I have alot of money in the bank. Should I keep that a secret from any potential, future, possible boyfriend?

Question

I have been independently wealthy since I received a large inheritance upon the passing of my father a few years back. My portion was just over 2 million dollars. I am in college hoping, eventually, to attain a teaching career anyway.

I am single and am in the dating scene now.

I don't think it should matter whether I am broke, or whether I'm rich, but the world doesn't seem to agree with that sentiment, and though I risk revealing myself to be cynical, I have an inclination to keep the money secret from anyone I might start dating since I don't think I could ever know if it was me or my money that they were in love with otherwise, y'know.

Am I obligated to mention it? I don't see why. But let's say I wait until after I marry some guy, right; then I tell him, and maybe he gets upset with me for not trusting him enough to tell him before. I trust him enough to marry though? Odd. If I bring it up right away, it comes off as bragging, or I appear shallow even mentioning it. help!

Answer 1

Save for later, or when you know your probably going to marry him.

Answer 2

You don't need to mention the money until you are both seriously dating - then all secrets should be revealed. It's not good to start a marriage with secrets.  Once he is in love with you and you know it, you can mention the money and then you will know he loves you for you and not for the money.  good luck.

Answer 3

Good for you. You have goals in life. Don't mention your wealth. Keep it a secret. Besides, it's no one's business but yours! Otherwise, you'll get hit up for a loan. I wouldn't get married if I were you. If you do get married he'll change on you & half of it will be his. A prenup is a must or trust me  you'll be sorry...

Answer 4

I wouldnt tell a potential boyfriend. It's not considered keeping it a secret, if you fail to mention it. It's not like he will leave you once he finds out you're loaded anyway. Lol.

Answer 5

Well, definitely don't wait till you're married to tell him.   But you're also right that mentioning money right off the bat is tacky.  Chances are, your "secret" is more widely known than you realize anyway.

Answer 6

You don't need to tell your boyfriend, or even your husband for that matter.  That money was a gift to you from your deceased father.  When the time comes for you to marry, keep that account in your name and your name only.  Also look into getting a prenuptial agreement that would cover all the private accounts you have when going into the marriage.  Again, think of the inheritance as a gift.  Don't let a guy take it away from you.

Answer 7

i dont think you should wave it around, but hiding it is just not right either. wait until the time is right to talk about it, when you two get serious enough to be meeting each other's families and such. other than that, dont tell them anything other than, "i don't have to worry about that".

Answer 8

I think you have a point about being cautious in this situation. Look at all the people who will take out life insurance against their spouses and plan their murders! Lust for money brings out evil intentions. So I would definitely keep it on the down low. When married and assured that your spouse isn't a deadbeat, then you could explain it to him.

Answer 9

I don't think it's important to mention that you have money.  I would think that if someone knew you wouldn't know their motives for wanting to date or marry you.  

Keep in mind too that once you do get married there is a chance that part of your money could be lost if there was ever a divorce.

Answer 10

I would not mention it at all. If you get in a serious relationship and it looks like marriage then I would mention it and make sure you get a pre-nup. I'm sure your father wanted you to have that money not god-forbid, an ex husband.

Answer 11

Its your finances so do with it what u want. Just remember trust fund baby - relationships with secrets and lies dont usually work out. It shouldnt matter if a guy knows u have money unless u r dating losers who r tryin to leech off a woman.

Answer 12

guys dont care about how much money a girl has as long as she looks good. But i would be careful about telling anyone at all about that money.

oh and by the way I am a teacher already...

Answer 13

ya

Answer 14

Your money is your business. Telling a potential mate could make things bad. They may feel it would be ok to be a slacker or a mooch. I just want to tell you it's a great thing that even though you are financially sound you still decided to go to college and have plans for a career. That is very responsible and mature. You may want to consider getting a pre nump if you decide to get married. Good luck.

Answer 15

Yes, keep it to yourself.  I say that from experience.  I told my fiance I had alot of money (I felt proud that I did, it was from my own earnings).  I found out he was in debt, owing $30,000 before we married.  I thought I really loved him and the debt wouldn't matter.  I divorced him later but in retrospect I think he thought it was going to be a way for his debt to be paid off; my brother said he thought he married me for the money.  While married I kept my money separate except what I was earning at the time and did not pay his debt with it.  Luckily and wise of me, I had it when we divorced.  It is hard to tell if someone is marrying you for your money.....don't tell too soon.

Answer 16

Absolutely, without a doubt, keep it to yourself.  You have no obligation whatsoever to anyone as far as revealing your financial status is concerned, and that goes for telling your friends, too.

As far as telling your potential future husband when you cross that bridge, you'll know when it's time to tell him... when you let him know a pre-nup is in order.  Do yourself and your father a HUGE favor....get a pre-nup no matter how much you think you'll love him forever.  Good luck and invest well in your financial and educational future.

