I have an 8 year old son has major attitude and acts like a spoiled brat - What to do?

Question

So the title of this question is my child to a T. If we go to the store, he expects to get something and has a complete cow if we go through drive-thru. And when ever I aks him to do something and/or help out, he says he's not the maid or just looks at me with that "deer in headlights" stare. Plus when I tell him "No", he keeps going like he didn't even hear me. He will scream like a little girl and throw a complete tantrum if he can't get something a nanosecond after he asks. He destroys his possessions and immediately wants something new. And if I don't set out any ARMY-type clothing (current phase), he starts on a rampage. I have tried setting boundaries, but he always finds some loophole. Help! What do I do?!?!?

Answer 1

Teach him that there are consequences for his actions, and stick with it.  You not only want him to love you, but to respect you.

Answer 2

Whatever you do, don't spank.

Spanking is mean and for the uneducated.

Sit down and reason with him and bribe him to good behavior.

Answer 3

take away everything he has for a few days make him work to get it back even set out plain clothes be firm and let him know your the boss let him know what hes been doing wrong and then let him know what you need from him.he is a little old for spanking and if you like me just to big i have a 7 yr old and sometimes his mouth just drives me crazy but he knows i will take away his game boy so he dont push to far!!!!!good luck

Answer 4

I think there are some behavior things going on here so lets start there.  Behavior is always being reinforced or in the process of extinction.  So the question is what are you doing to facillitate these negative behaviors?  Melissa and Doug have a great chore chart reinforcer.  This will get him doing positive behaviors.  You just need to find something to motivate him.  For a kid like you describe positive reinforcement will probably be more successful than punishment (time out, taking away video games)  Negative reinforcers work well to (taking away unwanted work like doing the dishes).  I would arm yourself with some books to help you change his behavior. Teaching social skill to youth Father Flanigan Boystown method is a place to start.  It has skills that teach step by step how to do something.  This is work but if you don't get him together now it will only get worse as he gets older.  Have him evaluated by a reputable neurologist to rule out an Autistic Spectrum Disorder.  You are describing a mild but distinctly Autistic Spectrum disability above.  The meltdowns (having a cow, complete tantrum) describes a much younger child or an Autistic Spectrum child, the dear in the headlights stare, destroying possessions, and the perseverative inability to accept not wearing army clothing, that resistance to accept change.  These are serious neurological issues that are not all behavior its not that he is a brat per se, and its not your fault either but you do need some help from a professional.  Many mildly autistic spectrum kids slide through the system but without support they develop a negative self-image, become a criminal or worse.  DON'T take away the army clothes that would be a gigantic mistake.  What works with my Autistic sons is preparing them.  Tell them ahead of time this is what we are doing and we are not buying you anything.  Give him incentive, if he is good in the store we will get a slurpee, go to the park whatever works.  Then go to the store if he acts up leave immediately without checking out.  Do not discuss it in the car go home give him time to cool down then talk with him.

Answer 5

Do we have the same son?  Serious now mine is the same way and I have found that if I ignore the tantrum it stops a lot sooner.  if I argue or try to reason with him it gets worse, when he calms down I then tell him that it was unacceptable and if he continues to act that way he wont be getting anything or going anywhere.  If he does it at home I tell him to go to his room and he can come out when he acts right.  Whatever you do you have to be consistent in it and be firm.  If you give him the reaction he is wnting then he will continue to act out.  If all else fails swat him on the rear with your hand one time that usually gets mine attention.

Answer 6

that's a tough one.  my daughter has an attachment disorder and exhibits many of those behaviors and more.  it may be that he doesn't feel like he is being listened to and respected.  the next time he throws a tantrum like you described, instead of getting angry and yelling back, just let him go and don't respond negatively.  instead say things like, "wow, that must be hard for you." "tell me how you are feeling." "tell me how i can help you." etc.  sometimes if they feel like they are being heard it helps them.  a lot of times kids just want to feel vaildated and included, but they don't know how to express that.  my 7 y/o certainly doesn't know how to express herself, but when I really listened and let her talk, I realized how left out she felt, and that she just needed more time and attention.  good luck with your son.  i know how stressful those behaviors can be, but you iwll get through it!

Answer 7

Have you watched super nanny?  http://abc.go.com/primetime/supernanny/i...

i hate to pass the buck so to speak but you've got to make serious changes in how your handling this.  Set boundaries. Be consistent.. and don't cave in to his demands. Decide what actions to take and let your son know that changes are going to be made and his behavior is unacceptable.  Also go to the link above for useful suggestions and tips.

Best of luck to you.. this wont' be easy but you've got to stop this now it will not get any better.

Answer 8

You need to show him that you are the boss, not him.  If you don't do something soon, it will only get worse.  Honestly, sounds like he needs a good spanking.  He has to learn that there are consequences to his bad behavior and the only way to prove that to him is to stick by your word once you tell him something.  Don't let him find any loop holes in your boundries.  Stick to them no matter what.  You have to take charge of him instead of him being in charge of you.

