I have a step dad, im not treated like his own kids....

Question

All my life i know this guy...i never knew my real dad :(. But now that im 16 and im more aware of my life...i feel like im the outcast! he doesnt talk to me...he'll talk to his kids for hours on the phone...my lil'sister he'll talk to but never even when i was little did he try n talk to me. my real sister has to kids and my step older sister has a kid, he treats my step sisters kid better then my real sister kids, he treats me like a failer and his kids like they are better then me. idk wat to do im sick of having a dad, but not having one to talk to! my life has been bad and i hate tht he thinks im a f****n failer! i opened up to him while we were fighting and said i wish i had i real dad who would talk to me more and try to like the things i like....then he said "you have a real dad tell your mom to take you too him". you know how sad i was. i cant take it know more...is there anyway you can divorce from your own parents like i dnt want to be in their life no more...im in pieces and i cant pick them up!

Answer 1

Oh please I got this same song from my stepdaughter.  The reality is she is treated no less, no more special than anyone else in the house.  Most of the time I'm the living end.  But funny thing, she's real quick to scream evil stepmother if I say no to her or she's feeling particularly needy (she likes the "you poor thing" attention).  Fact is, there ARE no steps in my house.  There IS plenty of teenage drama.  It's not that she doesn't want to be treated different.  It's that she DOES.  

It's easy to pick out what he did wrong.  It's a lot harder to stop and think about what he did right.  Thank him for being the best dad he's capable of being.  Maybe he's not perfect, none of us are.  But be on his side.  Real dad, Stepdad... he's your dad.  The only one you've ever really known and whether he falls all over you or not, he's been raising and protecting you.  By telling you to go see your real dad, all he's doing is calling your bluff.  Had to be painful for both of you to have that conversation.  Words hurt.  But you took a real risk saying what you said.  The grass isn't any greener on the other side, but go see if you like.

Look, I dont mean to come down so hard on you.  You kids are always the same age when you come to "this realization".  We love you more than you'll ever know and more often than not, we feel like we're shoveling sand into the tide.  Somewhere around the age of 25 you'll see it.  And we'll happily forgive you when you say you're sorry for accusing us of loving you less.

Answer 2

I know exactly how you feel, I fortunately had my dad to go live with when i was 14 though. Well you only have 2 more years and you will be 18. you can request to be emancipated, but sometimes that can be even harder. Find out the legal age you can be to move out, some states it is 17. Have you talked to you mom? either way she probably doesn't listen huh? See if you can stick it out for a couple more years, I promise it might take a bit, but the pieces will come together. I am getting married and my step dad won't even come to the wedding or let my sisters come. If not, talk to (probably your mom) and ask if you can go live with a friend, if she says its ok, then do it, it will be hard at first, but you can. You sound like a great girl and smart and you will do great things, don't let some stupid dead beat wanna be ruin your life or hopes and dreams. If anything move on and prove you are better and can do better then him, that will be the best pay back right there. Good luck hun, and if you ever want to vent, you can email.

Almost every mom will take there husbands side instead of there childrens, and thats why there is so many messed up kids these days. Maybe someone should take a chance and listen to there kids once in a while and see what they are really going through instead of closing there eyes. Don't listen to the "rude" remarks, you need to help your self, not anyone else.

Answer 3

I don't know if it is going to help you, but from my experience we all suffer and life is hard....You alreay tried to talk to him and it didn't work, so you can't change people. You are young and you can be whatever you want to be that is your power. Focus on your studies (or your passion) to show to everybody that you are not a failur. Find your path because life is short and it is stupid to waste your time on bad feelings, wothless people, sadness. laugh, live , have fun, smile, sing, do sport (great anti-stress). be different than your step dad, be more mature than he is in his relationships. I wish you luck and strenght.

Answer 4

Well, even if he does pay more attention to you then he does his own children, try to respect that he's your mothers husband.  I think it's messed up what he said, but you probably hurt his feelings a little bit.  

When I was 15 I realized my step-mom married my dad for all the wrong reasons and that she didn't really love his kids.  So, while I think your old enough to know how he is treating you and your able to determine he is playing favorites now you have to accept the situation for what it is.

Try to understand things from his point of view and quit trying to change the situation.  I have been in your shoes before, you just have to accept that this isn't a perfect family life.  

You would probably get along better if you made him your friend instead of your enemy.  It would probably be a good time to ask your mom about your biological father and hopefully establishing some type of relationship with him.

Pretty soon, you will be out of there house, but you need to make the remaining years pleasent so you won't be miserable.  Keep your head up!  Good luck to you.