I have been ttc for 10mos after losing my baby at 22 weeks

Question

There were abnormalities and the baby stopped drowing at 19 weeks and the doctors were concerned with my health so we had to have a surgical D&C. We stopped for 3 mos after and now we have been trying since Oct 2007 with no luck. My friend knows that I have a meltdown every month when i get my period and that i am very depressed about not getting pregnant. Her and her husband just got married in Oct and she just cheated on him two weeks ago and now she is off the pill and they are trying to concieve(she told me they are) I just feel so pissed off towards her because she isnt even in a good relationship and she is trying to bring a baby into this world(she has a 6 yr old already) also i am worried that she is going to get pregnant before I do and I am going to be so upset, DO you think it is inconsiderate of her to tell me they are trying? Plus we are coworkers so i am going to have to see her everyday. I just feel betrayed and sad....thanks for listening.

**babydust to us all**

Answer 1

Let me start by saying that I completely understand where you are coming from. I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your baby-that must have been very hard on you. I tried to conceive for 3 years with hubby #1 and he ended up leaving me because it didn't happen. He met another girl 3 weeks after we separated and had her pregnant within 3 months. Now, I am with hubby #2 who is a very nice guy and we have been together for 5 years. I'm 30 and he's 36 and neither of us have any children. We have been trying to conceive for about 2 years. I am on Metformin and am getting ready to start my first dose of Clomid. I have the same feelings you do about people I know who are tyring to have kids and shouldn't be. I have a cousin who has 4 kids by 2 different dads and is on welfare and everytime she gets pregnant she calls me to tell me how excited she is....It drives me nuts. YES, I think your "friend" is very inconsiderate. I know it is very hard for me to see even good moms w/ kids in public or to see maternity stores, baby items etc....it makes me so depressed and sometimes I feel like I'm being punished for something. I had to stop going to the OB/GYN for a while because it upset me to see all the pregnant women.....I am sending LOTS of babydust your way!!!!! May luck and good fortune shine on you!!!!! As for your friend, I would tell her how rude you think her behavior was and if she gets mad at you, she wasn't your friend to begin with. Good Luck.

Answer 2

She probably told you so you wouldn't be totally shocked if she did become pregnant.  Try to stay optimistic and think positive.  If you are down all the time it isn't good!

Answer 3

I am very sorry about the loss of your unborn baby and I felt the way you did when I found out last week that I had a miscarriage for the second time this year.  I am not giving up hope and know that I have my husband to help me cope with this and my roller coaster feelings.  One day we will get over this streak that we have been having and we will get to expereince all of the wonders of parenthood (I look forward to morning sickness and all of those things that come along during those 9 months!)  My sister in law just had her 2nd child two days ago and she has had the same problems that my husband and I face plus she has MS.  I look to her for advice and guidance and know that if she can overcome these problems I can too!   Anyways, you shouldn't be jealous of your coworker's news if she gets pregnant before you.  Just be happy and this thing called kharma will be good to you in return.  

Answer 4

I'm so very sorry for your loss, I deeply hope that you will be blessed with a pregnancy and beautiful, live healthy baby soon!

I can understand why you would feel hurt with your friends decisions, anyone in your position would be too.  Maybe she realised what is missing in her life and has made this choice.  She certainly should have been more considerate towards your feelings.

I have also been trying for around 2 yrs for another baby.  As I do not feel comfortable discussing my feelings even with my friends, I have not told any of them for my want of another child.  It has been painfully hard for me to look at negative results over this time, only to find out yet another one of my friends are expecting.   During this time I have lived through 23 pregnancies of friends and family, some of which have had 1 and are now pregnant again with another!

I live in the hope that the NEXT time it will be me!  as it scares me now that I think I may be running out of time because of my age.

I truely believe that OUR time WILL come, I just really hope that it's sooner not later.

Wishing your dreams for a healthy baby come true very VERY soon!  Good Luck and Babydust!

Answer 5

Well, you said you two are friends, and as her friend, she feels that she can tell you what's going on in her life. However, she should be sympathetic to you as you are having trouble trying to conceive. I am very sorry of your loss and hope you can conceive soon with a healthy little baby. Try using an ovulation kit every month, that may make it easier for you and your husband to conceive.

Answer 6

I definitely understand where you are coming from!  I get depressed every time I see pregnant women, but I try not to get too discouraged.  That is them, and this is me!!  We are different.  I have been ttc for 4 years with my hubby, and he is very patient and supportive.  My older sister who is 32 just got pregnant her first month of trying!! I was so jealous, but also so very happy for her. I cried in secret.  Please don't give up hope because "things worth having, are worth waiting for"!!  Try to stay motivated, and positive, and love your husband, and just think that every month that goes by you have another chance to get pregnant!  Good luck to you!!  Also, you have every right to be upset with your coworker.  If she knows you are ttc, then she is being VERY insenstive.  And you do not need that.  Hang around with only those people who will lift you up, NOT bring you down..  I know you will be a mommy soon

Answer 7

I think you should tell your friend that you don't want to talk about trying to get pregnant and that it is a very sensitive issue for you. I probably would distance myself from the friendship due to her life style choices of cheating. Sometimes friendships just die a natural death. Try to surround yourself by positive people and influences. Try to just have a co-worker relationship with her and if you start distancing yourself now you won't have her "in your face" in the event that she does become pregnant. I do feel it is insensitive of her to tell you so much but she probably is so wrapped up in herself that she doesn't even realize how it bothers you... I'd just try not to be so chummy with her in/out of work. Make some new friends and rely on the boards for support. You will always have an angel looking out for you! One day you will meet your baby and until that time you really need to take good care of yourself. Don't put so much pressure on yourself... I know how hard it is to loose a child. I have lost 3 but under different circumstances. I am very sorry for your loss and hope that with time your pain will be lessened. It may help you to go through some type of grief counseling and counseling in general to help you deal with insensitive people... it would help I think... someone not so close to you that can help you prepare for situations that may come up...  

Answer 8

I dont think that you are being rude for feeling hurt, because you cannot help the way you feel.  I am not trying to concieve, and if my friend told me she cheated on her hubby and then now decides she wants to get pregnant, that would bother me too.  I know it's a very emotional time for you, but you have to stay positive, and pray.  It takes some people up to two years to conceive, my cousin finally gave up after two years, and that month ended up pregnant.  Just try to relax, and not stress out so much!  Good Luck, and I hope that you will get your little blessing very soon!