I have an almost 10 year old (girl) who has suddenly developed what appears to be separation anxiety at night.

Question

She has trouble getting to sleep and cries, wants to be with me.

Answer 1

hmmm that sounds like perhaps she is getting teased or bullied at school.  talk to her and tell her that she can tell you about anything or that she can talk to her teacher if she can't tell you.  if she can't talk about it perhaps ask her to write it down.  if it goes on for more than another month or so i'd take her to the doctor and get a referral for counselling or therapy which may help her...

Answer 2

maybe something happened at school/daycare. She's old enough to discuss why she is doing this, just ask.

Answer 3

You really need to talk to her. A 10 year old should not just all of a sudden get this way. She must be really bothered by something that happened or how she feels about herself. Use the time that she wants to be by you to talk with her and get her to open up. This is her way to cry out for help but she does not know how. Make sure she feels safe talking to you. If she does not say anything right away keep trying until she feels comfortable enough to say something.

Kids have such a hard time growing up these days you do not want her to feel alone.

Answer 4

Has something happened to scare her? has somebody said something that is playing on her mind? Is she having nightmares? poor little thing something has happened that she isn't happy about, could you not sleep with her a few nights see if you could get her to chat to you for a couple of minutes each night about why she is feeling this way, but don't drill her for answers or she might go into a shell. Just give her lots of TLC she'll probably get over it soon x

Answer 5

ummmmmm

dont worry bout it

Im single momma and my just tunred 9 ALWAYS sleeps with me...My older daughter even got him a camaflouge tent but it worked for ONE nite.....Then a nurse friend told me when her son gets really on the brink of depression, he is 17, he comes in and lays on her bed and talks and talks to her, when he does, dad just rubs his sons head and goes to the couch. So we arent alone.....My just turned 11 yearold daughter sleeps with me to at times, but thats cause her BED IS MESSY! hahaha

Answer 6

well every sence i was 11 ive had the same thing but soon it will go away dont worry. try to set limits if she sleeps in her room for one week she gets a prize and then make it two weeks then 3 weeks

Answer 7

I think this is very normal.  Kids go through phases like this.  Just make sure she hasn't gone through something lately at school that you don't know about.  If everything is okay in that department, maybe you could just lie down with her for a while at night until she goes to sleep or just before.  It won't last forever.

Answer 8

At her age, she is becoming more aware of the real dangers of the world we live in.  I had the same problems when I was around her age- I was petrified that someone was going to break into my house while my family was sleeping, and I did not want to be alone.  I don't remember if I saw something about it on TV or what, but it triggered something in me that made me scared at night for a long time.  I just grew out of it, but it took several months.  And today, 25 years later, there are a lot more things for young people (and adults too!) to be scared of.  

Don't just brush off her fears with a "Nothing is going to  happen." Take her fears seriously, and talk about ways to prevent them from happening.  Even if you (and she) can't identify the exact cause of her fears, she needs to feel empowered.  Enroll her in a self-defense class, show her how to protect herself and stand up for herself, practice what to do in an emergency, show her how small the chances of something bad, like a break-in or even a school shooting or terrorist attack, happening to her really are.  If she is scared someone is going to break into your house, let her help you install security measures.  If something is actually already happening to her, like bullying or abuse, encourage her to be open with you and assure her that you will help fix the problem.  In any case, be patient with her and reward her for any progress she makes, no matter how small the steps are.

Answer 9

This happened with my son, at about the same age.  Whatever you do, don't allow her to sleep with you!  You'll have a heck of a time getting her out of your bed!  Thankfully, I learned that from my mother, as my sister had the same problem, so I didn't make the same mistake.  I sat with my son for a little while and we'd chat for a few minutes, then I'd lay down with him for about 10 minutes to relax him.  I also added a night light.  It passed over a few months.

Answer 10

Hmm something happened that triggered this; it could be she saw something on tv that she shoulnd't have seen, it could be she has been molested, it could be she's being bullied at school, it could be she's having nightmares. First, sit her down and find out whats causing this anxiety; she's at an age where she can verbalize it. Next don't let her sleep in the same bed with you because thats only encouraging her codepency, if she does have these anxiety attacks, let her stay in your room BUT in a sleeping bag on the floor.

Answer 11

I have a ten yr old daughter and if this was happening w/ her I'd know right away something else is wrong and she doesn't know how to talk about what is bothering her.  Give her lots of opportunities to talk to you and let her know she can talk to you about anything.  I definately don't think this is really separation anxiety.