I have a three year old daughter whose biological Father hasn't seen her.......?

Question

her since she was 5 months old. He left me on and off when I was pregnant. Then we split officially before she was born.

He didn't come to the hospital when I had her. He has never call about her, ever. Even the 2 times I had spoke with him he still never asked. She is now 3 yrs 3 months old, since she was 20 months old she has known my fiance to be her Daddy and he has always taken care of her. Her biological father has been withthe same girl that he had cheated on me with the same week I found out I was pregnant but now they are broke up and he wants to see our child. Her biological Father sends me an email today saying he wants to start keeping her. I say no because thats what I think is best for her.Why confuse a 3yr old??

Answer 1

i am sorry that this happened to you. I also have kids who have never seen their father... even once. I have not had child support in I don't know how many years. You can't keep him from her legally. But on the other hand... you have to look at what is best for the child. If you have concerns about her safety... that is an issues right there that the courts take into consideration. The other thing is that he abandoned her and she sees her your boyfriend as her father. That is her male role model and she accepts him. So for the father to walk in now would add confusion. You would have to explain it to her like an exciting thing, no matter how you feel about it... she needs to know that it is OK to love her 'other daddy'. The other thing is that he wants her to acutally STAY with him. I would say 'no frig-gen way!'. Supervised visitation, sure. You don't know this person anymore. She does not know him. He is a stranger to you both now. You do not have to leave your child alone with a stranger. He abandoned her and if he wants to change that... he has to come into her life slowly and gain her trust, and she needs to be comfortable with him, and you abour her safety before any 'keeping her' happens.

Answer 2

You are completely right.  If it has been 2 1/2 years since he's seen her, and hasn't, in that time contacted you to see her, why bother now?  It seems he was only a sperm donor anyway- your fiance is obviously her "dad".  I wouldn't bother with him or let him into her life.  If she wants to know her biological father when she is older, I say let her- at that point you can explain the situation.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 3

dont let him c her let her keep calling ur fiance dad

Answer 4

I understand your wish not to confuse your little one, but the law says that if he pays child support, he gets to see his child.

If you have a long drawn out battle in court.....you'll be poorer, and you'll still have to let him see his child.

Thru a mediator (social worker, preacher, count appointed advisor, etc.), work out something you can both live with. I'd suggest supervised visits (with you + your boyfriend, or your extended family) until your little girl is comfortable with this "stranger". By no means would i give her up to him without an "acquaintance period" of about 6-8 months, so you know that she's comfortable with him. When she's comfortable with him, he could take her to the zoo, or library, or to a movie, or out for a meal. Don't get caught up in time amounts, demanding he can only have her for 4 hours on Saturday afternoon... keep it open and flexable.  After a period of time, the "enchantment" of being with his child may wear off (he hasn't been "plugged in" before now...). After a period of time, you and your boyfriend may marry and he could adopt your child, with the permission of her biological father.

The less "big deal" status you put on this, the easier it will be for your child (and you ultimately). Be accepting of your child's father (welcome him as a friend), you will earn her respect and his!!! Be the WOMAN who is calm and collected, the MOTHER who loves her daughter and wants the best for her... whatever that best is.

You can do it!!!!!

Answer 5

Tell him since the child does not know him and since he is still irresponsible with the choices he makes in his life, he needs to petition the court because you are not willing to risk the emotional and physical health of your child. Once he does this, I would insist on supervised visits and absolutely no overnight visits until he can prove he is a good father willing to change his life for his daughter.

Whatever you do, document everything starting now, in the event he does go to court. Write down all the times he has seen her, tried to contact her, etc.........this will be very important when court time comes. Also, if he has a history of domestic violence, drug or drinking offenses, etc..........DOCUMENT.

No one should ever deny a parent rights to their child if they are responsible adults. Obviously, he has not cared enough to see her regularly so you should not have a problem. No judge is going to fault you for not handing over your child to a person who is a perfect stranger to her.

Answer 6

i would ask him why for a start!

then, if you think he is worthy of your little girl's time, you need to introduce them slowly.

maybe all of you meet at the park for an hour or something.

has he ever given you any money towards her upkeep?

is he planning to in the future?

i would be asking loads of questions, and not letting him take her anywhere unsupervised.

if you do decide to let them meet, say this is mummy's friend danny. he's come to play in the park with us. or something similar.

that's all she needs to  now for now

Answer 7

yeah - make him go to court for visitation if he really wants to see her. Chances are that he will probably find a new gf and not care about his child anymore... what a loser

Answer 8

Some people have a change of heart.  You never know.  Tell him he has to prove what he is saying.  If you start off slow things will show themself to you.  Make sure you are not punishing him and your daughter for you feeling gilted.  When she is a teenager she might want to go looking for him.  As far as the alcohol, that's in the blood.  I know people who are 27 before they became alcoholics and never knew there alcoholic parent.  Something to think about.

Answer 9

I'm not sure who it is, actually, who is confusing her right now, but it sounds like it might be you.

Why not let her know what's real about her life?  

This is the man who started you growing inside of me.  He wasn't ready in his life to do parent things with me when you were born, but that's OK, because I'm glad he started you growing inside of me, anyway and, luckily, I was ready to do parent things at that time.

This is the man who met me & you after you were born.  He loved us both & helps me to take care of you every day.  

And, we all love you.

Wishing isn't going to make her reality change.  Instead of ignoring it, help her find peace, joy & growth in it.