I have an out of control child can anyone help?

Question

she is ok most of the time. i used to serve me and my husband the same dinner and cater to what she likes. now i will not do that if she doesnt eat what we make thats it...if it is something she hates she will throw a tantrum. lately she has been throwing alot of them and nothing helps not even time out. maybe shes has ADD i dont know she used to be a very good kid but ever since started preschool she picked up bad habits from the kids there. she copies what other kids do even if she knows it is wrong. can anyone help please im pulling my hair out

Answer 1

You have some great advice and answers here!  You could also let her help plan and make the meal on occasion. Let her pick her favorite for dinner one night a week and make a big deal out of eating her favorite. Then make a big deal out of eating your favorite and dad's. It will reinforce taking turns.

If she is having a tantrum, remove her from the situation and let her know she can come back when she is done and walk away. Go back to eating your dinner and save hers for when she is ready.

Good luck, and know this will get better with consistency.

Answer 2

You are her mom and you get to make the rules. Once you make them, you have to stick with them. Consistency is the key. If she throws a tantrum because she doesn't like dinner, she doesn't eat. She will not starve. She will learn that what she is given is all she is going to get. If you offer it and she refuses, put the plate in the fridge and if she says she is hungry, she can finish her dinner.

I wouldn't perpetuate the situation by making food that she knowingly does not like  ( I don't mean food that she " isn't in the mood for"). If you know she hates peas and she has tried them and just has not taste for them, she just isn't going to eat them. Start out by making dinner for the family that you know she has eaten and liked before. Once she has learned that dinner is dinner and there are no two ways about it, start adding some new foods.

Children only have a few things in the their worlds that they can control and food is one of them. Don't force her. This will only cause her to retreat further and that is a battle that is hard to win. Stand your ground! you can do it!

Tantrums in a preschooler are normally not an indication of ADD but an indication that she is ready for some choices of her own so she can have some indepence. Let her have some choices, too. Maybe you can let her choose the vegetable for dinner each night? if she has had some say in what's going on, she may be willing to cooperate better.

Answer 3

I think it's a case of "let me test my parents and see what I can get away with."  Like you said, she just started pre-school and kids are like sponges, they soak up and learn anything they see or hear.  Remember, moms are not short-order cooks, we are here to guide them along to the right path, right choices, and right diet.  Hope this helps!

I'm a mother of 3 (ages 11, 8, &7)

Answer 4

I recommend consulting her pediatrician and/or a mental health professional who specializes in dealing with small children.

If her behavioral problems are indeed caused (at least partly)

by ADD or some other mental or physical disorder, whatever doctor(s) you consult might be able to prescribe medication, surgery, counseling, and/or behavioral therapy that may help your daughter. I wish you lots of luck!

Answer 5

Little kids will do anything to get their way. My son is 2 1/2 and I've started counting 1, 2, 3 when he refuses to do something - if he does not comply he gets time out in play pen or one spank (I'm 8 months preg and can't hardly pick him up for time out! - I'm generally against spanking) It took maybe 2-3 times - now he complys at 2 most of the time.  The punishment has to be something immediate that the kid does not like - time out works great if it is consistant. My 4 year old listens most of the time now - and she was acting up before I put my foot down. I put her in her room for time out, take away movies, no treats, etc.

Tell her to eat or go to bed - or no movie, take away whatever she likes a lot. And do it every single time she acts out. She'll fight you at first but she'll learn her actions get that same response every single time.

Answer 6

My daughter is 3 going on 13 yrs old... I have the same problem... Spank her!  I think it says in the bible Spoil the Child Spare the Rod.  So what if its against the law to "spank" your daughter... That is the only way I am not a criminal today, my dad or mom would put a belt to my butt or knock the sense into me... SOUNDS bad but i do.

