I have a terrible 3 yr old daughter?

Question

Hi i need some advice on how to control my bad tempered daughter she is 3 coming round to 4 yrs but she has a terrible attitude towards me if i tell her something she wont do it i tell her to share her toys with her sister but she just throw all her toys and screams and cry, i love her very much but I'm hitting wits ends is there any good advice

Answer 1

I sympathise with you.  My daughter also has temper issues and we've been through what you are dealing with now.  

There are lots of different recommendations for how to manage unacceptable behaviour.  The key is to find one that suits YOU.  Nothing will work unless you can stick to it.  Whatever you decide to do you need to be consistent.

We tried the time-out method (number of minutes depending on age of child) but used the stairs rather than her room - far too many interesting things in her room!  This also works when you are out and about - we have sat her in the car on her own (doors locked and us loitering not too far away), sat her on park benches etc.  

She is now nearly 7 and, thankfully, has grown out of temper tantrums - mostly!

Good luck.

Answer 2

I understand how you are feeling.  My daughter is 4 now and her tantrums are legendary.  

I have found the key is good communication. When she is angry and upset I used to react the same way, however now I act calm and try to talk to her when it is happening.  I try to ask her what has happened to cause her to react the way that she does.  I know that can be really hard during a major tantrum and it has taken me a while to stay calm when she gets so upset but i have found she reacts better to it now.  Then when she is calm and relaxed i talk to her about how she is feeling and try to find out what upsets her.

I wish you the best of luck. xx

Answer 3

well let me tell you something

start punishing her ,

look at her eyes in the same level

and stare at her coldly when she does something wrong and when she does the right thing clap for her even after 4 seconds ,because children need this *gift and punish*

dont beat ever

if she is selfish tell her sister not to give her the beautiful toy your brought for her

when she screams look at her and leave her alone in the room and take the other sister with you ,

be firm NOT CRUEL

and dont let her see what bugs you  

Answer 4

We have a two year old who acts like this at times, to us and her sister.  When she does we get down on her level, make her look at us in the eye and tell her what we want her to do.  If that doesn't work and she's still acting up (throwing fits, etc) we put her in a time out in order to break the cycle of the fit, it gives her and us time to calm down.  We tell her when she can quit acting that way and behave she can get up.  Within minutes she's usually calmed down and ready to go play.  She'd rather play then be in a time out.  Also, make sure she isn't having feelings of jealousy about her sibling, try and make extra time to spend with her and see if this also helps with the problem.

Answer 5

Just talk to her calmly try to tell her if she does something she can have something special.

Introduce a reward chart to encourage her to do stuff...get sticker stars and stick them on a chart -buy one or make one.

Give her rewards when she reaches say 10 stars.

Or call supernanny :P

Hoped I helped!

Answer 6

you have to be firm for a start

repetition is key if she throws somrthing on the floor pic it up and giveit to her or alternativeley let her see that it is going out of her reach and that she wont have it again until she is nice

try and do something with her, praise her when she does something write

bake a cake togeher to tighten the bond :)

never give in no matter what just keep on with the repetition

send her to your mums for the day to look after, she would only do this to you not to any one else

hope i helped

Answer 7

Get::

Super Nanny

Nanny 911

or

Take Home Nanny

that will help. =]

Answer 8

Give her time outs, and how old she is, is how long she is in for time out. So if she is 3 then its three minuets.

A reward chart would be great too. But make sure you have one for both of your daugheters, as it would be unfair on your other daughter.

If everything else fails, then you should give loads of attention to your calm daughter and reward her for her good behaviour. Eventually your bad tempered daughter will realise that if she is good then she will get a treat.

XXXXXX

Answer 9

When my daughter would pitch a fit and start screaming i'd drag her to her room and tell her she could come oout when she was done... She'd be out and back to normal within a minute.. SOon she learned no one was going to be disturbed by her tantrums and they stopped when she didn't get the reaction she wanted. (mom of five)

Answer 10

consistancy, it is a phase and will pass unless you refer to her as terrible , she is not terrible , she behaves poorly but she is a child, i know how hard it can be i have 5 children but whatever you decide to do you must be consistant with it and it will work over time, be patient good luck

Answer 11

1st of all, if you think she's terrible and say so...she certainly will be!

I had an issue with my son acting out in negative ways to get attention. It got to a point that I actually made an appointment and took him to his Pediatrician about it. The Doctor told me that ANY anti-social behavior should be dealt with by saying:

"Obviously you're not feeling well" and ISOLATION away from everyone else, in his room ALONE for (in your case) 3 minutes, because your girl is 3 years old. (VERY IMPORTANT) it's not that your girl (and my boy) are "Bad"...it is that their BEHAVIOR is UNACCEPTABLE. Your girl isn't a "bad" girl, just her behavior needs to be more socially acceptable and modified into parameters that YOU establish. YOU are responsible to teach her.

When the time minutes is up, you simply ask "are you feeling better now?" If the answer is NO and she is still exhibiting negative behavior, another 3 minutes until she decides to stop. I laughingly told the doctor that my boy would be spending alot of time in his room, (and so will your girl) and the Doctor said that that was OK. NO ONE, especially a child, wants to be alone.

My son did spend a lot of time isolated in the early days, BUT HE LEARNED VERY QUICKLY that his negative behavior was unacceptable and would not be tolerated. He also had an issue of throwing things in anger, and learned very quickly that ANYTHING that was thrown in anger was THROWN AWAY in the big black container that the trash man takes. GONE FOREVER.

Be firm. Remain ***unemotional*** during this. These are HER BAD "CHOICES" (she is NOT A "BAD GIRL") so the punishment and the consequences are on her. MAKE HER RESPONSIBLE FOR HER OWN ACTIONS = A gift that will last a lifetime. It's hard, but her behavior will be modified quickly and your life will be much better.

Email me if you'd like to.

Susan

Answer 12

firstly, dont be intimidated by the behaviour, kids are like hounds, they can sniff out weak spots in parents!

Praise praise praise her for every little bit of good or nice behaviour (oooh, look how kind your being to your sister, your playing really nicely with your sister today, good girl for sharing your toys etc).

When she throws a wobbly, turn your back and ignore it.  When she approaches you calmly for something rationalise with her (well, when you finish your tea then you can have your pudding, when you ask me nice and calmly then i will get it for you etc).

Reward charts are excellant - just dont make the mistake of having to 'buy' the treat, keep it simple like a walk to the park, play in the sandpit etc.

Try to make chores more of a game and be sure to praise anything good that she says, does or shows.

Take heart, it does get easier as they get old and able to rationalise.

Best of luck

Answer 13

I have a son who is very similar.  I had to be very strict without being too negative.  You also have to be consistent as does everyone in the household.

I would also say its a cry for attention so if you can I would separate your kids for the day and spend time with your 3 yr old doing things that she really wants to do, all the time reinforcing the message that she is being a great little girl.

Look at your behaviour too, I know that I have be pre-occupied recently and been short tempered and not spent very much time with my son (or as much as he would like me to give him!!).  I have made sure that when he asks me to watch him, or play with him, that I have given him the time he needs.

Hope this helps