYSELF I GREW UP AROUND GANGS DRUGS VIOLENCE AND WHAT NOT YOU NAME IT...I AFFORTUNATELY HAVE A GREAT FAMILY WHO HELPED ME OUT AND STILL HELPS ME OUT IN A LOT OF WAYS...MY FATHER PASSED AWAY AND ONLY HAVE MY MOM AND OLDER BROTHERS....WELL POINT BEING IS THAT I HAD/HAVE ALL THE LOVE I EVER NEEDED AND  I STILL WENT OUT THERE TO THE WORLD TO LOOK FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO "SHOW" ME LOVE...SO HEARING HIS CASE I THINK HE NEEDS LOTS OF LOVE AND SOMEONE HE CAN DEPEND ON NOT FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE BUT UNTIL HE SEES WHAT HE IS DOING TO HIMSELF....MY OPINION IS TO TAKE HIM IN BUT LET HIM KNOW NOT TO TAKE IT AS A JOKE HE IS A ALMOST A GROWN MAN

Answer 2

Wow you're a great person. Make sure he gets some counseling before he gets high and sets your place on fire.

Answer 3

Stand firm.  If he is messing up then he is on his own.  Although you can still be supportive and possibly still influence his actions.  But you really need to hold to your rules.  The example you set maybe the example he will claim as his own once he is past his rebellion period.  Tuff love is the only way to go.  But remember the being too tuff or too loose are both wrong.  Good luck.

Answer 4

I say bring him home.  Make sure he is well aware of the strict guidelines, and the unconditional love you have for him, in equal doses.

Answer 5

Sometimes you have to let people (even children) pay the consequences of their actions. In this case. I'd leave him in lock up for at least a month or two.

I'd talk to him first. Let him know you still care, and that you feel that he needs to see what it's like in lock-up for that long so that he'll understand why he needs to clean up his act.

Second, you need to jump start a thought process that will lead him to realize why he's on a bad road.

Plant a few questions in his head that don't come with answers.

Give him a few books from time to time.

Find some stuff that will really help him out, but spark his curiosity at the same time.

One recommendation is to tell him that school does NOT have all the answers, but that it's more fun to go if you can prove that the teachers don't know everything they think they do.

Then give him a book called "The Evolution Handbook" which proves how every major theory in support of the Big Bang and Evolution is completely impossible, and how all of the evidence that supports it is either made up entirely or wildly misinterpreted.

I can't count the number of teachers and college professors that I left more confused than the students who usually take their classes.

Answer 6

You really sound like a great person and it's unfortunate that there aren't more out there like you. I think it was good of you to take the mother in but you shouldn't have as it sounds like she just took advantage of your good nature. What does tweeking mean?? I feel that you should maybe accept that you've done all you can and although some people will change on the short term, the bad way of life has been ground into them and is hard to shake off. As long as he has a mother like that he will always be that way and you can never replace her in his eyes (however hopeless she may be). Carry on with your good work but accept that it's not your problem and you've done all you can - it is sad but it's life and you deserve one of your own. Good luck, you are a good person and I'm sorry I can't be much help. =)

Answer 7

((( hugs )))  Everyone deserves a second chance.....unfortunately it sounds like mom is the bad influence here, she may even be suffering from depression.

Set some specific rules down. And more importantly STICK to them. Only you know all the circumstances but this could be a make or brake situation for this kid.....soon to be man. You pulled back from the edge once.......do you think you can do it again? I bet there is a good kid in there somewhere fighting to be free.

Good luck and I wish all of you the best.

Answer 8

I think this may be a crossroads in his life.  If you help him again he has a good chance of becoming a mature responsible adult.  If you don't help him he will probably end up on the streets and doing all kinds of illegal things.  I know that it is difficult to be in your situation.  You will need to follow your heart and you will know what is best.

Answer 9

You know the old saying:   been there, done that.  Have you heard of tough love?  Sometimes you have to say no because the truth is:  until someone reaches bottom, they can't climb up, with or without help.  I think you should give him an ultimatum to do what he has to do to clean up his act and once he proves that he can do it, you will welcome him back into your family.   Good luck!