Answer 17

If your looking for that right person or soulmate you will know it long before you mary. As you say telling him before probably would have men seeking you out for your money. And if after you married and tell him I can also see why he would feel that way of no trust.  So from a man who has  been there take my advice go with your heart. It's nice to see you are still in school. I hope and wish you find that someone special and he is out there. Keep looking.

Answer 18

dont tell.

i highly doubt theyll be mad at you for not trusting, if theres 2 million dollars on the line h**l just be glad he fell in love with you.

besides if you DO tell, ull always wonder if it was u or the money that he fell in love with.

p.s. make sure to sign a prenup i know most people say it kills the love and all that, but i think its the smart thing to do. no matter how much money is on the line.

good luck in finding "the one"

:-)

Answer 19

Keep it private !!!

If he reveals that he has xx amount of money it is okay for you to reveal that you have the exact amount - no more.

Otherwise - be wise and keep it private.

Answer 20

i wouldnt come out and spill the beans. i would hide it for a while and see if the guy is really into you and not for your money. but then again you'd be starting the relationship on a secret, and thats not right.

Answer 21

Just my Nichols worth ,but i would keep it very private.Once people find out you have money they will change in how they treat you. As for waiting till after your married i think telling then is not so good a idea.But if you meet some one and plan on marrying him have your attorney draw up a Nuptial agreement stating in case of a Divorce that the money will not be part of a settlement.If he truly loves you he will have no qualms signing it as after all he is marrying you and not your money...

Answer 22

I don't think it would be wise to let that be known.  

To anybody.    If you tell just one other person -- that person will probably tell someone else .. then the word will travel swiftly from one person, to another person.  Trust me .. it will happen.

If the word gets around - people will come out of the wood-work to borrow money from you, all of the time ... and most of the time, if you tell them 'no' - they will get mad at you and stop being your friend.  You will be surprised at who will appear at your doorsteps  - and with the stories that will be given to you - just to get you to give them money.   It's a weird thing - but after you loan them money and they don't pay you back - they will not be your fiend any more - and won't speak to you when they see you .    Also - this can be a dangerous situation for you .. you must guard yourself with no one having this informaion.   Don't leave personal information laying around where anyone can access your business.

If you get into a serious relationship - just let it be known that you have some serious family business that is a private affair to you - that you prefer not to discuss.  Ask them, not to ask you - what it is - to respect your decision.  I know you will dislike doing this .. but if you don't - your money could GO fast, you could be used (even when you are convinced that you aren't being used - you may be) .. and this money could represent your future ... plus - you want love, to be about love only.

A good idea would for you to make strict guidelines on how to spend your money ... like .. not spending any of it until a certain age .. not to ever spend your money in a relationship ..  or never on a guy - ever .. not to give this informaiton out to people,etc.   This will protect you.   Rule-of-thumb ,,, don't trust anyone with the information.   If you have a specific banker who you deal with -- ask him to tell no one -- and to please make sure that others don't tell your personal business.

I know a lady who discovered a family member was a millionaire many times over .. and this lady worked very hard until she got this man to marry her.   She never loved the guy.   She eventually got everything of his.   This man never suspected her intentions were his money.  

Protect your money .. but most of all - yourself.

Just don't tell.

Answer 23

Keep your finances your business.  It's not appropriate to tell people how much money you have anyway.  But don't marry someone without telling them.  You can't have secrets going into a marriage together.

Answer 24

Your finances are your own business. You aren't obligated to let anyone know.

The only time I see that it might be an issue is if you meet the one you'll marry. Even then, I wouldn't mention it until just before the wedding. That way, you'll be able to know it's "real."

Answer 25

I wouldn't tell about it, not to anyone unless you are in a circle of friends where wealth is the norm. I understand that people have to like you for who you are - and you are a young woman with a lot of money, however, people will take advantage of that if they can. It won't be big things, but they will ask you for loans because they know you can afford it, and then they will feel badly towards you if you say no, even though you have a perfect right to, or they'll expect you to pay for things, like their drink and trips to places.

You need people to like you, not your money. Everyone likes money, and it's real hard to see what someones intentions are if you are naturally inclined to try to see the best in people.

I see everyone that has mentioned a pre-nup has so far received a thumbs down, however, your lawyer should advise you on matters of this nature. Anyone who has been married more then once knows that the smart thing to do is to make sure you are going to be ok whatever happens down the road. No one marries someone expecting to get divorced, but we even fought over who would have which coffeepot. I can't imagine how long that conversation would have gone on for if I'd had $2m.

Answer 26

Yes, keep it a secret and even after marriage. It's your money and he doesn't need to know about it. If he is married to you and stayed married to you til you are 55, then you can tell him about it and use the money to go on holidays with him or for medical expenses. Consider the money to be for use only after retirement.

Answer 27

there is a lot of speculation in this question, but I'd say that your financial situation is no one's business but your own