I have a wedding question?

Question

I am 18 and my fiance is 19. We've been dating since the fifth grade and he just asked me like a week ago. We decided that we would get married this following January, but everyone seems to not want us to get married! I know we're young. We've both prayed about it and talked to the pastor that will marry us and we're both in it for the long haul. What is everyone's problem?

Answer 1

wow! that is awesome.

Im 17 (turning 18 tomorrow) and my husband is 18. We have been married almost a month. and I will tell you what... I dont know why we waited so long! I LOVE IT!

we have been together dating for over 3 years and liked each other even longer. We attended church and a christian school together all of highschool and junior high.

If you have prayed about it and there is a pastor supportive... it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks!  Go for it.

God Bless!!!

Answer 2

Everyones problem is just what you said, you're young.  However, I've known several people to get married young (under 20) and it worked out for them.  My sister was one, my mom is another.  My sister's been married over 20 years, my mom almost 43.  

Ask yourself this question.  Can I support myself independently of my parents?  Meaning, do you still need your mom and dad's financial support for anything.  College, car, apartment, etc., all those expenses you should be able to handle on your own, if you can't, then I'd seriously re-think marriage.  However, if you can support yourselves financially and emotionally, then you're more ready than most who get married.  

Answer 3

I think involving religion in your relationship is very responsible. I went to a Christian college and many christians end up getting married very young for many reasons. In the end, you shouldn't rush it. Both of your personalities will change in the upcoming years and I know a bunch of long serious relationships that have broken up in the college years. If you give it a couple more time, you can stay engaged, grow in your faith and relationship and make everyone else happy for you too. There is nothing to lose in waiting.

Answer 4

I think if your happy and your ready then go for it! Its a new day and age where getting married young isnt that big of a deal, being married is hard, but it will be worth it! Especially if you have prayed about it and feel that your doing the right thing, then I wouldnt have a problem! Conrats and goodluck!

Answer 5

I had some of the same problems you have had. I am 19 and my fiance just asked me seven months ago to marry him. So I told him to ask my mom for her permission and she laughed at him. I soon found out later that my family is excited but are very worried. It is because you have not experienced everything yet. Things like college, the whole dating thing, and even s*x. Studies have shown that people who marry there childhood sweet heart have higher risks of divorce and even tend to cheat on their spouse. To tell you the truth s*x varies between guys and that can cause a person to cheat as well. Ever since we have announced our engagement my email has been flooded with articles and studies on early marriage and guess who they came from my family member. So we decided to push back our wedding till 2010. That way if anything did happen, which it has, we can still break things off and to make the family members happy. Even though you don't want to hear it I would move the wedding date back a couple years like 2010 or 2011. It will give you time to safe up money to have a really nice wedding and your parents won't have to help out. Good Luck.  

Answer 6

They are probably just concerned about it because you are so young. It's natural for people to worry when someone as young as you are wants to get married because it is such a big responsibility. It's much more than just fun and games, and they want to make sure that you really understand that before you get married. Do you understand that? Marriage is more than just lovey-dovey romance. It is WORK. Hard work. It is a wonderful thing, but it is not easy by any means. You have to be fully committed to it and willing to stick together through thick and thin. If you understand that much, then perhaps you are ready for it.

Dating since fifth grade is a long time, so it sounds like you can stay together at least. But have either of you dated anyone else? They also might be worried because you've never known anything else. You might think you're in love now because you're all each other has ever had and have nothing to compare to. In fifth grade, you're not really mature enough to know what you want in a relationship, and if you've stayed together all this time, you might have stayed in that young mentality and are caught in a puppy-love infatuation rather than a deep, meaningful relationship. I dated a guy in high school, and didn't realize how immature we both were until we broke up. I learned so much and developed so much more as a person after that, and gained a lot more wisdom on relationships and what I really wanted in a marriage, too. Getting married at that time would have been a huge mistake, even though I couldn't see it then.

Here is my advice to you-- you are still very young, so there's no big rush. If you're really in love and serious about this, holding off for awhile won't kill you. I think each of you should go on dates with other people just so you can have something to compare to. If you really are meant for each other, these dates with others will only strenghthen your relationship and your surity that it's meant to be. However, you might start to see qualities in other people that you want and learn that you aren't ready to marry each other after all. If you're afraid to date other people because you think you might fall for someone else, that's a pretty good sign that you're not ready for this. You shouldn't be afraid! It will either teach you that your fiance really is the one, or it will open your eyes to better things. Marriage is such a big decision! It's not something that should be rushed or taken lightly.

All of that being said, I wish you the best of luck, and if you decide to follow through right now, I hope you will have your family's blessing. Just because you are young doesn't necessarily mean it won't work, and I truly hope that it does work out. :)  Your family is only hesitant about it because they love you and they want to see you be happy. If you have to wait a little longer to convince them and put their minds at ease, it will be worth it.

Good luck with everything! Keep praying and stay strong!

Answer 7

Congrats! I'm sure everyone has your best interest at heart and thinks you should date others before settling down. However, you are the only ones that can make that choice. Continue to pray and counsel with the pastor and show everyone that you are doing it because you love each other and wish to share your lives together. Ultimately it is your decisions. You are both adults. My parents were 15 and 17 when they got married and they were married for over 50 years!

Answer 8

well if you prayed on it and talk to the pastor then don't worry about everybody else they will come around. They just see two young people making a big decision that can effect their lives.

Answer 9

i dont get why people are always saying "oh you need to date people to know if this is someone who you really want to be with" and "you are only 19 and young and you need to go out and date other people first."

i dont understand.

i will be 20 next year and my boyfriend will be 19. we both have been dating for about 2 years and we have had previous relationships but i dont see how that is a deciding factor in whether or not i should marry him. i love him to death and we both have talked about it and yes we are young but who says it wont work out and if i love him why would i need to go out and date other people to figure that out for sure.

im with you on this..

if your parents really dont like it stay engaged for a year or something.but whats the point--you love eachother and have been together for years..so i say go for it.

if you know its right then thats what you have to go by. no one can tell you that you cant be with him or get married-well as of now atleast..

good luck, hope things work out and im so with you on this one :)

EDDIITT:

i have learned this past week in my communications class and they were talking about how there can be a 23 percent devorce rate but a 77 percent chance that you stay married...okay im making up the percentages but what im saying is, is that they will focus soooo much on the small percent but dont care to mention the success rate..

usually everyone wants to focus on the bad and emphasis on the worst case senario but dont actually mention a thing about stories of successful young marriages or anything for that matter. so things you read may be missleading because they leave out all the other things that are good.

--this kind of refers to someones post who said they got emails with stories of divorced high school sweethearts--thats why i thought of mentionin it.

:)

Answer 10

probably because this person is all you have ever known. your fiance', your church, your town, and your life as know it is not how things really are. all you have ever known as been taught by someone else. before you get married you need to gain some life experience, like in college at least a couple hours away. i know you think you are certain, but everyone isn't telling you this because they don't want you to be happy, they are telling you because they know what marriage is like and how much you grow as a person from the age of 18-25, 25-30. I'm not saying wait until your 30. I'm saying wait until your done with college. if you guys can survive that your probably set for life. you will do what you want... but you asked for opinions. trust me. you don't want to both grow as people and realize at 21 that maybe you weren't meant to spend your entire life with them! divorced at 21 isn't s**y.