Answer 9

Set up REAL rules with REAL consequences and whenever he brakes a rule follow through dint be a push over

Answer 10

if i were u i would hit that kid when we get home

besides dont you have the authority of what to do or what not to do dont let your son control you its time you put your foot down and say "NO" and if hes good you can get him something but only 1 thing because then he'll go back to being selfish

Answer 11

Oh thank the Lord i'm not the only one. I'm fighting the same battle with my 7 year old son. I told him this morning i am going to start carrying his paddle with me again. A couple of years ago i kept it in my purse and he straightned up. It looks like i'm going to have to do it again. I'm not sure if you are a single mom or not but i am and if we don't take control now we will never have it. I also am going to try taking away his favorite thing, baseball. Good luck!!!!

Answer 12

First I would get rid of all army clothes, then sit him down and let him know that if he acts up again that you will spank his butt and follow thru with it each and every time that he acts up.

I mean a good spanking to let him know you mean business.

only spank him on his bottom in just his underwear so he can feel it. (I like a plastic pancake turner) make him lay across a bed or chair so that you only hit the bottom.

Let him know that you Love him however you are not going to put up with Bad behavior from him.

Make him do his chores and give him a set amount of time to finish them if he don't finish in time take something away from him, t.v, toys etc. only return his items when he start doing his chores and not before. He has to earn his items.

You have to put your foot down now and be the grownup or he will run over you and then it will be to late to try to change him.

Stay strong and don't give in stay in control know matter how upset you are. Follow thru.

Be Blessed and let us know how things are going. It should take about 2 weeks to get him where you want him.

Ladyb

Answer 13

Children learn from their parents as examples.  If he's acting like a spoiled brat it's highly likely that you have a bratty attitude yourself.   You might want to revise that.

You also need to train him and discipline him. THe word "no" means diddly squat when there are no negative consequences associated with it.  You can say it til you're blue in the face but if nothing happens when your son disobeys he has no reason to listen to you.

Stop letting him control you.  Tell him what you expect of him and use  consistent discipline.  If he destroys his toys, toss them.  Don't get him new ones.  Don't "try" to set boundaries.  Set them.  And be consistent.  

When we go out, I tell my daughter what's expected of her.  If she acts up in public, I stop what I'm doing and take her somewhere where her behavior can be corrected.  Or you can set up a system between you two where he knows punishment is immenent upon arrival at home.  Say, he acts up in the drive through, and you hold up one finger for him to see, and that means "five licks to your legs when we get home." And then follow through.  If you don't believe in spanking, then use another punishment, but make sure to be consistent every time.  

If you let him win ONE time, he'll try another hundred in the hopes he'll win again.

Answer 14

As a cop father i uaually have a 10 year old boy who is ver y like that and her once kicked me and i pulled uot my exeact replica of my real gun since i am a cop and then he shuts up and once i actully shot an air bullet

Answer 15

Take a leaft from 'super nannies' book - Time out on the naughty step!

http://www.supernanny.co.uk/TV-Show/Clip...

Answer 16

Must be going around because my 8 yr old daughter is like that lately! What I do to her is send her to her room, ground her from computer, take away her allowance, ignore her, or when all else fails use the most powerful thing I have...." I cant wait for your dad to get home!". I am pregnant right now so I think maybe that is having to with some of her fits. Has anything changed in your household? Sounds like something is bothering him or he feels like he isnt getting enough attention so he thinks he needs to act out to get it. Thats the way my daughter gets. Maybe you can try and do something together before he gets to that point, but do not reward him when he acts like that.  Thats my situation right now hope it helps a lil:)

Answer 17

You might try corporal punishment.  If that doesn't work...try selling him to a sweat shop.

Answer 18

smack his bottom.. its not bad to spank your kid if he starts acting like that then smack it..  after a few times it will stop

Answer 19

I have a 7 year old daughter that at times has the same attitude. I have found a wonderful punishment without having to physically beat her (spank) lol. I make her stand in the corner with her hands upon her head for 10 minutes. Within about 3 minutes she is so uncomfortable, light headed, etc. She hates this. She cries but when I warn her of the "corner" she straighten right up.

Answer 20

Just remember that you are the boss.  At some earlier point in his life you set the tone of your relationship.  It will be tough to change things around now, but you have to unless you want total chaos in the pre-teen years.  You are going to have to do some serious manipulating.  If he has TV in his room use removing it permanently as a punishment.  Don't set a time limit to get it back, he has to earn it back with good behavior.  Use the Army clothes as punishment as well...If you don't turn around and listen to me right now, I'm taking your camo-pants away.  Hide them somewhere he can't get them.  Also make him earn them back.  If he throws a fit, then let him.  If he is hurting you or himself take him to therapy.  If he sees that there are consequences to bad behavior then he'll stop eventually.  You also have to concentrate on good behavior.  When my daughter has been exceptionally well behaved I tell her thank you and give her a big hug.

Answer 21

I was going to suggest discipline.  But this kid seem to functioning like a toddler.  Is their anythng medical or psychological?  Take him to your doctor or a professional.