I have an 11 yo daughter who is getting pretty mouthy - any suggestions on how to deal?!!??

Question

My 11 year old daughter is getting a really bad attitude. I don't know if it is the kids she hangs out with or if she is just doing the whole pre-teen thing. She is doing well in school and her teachers say she is very social. I don't want to punish her too badly because she is doing well, but some other kids say she is really mean. She isnt really mean to me, she just rolls her eyes and huffs and puffs at me a lot, but she does say mean things about other kids and people in general all the time. I think I have a mean girl. What should I do? I don't want to lose her trust and confidence that she can confide in me.

Answer 1

Try talking with her.. find out whats on her mind. Maybe set up an afternoon a week for you two to do something together. =) The more approachable you are the more your daughter will open up to you.

Answer 2

11 is a little young to be getting mouthy and being labeled a bully.   This needs to be checked out.  Don't worry about loosing her trust and confidence.....if you don't get this sorted out, you could loose HER.   First, sit her down and explain that this is NOT going to be allowed and if she continues, there will be consequences!   If you do not approve of the kids she hangs out with....then she does not hang out with them-period!   You are the parent.....set down the rules before it is too late.    If it continues, there are wonderful therapists out there.....contact one that specializes in teens.

Answer 3

first of all, dont try to "talk to her" about it. you will get a horrible responce, probably a temper tatrum and the silent treatmeant.

i would suggest counciling because no one wants a "mean kid" and it might have something to do with pentup anger that she wont confide to you about.

other than that, support her friends and try to be interested in her life without being annoying. shes a p*****n.

Answer 4

I think you need to add that the respect be there as well as trust and confidence..if you don't have that you lose it all. You need to make sure she understands that you are the parent and everyone especially you needs to be treated with respect. Treat people like you want to be treated...if that doesn't work I agree ignoring her and her requests for a bit until she can act courteously. Works with my 11 yr old.

Answer 5

If you are a parent then you have to be the one fixed point in the universe for your kids so as to give them emotional stability. This means that you cannot be wishey washey, you must set a good example  and there must be certain limits on the type of behaviour that can be permitted. Good luck.

Answer 6

Is it possible that she is mean to other girls because of some insecurity she has or pressure she is feeling. They often say people who are popular but bully others are the ones who are really hiding their own issues. Maybe it would be worth talking to her or helping her find someone she can talk to about things which might be stressing her (e.g. body image or peer pressure). However, if she is adamant that nothing is wrong and she is mean for amusement, perhaps you need firmer action and discipline. Hope that helps.

Answer 7

lol duct tape

Answer 8

i actually would tell her what you have a problem with and you should be told that if she keeps running her mouth someone bigger then her will come and by 8th grade she will be in fights.  bring the subjuct up to her and make her notice what she does like record her actions and make her see it because then will she she what is wrong if this doesn't work pop her in the mouth

Answer 9

Why don't you just try asking her why she says those things? She might not even realize that the things she says are mean or disrespectful. Try saying, "Why did you say those things about Kyle? That's extremely rude and you cannot speak that way in my house." If she shapes up, just keep encouraging her to watch her speech. If she doesn't shape up, try other approaches. Try to acquaint yourself with her friends so you can see if they're the problem. Get a peek at all the media she's exposed to--magazines, TV, radio, everything. If one particular source seems to influence that kind of speech, cut her off from it. In fact, I think it would be beneficient to try cutting her off from all media for a few days--no TV watching, no iPod, no computer time. This might encourage her to find other pursuits that encourage a more positive attitude. This worked with me; I was cut off from my video games when I was in middle school, and I got so bored without them that I rediscovered things like books and jigsaw puzzles. Also, no matter what you do, try to get some quality time with just you and her--you're her primary role model, and if she sees positivity and kindness in you, she'll probably want to emulate you. She may want to spend more time with her friends, but take one afternoon a week to get lunch, get a manicure, go shopping, or have a nice chat. No matter how she may act right now, she really wants your approval and you can make it easier by showing and modeling exactly what you want. Sorry if this makes only minimal sense--I'm just speaking from personal experience.

Answer 10

It's how kids get when they get older

Answer 11

All of the signs of a "popular girl".  Tell her to stop doing all of that bratty stuff and remind her that she doesn't need to act cool around her own mother

Answer 12

Although I'm not a mother, I have an 11 year old brother (9 yrs younger than me) whom I practically raised. He has been giving my parents a bad attitude too. Usually i tell him that i don't like his attitude and  to tell him to fix it and if he continues...don't do any favors for them....i know it sounds childish, but it works for my brother. I also threaten my brother by saying that he can't go out to hang out with his friends and to read or something if he keeps up with the attitude. i tell my parents not to deal with it because he walks all over them. you have to let your daughter know whose boss, but also be friends with your daughter. Do some mother/daughter outings.

:) i hope it helps at least a little bit

Answer 13

to be honest the best thing to do is just ignore her

it has been proven that this is a disconnect in their brains and they cannot distinguish the tone of annoyance in our voices.  their brains are rewiring and these receptors are not fully connected

I sympathize though because my 13 year old is the same and sometimes I want to make her eat her teeth

I wonder why we didn't have that brain disconnect - maybe it was the fear of eating a bar of soap or worse!

A lot of these attitudes also come from the shows they watch.  If you ever see them, the shows depict parents are stupid and clueless and so the kids are always getting over on them.

I've seriously curtailed my teens watching habits too

good luck

Answer 14

punish her.

Answer 15

duct tape...

that was totally sarcasm.