I have anxiety over not knowing when my husband's family is going to show up next. Suggestions?

Question

Every time I know that my mother in law has off, she calls my husband Saturday morning at 7 am, first thing to see what he's doing. He's usually working. She swindles him into going home early (he works for himself) and letting her visit us. She gives him little to no notice, and he gives me even less notice.

I get extremely anxiety stricken and I feel I must keep the house in immaculate shape just in case I get a phone call that she's coming over in a few hours. It's ruining my life. I've become almost OCD about keeping the house clean. My husband doesn't understand and he says "The house is always clean." Yes, thanks to my OCD caused by his family and him. He thinks it's ok to surprise me with their visits and I am very angry and cold with them when they come over.

They also like to surprise all of us by bringing their bathing suits and towels to use our pool without anyone's permission. I desperately want to take down the pool because we're running into problems with not being able to use it due to algae and cold weather. I am tempted to dump in too much shock in case they show up this weekend to swim.

How do I relieve my anxiety? I am constantly cleaning because my husband is terrible at communicating with me when they are coming over. I figure if I over compensate, I can live with less worry about when they will show up. I talked with my husband about giving me notice, and he hasn't done much better than one hour's notice so far. I have a 9 month old baby who I don't spend much time with due to this fear and anxiety. Sometimes when he calls to announce they'll be over, I have to rush to give my baby and myself a shower.

How can I live in peace already?

Answer 1

YOu and hubby need couples counseling,, like last year. He is crapping all over you by allowing this YOU should be his primary concern,.not mommy and daddy. His is a big baby.

If he refuses counseling and refuses immediate to refuse them to come over, you go to a movie and don;t lift a finger. You get into therapy to help you determine how and when you are going to dump this bozo you call a husband,.

Wake up! His it shitting all over you. His parents have to be set in their place, end of discussion,. and should not be allowed over no re than a few time's a year, at best. and it must be made in advance Rio make YOU comfortable...

, Except for dinners Prue arranged and some family gatherings also pore arranged. Your welfare comes first not his mama!

If he gets angry at you leave the house and stop cooking and cleaning and laundries. He will get the idea. YOU NEED COUNSELING and a therapist will ream his butt in therapy. Often, these men do not change,. and if not, divorce is the remedy!!!

Answer 2

Just stop!  I use to keep an immaculate house.  Seriously you could eat off my window sills.  I made sure that everything was in its place and everything was shining.  I cleaned things that didn't need to be cleaned.  I had two mother in laws that were "perfect".  All that time I spent cleaning my house I let myself go.  I ended up losing my marriage and my three children lost their father (because his new wife is such a b**** to them) to his younger, skinnier secretary.  If I would have taken a fourth of the time that was put into my house and put int on myself I would probably still have a husband.  Reason he gave me was "we no longer looked like we belonged together".  Guess what the woman he left for and now is married to does not keep a perfect house.  But she does find time to work out and eat healthy.  I'm not saying that you don't take care of yourself.  You probably do.  I was just telling my story to help you realize that I'm sure something is suffering somewhere so you can have a spotless house and in the grand scheme of things it is not worth it.  I am now spending time on myself and lots of time with my kids.  I do still have a ?clean? house but by my old standards it would be awful.  But I am a great deal happier and so are my kids.  What is the worse thing that could happen if your house wasn't perfect and the in laws or anyone for that matter came over?  They will make a comment.  So what.  You could always respond, "With company dropping in all the time and enjoying being a mom I just don't have time.  I use to have my priorities all messed up and now they are not.  Sorry if it makes you uncomfortable but you are more than welcome to pick up."  This will get the point driven home to your in laws that think it is ok to visit all the time and to your husband that thinks it is ok not to give you notice.  Good luck.

Answer 3

It's HIS family, so it's HIS responsibility to prepare things for them when they're coming over, not yours! Don't let him be lazy and make you do all the work.

When my family come over, I prepare. When my wifes family come over, she prepares. Thats only fair. I suggest you sort something like this with your husband because it's clearly bothering you.

Or you could stop caring what people think so much. Does it really matter if your house isn't immaculate? So what? If they judge you for that then they're not worth knowing. .

Answer 4

oh u poor thing...arent the inlaws awesome..i hears ya.

ok..do this>next time they come over...act like a guest yourself. dont clean! just kick back and let the hubby do ALL the work. then he may understand.

good luck honey

Answer 5

take the pool down. leave the dishes in the sink. who cares what your house looks like? are they there to see the family or the house ? just pull your hair in a pony tail and take a deep breath. familt time is time spent together. if your in laws judge you on the dirty dishes, who cares.... you have dirty dishes . or your hairs not perfect. if their loving caring people they wont care. if you need to unplug the phone on saturday mornning for a little peace then do that. after they leave are you any more or less of a person. being happy starts from within and you should never live life to please others. my house is never totally clean . i have two teens and four inside dogs. his family and mine come over when they want and dont say a word about the house. they come over to enjoy time with the family and would love me no matter what.

Answer 6

Girlfriend!!! She isn't your mother and she is not your husband. You don't have to meet any expectations except your marraige's. Live your life day to day the same as if she wasn't coming or going or whatever. who cares? that's the attitude you need to adopt. and if hubby have a problem with that tell to leave extra early so he can come home and meet his OWN momma's expectations. This is not the fifties and you don't seem like a slouch so do what you do for you, not anyone else. You didn't tell him to come on short notice so she'll see whatever it is she she's, don't put your schedule on hold to meet her or his needs based on assumption!!