I have a stepson whos violent towards my kids?

Question

i have a 8 year old stepson who is violent towards my girls he has add,adhd,odd and aspergers he has split my daughters mouth opened chased her with an axe kicked my 20 year old in the back of his head hit them with sticks and hurt my animals.he was expelled from day care for choking a boy with a garden hose,for all these reason my partner and i stoped seeing him now he is back and we are giving him another go im worried i dont want my kids hurt again.i metioned to his mum last time what he was doing and her responce was my kids must have done something to p**s him off.

Answer 1

this kid sounds horrible, has he always been like this?

from the way he's acting it sounds as if his parents have neglected him or simply not disciplined him when he's hurt a child or animal. his mother sounds like she's not concerned when she definitely should be. try disciplining him by giving away any priviledges he has, and not letting him get away with things easily. he way have a bad diet too, certain diets can create behavioural problems. and i suggest talking to him about what he's doing and why he's doing it.

i'm worried about your pets too, keep them away from him otherwise he could possibly kill them if he's been known to  hurt them in the past.

goodluck and i hope his behaviour improves.

Answer 2

im sorry but his visit would be very limited and he will not be left alone for a second with my children or animals.  If his mom is going to respond like that then dad may have to visit with him outside the house but he should not be allowed to come over and run your house that way.

Answer 3

take him to ****** juvie right the h**l now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

I'd send my kids to visit their grandmother for the weekend. Why isn't this kid under some kind of treatment?

Answer 5

huh! why suffer with such a d**n monster.

Answer 6

I have to say I would not be allowing my kids around. Either the father takes him out on his days with him or I would go

Answer 7

I really feel for you.

I think it is great that you are giving him another chance- it shows that you do care and are willing to try and overcome these obstacles.

I look after a little boy (8 yrs) who has a few special needs of his own (one being Adhd) and had some problems with his behavior when we first started looking after him.

We only have him every second weekend to give his family a break and enable them to give sometime to their other 7-10 kids.

It was very hard work at first and we had to put some very strict boundaries in place- but it's great to be able to say that over a year on things are so much better.

Not perfect but very tolerable. We always had to be on alert before.

We have a child a year older and a child a year younger and they are all boys.

I am wondering if your stepson is jealous of your kids and may feel like an outsider.

He may see how you are with the girls and hurts them because it gets him your attention -whether it be good attention or bad, it is still attention.

Some of the things that we did were:

We told him that he was with us because we wanted him to be part of our family.

We made a rules poster with his help with not too many rules.

No hurting anyone or anything

Keep clothes on (he used to pull down his pants and show off his privates)

No playing with fire (he used to play with anything that he could get his hands on to do with fire)

If he hurt one of the kids we didn't yell at him we took him to the poster and talked about the rules we had made and why we had made them and then we sat him down somewhere where he couldn't be part of what was going on.

He also had to discuss what had happened and what he could do different next time before he could go and play again.

Another thing that we did was give him things to look forward to.

We took him out on outings to places that both he and us could relax instead of places where he could potentially play up from being bored like a bushwalk or park instead of shopping or the mall.

We had a chart with smiley faces and sad faces and he picked some things that he might like to do-you can give him the choices so thay aren't to pricey.eg movies, park, time on computer, Pick tv programme or dvd, toy from $2 shop etc

When he was good (eg like no hurting for all morning) he got a smiley and when he did something wrong he got a sad.

Another thing that worked well was when he would miss out on going somewhere if he did something wrong.

One of us would stay home with him while the others went out without him and we would remind him that when you don't behave that you don't deserve to go out and have fun.

We wouldn't do things with him either as this might encourage him to do stuff to get rid of everyone and have 1 adult to himself.

Pulling down his pants and showing privates one day ended him up in bed for the afternoon, he got to come out for tea and then back to bed, He has not done it ever again.

He very seldom hurts anymore and things are much better now. Everyone gets equal love and cuddles.