Answer 7

I don't know you or your daughter, but I do know that preschool is not what has made your daughter out of control: it was you. Why did you let her eat whatever she wanted? Did you know that by doing that, you were raising her to think that she can have whatever she wants? It is not the influence of other kids that has done this, it was you. I'm not trying to say that you are a bad parent, all I'm saying is that you need to start thinking about your child's future, than catering to her every need. It may not be too late, but you NEED to start being more strict with her and set the rules straight. Look her in the eyes when you are talking to her, and make sure she is paying attention. If she doesn't want to eat dinner, than all you need to say is "You will eat what I put in front of you miss, and if you dont want it, than your just going to have to wait for breakfast tomorrow." Dont let the bad habits start early, unless you want to be on Nanny 911. It might be hard for you now, but you have to think of her future. Do you want a spoiled brat, or a sweet, successful daughter who you can be proud of. These early years will make or break your daughter's habits. I really hope you listen to my advice, I know it will work; just try your hardest and you will be surprised at how behaved she becomes! Good luck!

Answer 8

She doesn't have ADD, going to preschool didn't cause her to throw trantrums.  She is a normal child who is finding out that everything she wants isn't going to fall into her lap when she wants it to.  If you REALLY believe it is the children in the preschool who have caused her to behave as she does then remove her from preschool.

Answer 9

you didnt say how old she was? but you just have to be firm in what you expect from her.  You should have started out not fixing her different things, or doing whatever it is you would like to do now.  When you decided to up an change things when the child is 2 or 3 or even older.. you will get problems.

and yeah, she is learning bad behavior from others.. you just have to again, let her know what is expected of her, and not let her get away with it.  GL

Answer 10

Do you watch Super Nanny? I love it!

Start over brand new at breakfast tomorrow. Set clear expectations and repeat repeat repeat them.  I'd suggest pretending to eat with her dolls and let her dolls/stuffed toy try the new food.  Depending on her age, I am assuming 4?

Set a few ground rules.  We do this and we don't do this.

Make a poster with her with pictures of a fork for example  if you need to reinforce using utensils, or do a reward chart if she does a good job at meal time. Reward her for her good behavior but never give in. If she acts up and has one warning, no sticker that night.

Set an example when you and your husband eat of appropriate behavior and have fun with it. My husband and I realized our son's role models for eating were 2 year olds-not the best, so we have to be the example.  Let her have a doll or fave animal eat with you and everyone can practice their manners.  My 2 year old sometimes says he won't eat something, but the moment we "ignore" him and dig in while saying "yum yum", he goes for it. If you serve three healthy courses and your child only eats one, they will even themselves out over a week. (Veggies one day, fruit the next) All you can do is offer and offer and offer-sometimes it takes many many time. Put food in differnt forms-cheese slices, grated, etc. Give her a children's multivitamin but ask your doctor if you are unsure.

Praise praise praise when she does a good job with the smallest feat. 'you did a great job trying brocoli, etc."

It will be worth it but I know it's difficult. Take time to breathe and relax.

Worst case-after you try all this over and over, Time outs  may take 12 hours, but you've got to make time out work, even if you have to return her to the spot 150 times the first time.

My son picks up some "bad habits" from daycare too, but it's our job to do the very best job to set a consistent model at home. They'll always be influenced at school-even in college. Talk to your preschool teacher about your challenges-is it happening at school too? Eat a meal there and see how they manage a meal there. The teacher can help reinforce your daughters behavior at school too and tell her "I heard you got a sticker today" or she could wear it to school  for example.

Answer 11

Not catering to her isn't being too strict. It's being a good parent. My child is a tantrum thrower. She's 16 months. I just let her lay there or I'll lay her down somewhere softer. And tell her, "When you are finished, you may join us (doing whatever it is I want her to do)" and walk away and proceed to do whatever it is w/out her. And ignore her...it doesn't take but a minute for her to calm down and join us.

Answer 12

4 is generally to young to think about ADD, most of the times kids get diagnosed around 2nd or 3rd grade. ADD is not a behaviour problem it's an attention defficit problem.

Kids that age start testing their boundaries to see how far they can go. Since you used to cater to her at dinner it'll take a while for her to get used to it.

When she doesn't want to eat don't make a fuss over her not eating, but don't let her have anything else until the next mealtime.

Temper Tantrums need a time out area and lots of patience. Whaterver you do don't give in, that'll just make it worse. Kids go through phases when they're sweet and great and then they're hellions. Just stick to your guns and your rules. You set the expectations.

I've two mostly well behaved kids ,14 and 10. Even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes they remember your rules and expectations. Good luck and find a way to keep your cool.