Ok I have a tough situation with my boyfriend and I need serious advice! I have been trying to decide what to do and where to live but my options seem to be between bad and worse...
I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. We are both in our mid twenties and are still working out career options and trying to decide whether or not to go back to school. My boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic and he has been sober since we have been together but he has the disadvantage of being behind in life since he had to deal with all of his drug and alcohol troubles. It is under control so far but now he is dealing with what to do with his life, He didn't finish college and he is having a hard time finding a decent job.
We have had our ups and downs and recently he asked me to move in with him. I don't love where I currently live and I thought it might be a good idea but I feel like we might be rushing it. After talking to my BF about the situation, I'm even more stumped as to what to do.
Here are the sequence of events I have to consider:
1. Last year around this time my lease was up and my roommate moved to another state so I had to move. I tried living with my BF for about a month and it didn't work out. I though it might be becuase he was fresh out of rehab and stressed. I ended up sleeping on the sofa and we fought constantly. So I was forced to move in with a girl I wasn't so sure about... Now my lease is two months away from ending and I have the option of deciding to stay or move. I feel like he was none too quick to help me in that tough situation last year. He ended up asking me for two months rent and asked me to pay for my own plane ticket when he took me to meet his parents. I felt like he was trying to make money off of me in the end. I also had a dog (a Yorkie) that he couldn't stand and was super mean to...he ended up "accidently" hurting it and it died from the injury. He felt terrible about it and bought me another puppy which he is great with but I'll never forget what happened! This has been nearly a year ago.
2. I have asked him what his reasons are for us moving in together. I want to make sure we are doing it for the right reasons. When we first talked about it he told me that if we don't move in together, we might as well just stop dating becuase he thought moving in was the next step and if I wasn't ready to do it then I wasn't ready for anything else. I told him that that was rediculous and that I would like to at least be engaged first. I want to know that there is some kind of committment and my parents also don't really like the idea of us just moving in together. I sort of feel like you should save the moving in together for when you are closer to getting married. It should be something new and exciting. Later he backed off of the pressure and told me he didn't care if I moved in or not. That he would stay with me regardless so I thought the pressure was off. He also told me that he was serious about marriage and wanted to save $$ for an amazing ring BUT that he wouldn't propse until we lived together. He wanted to make sure that we could live together first...I feel like he is running me around in circles.
3. It is getting down to crunch time for me I have to let my rooommate know if I am moving or not. I want to give her at least 6-8 weeks notice. My BF told me that he needed to know my decision by the end of August. I feel really hesitant. He hasn't been looking for a place to live. He won't work with me on a place to live and I don't want to give my roommate notice with out knowing where I am moving to. He also wants to spend more money on a place than I do. He wants to rent a townhome or a house and I told him that I am not going to move in with him just to pay more rent than I am right now. He got really upset with me about changing my mind so many times and I told him that if I'm not ready now maybe we should just date and work on our relationship for the year and think about moving in then. I told him that if he really loves me he should feel the same way in 12 months (a year lease separately).
4. So this weekend we got into a huge fight and he told me he "couldn't hadle this" and that he was "done". He does this pretty frequently. He will break up with me and then come right back and try to make up. I feel like I have a high shcool relationship! He has done this so many times that I finally just asked him if he was really serious and he said yes. I asked him if he wanted me totally out of his life and he said yes to that too...but of course less than an hour later he was calling and trying to make up. It was so rediculous. I love him and he isn't horrilbel all the time (I swear) but it just feels like too much work.
5. He called me and wanted to talk. I come to find that he is trying to decide if he should stay in this city or move back to his hometown and live with his parents so that he can go back to shcool. His hometown is across the countr
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