He often plays up for other people but is very good for us.

Other people find they can't take him anywhere without him misbehaving.

Another thing that was really good to do was to get together and get the kids or even parents as well and draw names to get one another to do something nice for one another.

It doesn't have to cost anything and they have lots of fun doing it. And they are being nice to one another.

We even took some pictures of him doing fun stuff and photo's of him with the kids and made him up an album (one of those cheap flip ones and 20cent pharmacy prints) he loves looking through it.

Create some good times like a water fight outside or making something together. Making models with buscuits and icing, watching a dvd in pj's with food they prepared themselves.

After doing these things together they all play together better now.

Kids are all different and what works for one doesn't always work for everyone.

I hope you find some ideas that you can use.

Aslo make sure that you and your partner appear as a strong team and do things together by yourselves.

Otherwise the kids could end up playing you 2 against each other.

Set some rules and don't undermine what each other says in front of the kids.

It's a shame that he hurts animals- maybe you could take him down to a SPCA and see some animals that haven't been looked after and let him help some of them.

I wish you all the best with your stepson and hope things go well for you and improve.

Remember good things take time and I was where you are now a year ago.

Good on you for giving this little guy a chance at a life that will be much better off with his own family in it.

Answer 8

My 8 yr old son has adhd and odd as well as other issues. does he get therapy (in home is great) is he on any meds. find a good phy. doc if money is the issues apply for state medicaid Thur the Katie beckket program for children with disabilities. out bursts are unacceptable but please don't turn your back on this boy who is in obvious need of love and acceptance. As for the mothers response of your kids pissing him off. that is bull.  

With therapy, meds, behavior modification a lot love and outstanding this child can be helped.

I can still remember the fits the outburst knocked over dressers and the over whelming feelings. Some days i didn't think i had the emotional or physical strength to deal with my own child, but know he's learned strategies and breathing techniques to deal with his anger and frustrations.

we have another child and animals as well. my child still continues with therapy and meds and has an IEP in place at school but to see him now he is like a different child he is apart of his treatment plan and under stands that need for his meds and can even tell me when the meds aren't helping and when we feels he needs a stronger dose. I love my son and i know that i have given him the tools necessary to live a full and successful life even with his emotional behavioral disabilities. I get complements on how empathetic and compassionate my son is.

good luck and may god bless you and your family.

Answer 9

Your first job as a mother is to protect your children. I would not allow my children around this boy as it is blatantly obvious the child needs some sort of psychological help. Does his father not see this? It seems his mother is an idiot.

If I was you I woud not have this child in my home until the child gets some counselling. I would demand my husband see the child away from the family home. I know it sounds mean but as adults it is our duty to see our kids are safe, all of them.

I was a teacher's assistant some years ago and we had a 7yr old who had already been diagnosed as a sociopath. He was a danger to the other children - stabbed one with a pencil, would hit them and so much more.  The parents were useless as they would not recognize the problem, things were always the other kids fault. This child was removed from the class many times, his parents called to come and pick him up as he was out of control. That poor child would sit for hours in the school office waiting for one of his parents to pick him up. It took us months before he was finally sent to a special school that was better able to handle this kid and all his problems.

I would insist your stepson receive help. It's not right for your husband to cut him out of his life but to put your own children at risk is just not acceptable.

Answer 10

I understand that the child probably can't help all this due to his illnesses, for which I sympathise. However, if this childs mother can't control or help him to the point where he is a serious danger to himself or others, then the child should be taken into care. His mothers blahsé response to your issues was appalling. You should seriously talk to your partner about this. This child sounds like he could potentially seriously harm or even kill somebody, and so sentimentality should not be taken into account. As for this situation - as someone said your primary responsibility is to your own children. If I was in your shoes I wouldn't let him anywhere near them. Let your partner take him out, or only have him round when you and all the kids are out, but I wouldn't let them be in the same room. I think your partner should understand this, and even if he doesn't, the safety of your children is worth risking a fight over.