I have been divorced for 2 years...?

Question

When we got divorced my x moved across the country. She took our now 2 1/2 year old son with her. I have not had a relationship with this child, but I pay my x child support every month. My x does not talk to me about the child (although we do have joint custody, she has not allowed me to see him, and going to court is too costly), but I did have a couple weeks visit with my son this summer for the first time in over a year. He was not clean, he smelled as if he hadn't had a bath since the last time i saw him. And than i found out through a dna test that he isn't mine. Now the courts say that there is nothing I can do, bc i am now the presumed dad since the divorce papers are signed. Has anyone else been in a situation like this? This child knows his moms fiance more than he knows me, but if she is not willing to let him step in as the father and take over paternity rights, what do I do? How do you deal with a situation like this?

Answer 1

From a lawyer.  Whomever told you that you can't do anything about it was wrong.  You can file a Motion to Terminate Parent-Child Relationship and use the DNA test as one ground, her refusal to allow visitation as another ground.  You need to hire a lawyer where she lives and file the suit.  It's cheaper than paying child support for x years isn't it?

Answer 2

you need to get out of this situation and file papers for the right paternal parent to take charge of the payments or else you will be paying for a very long time.

either that, if you like the kid, you can sue to take custody of him if that is your choice.

Answer 3

Get a lawyer. You say that a lawyer is too expensive but how much will you pay to this woman for child support? You need to stop this. You also - if you feel that the child is being neglected - have a responsibility as a human being to report this situation to CPS. If you feel you can't or if the allegations you're making are convenient to make her look bad, don't but if you truly believe that this child is being neglected, have someone call if you can't man up and do it yourself.

Answer 4

I would pay to get a paternity test so that you know whether or not he his yours, even if there is nothing you can do about paying child support.  Going to court is not costly if you do not hire a lawyer, and you really do not need one.  In the state of Florida if you have joint custody, or even shared parental responsibility, then she does not have a legal right to move more than 65 miles away from where you were living at the time of the divorce. Check the laws of your state- there is free access to the law library at major courthouses in your area- use them to your advantage.  She could be forced to move back.  Also, even if she is not forced to moved back, if it is not specified as to how you are supposed to share your time with your son, then file a motion to clarify the final dissolution of marriage.  If it is specified, and she is not complying, file a motion for contempt of court for not allowing you to spend time with your son, which if she is found guilty she will have to pay a fine or go to jail.  As to your son not being bathed properly, if you really feel that your son is not being cared for properly, contact family services in your area, who will come out to your home and interview you, and who will then transfer the case to where she lives and interview her as well.  If the department feels that she is neglecting or abusing your son (which is very difficult to prove unless there are marks on his body), then they will remove the child from her home and shelter your son with yourself or another family member until you go to court.

Whatever you do, do not wait!  The longer you wait, the more your son, and you, will suffer.

Answer 5

What a load of c**p. Get a lawer. A good one. NO way you can be held responsible for support for a child that isn't yours after 5 years total.

Answer 6

The child is not bonded to you since you have only seen him once in 2-1/2 years, so you can get out of paying child support.  But you need a good lawyer to get you out of this mess, you should have had the dna test done before you started making payments.  Definitely call CPA on the mother she isn't taking care of the baby and that is everyone's concern not just relatives she lied and got you in a big mess now put her into one herself.

Answer 7

The sad reality of the thing is that if you are on the birth certificate or the divorce papers as the father, the court presumes you to be the father, even in the face of DNA testing.  You're only true recourse would be to prove, through DNA testing, who the real father is.  You'd have to actually find the guy and prove its his kid in order to stop paying child support.  

On another note, if she gets married, you generally can get the child support reduced or waived.

Answer 8

You love the child and forget the circumstances.  Of course at the moment, you are feeling betrayed and bewildered, even a little angry. Who wouldn't?  But many relationships between a man and a child have been warm and loving, despite the complications.  From your description of his physical appearance, I would think he needs a loving friend, a surrogate father, far more than other children will.  See him whenever you can, give him your loving attention, and forget his mother. She isn't worth the time it takes to worry about it all!