I have disowned my mother... Havent talk more than a year?

Question

My mother started with belts ever since i was 3, she whipped me in malls, home, etc. As i got older i got smacked in the face a lot, punched & Kicked in the back.

In my family this is very Normal. Nobody ever thought twice about it. i got my 1st glimpse of a "Normal" family when i met my husband's family. For the first time at the age of 25 i realized that i was getting abused all those years. My mother used to say things like "i love you but i dont like you".

Her husband used to m********e with the door open, blasting his pornos. I've seen my brother get beat with broomsticks and dragged across the floor by the neck, while being told "I'll beat you like a man" (this was by my step father).

we never ate dinner together & the only time my mother cooked was when her husband's kids would come over.

Now that we are grown & successful my mother wants to pretend like nothing ever happened, like she's the sweetest person in the world... Her denial is insulting. would u disown her too?

Answer 1

i think i would have disowned her a long time ago, i don't know why you waited that long. i think i would see if your MIL will be your mom now.  i hope that you can have a good relationship with your MIL since it sounds like they have a great family to be a part of. but i do think you need to see someone before you consider having kids of your own.

Answer 2

No I would not no matter what she did she raised you and your are still alive I am sorry to hear you went through so much I mean if you are not comfortable around her that is completely understandable but be there for her I am not saying to have family dinners with her but love and respect her try talking to her make her explain her ways to you

Answer 3

I've disowned people for less. I have a sister I haven't talked to this Century, and when I hear people say that is sad, I tell them, "You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick family." In other words, I would be more devastated if a good friend all of a sudden did something that really hurt me. Having my sister be the way she is, doesn't bother me because if we had had to choose personalities for family, I would never have chosen hers.

Answer 4

Uhh no, not really she is your mother, maybe you can sit down and tell her how you feel about your childhood and maybe she will breakdown and apologize. hope this helps! good luck...........

Answer 5

No one can really answer this for you since you are the one who has lived through this nightmare and survived. Good for you!

You are an adult now, and it is up to you to decide who is going to be part of your life and who is not. I am reminded of my own mother, who was a wonderful mum to us but, like you, is a survivor of some pretty awful stuff. She is tormented by things from her childhood and cannot move on. The biggest struggle for her is forgiveness - not of her abuser (that was easier for her in a way), but of her siblings, several of whom took it upon themselves to make her situation public to others inside and outside the family, and to betray her confidence and trust in many other ways.

Like my mother, you have it in your power to let some of this horrific stuff go - you can forgive your mother and keep on healing. Forgiveness does NOT mean that what she did was ok, or that you have to forget about it or let her be part of your life. What it DOES mean is that you are deciding to not let her have that power over you anymore.

You may not be there yet - when (and if) you forgive is up to you. But you need to take steps to ensure she cannot hurt you physically or emotionally ever again.... or your children, if you have any. Cutting her out of your life may be what you need to do - but the choice and power in this scenario is yours.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Not only would I disown her, I would erase every aspect of her from my life. Photos, gifts (if any) and move on.

I have not spoken to my father in over a year and a half. He wasn't the greatest growing up. My parents were divorced and he would promise to pick me up and would never show, or promise me gifts that he never got for me, but would give his step daughter the world. He even had said to me once when I was 5 and wanted to go home "Fine, I'll take you home, but I'm not your ******* Daddy anymore."  And told my mother in front of me he wanted to give up his parental rights so he can not be bothered by me anymore and be able to spend his time with the family he wants, his new family.

So whatever, s***w them, were better off without people like that in our lives. Besides, they are the ones that are missing out. (my father does not know i am married nor that he's a grandpa)

Answer 7

i have disowened my mother as well she was so bad i went into foster care i'm grown and very happy now and have forgiven her but do not talk to her... i steer clear of a person who could possibly hurt my children... i think you are doing the right thing just find in your sellf to forgive her.. she is sick...

Answer 8

Whatever you decide to do is up to you, but I would never leave a child alone with her (or your step-father) period!

Answer 9

As an adopted child, I believe that its the environment you are raised that makes the person. The people that LOVE you that makes the parent. While I would disown your mother entirely, I would distance myself from her and if she asks, just let her know how you feel. Just because you are grown doesnt mean that the emotional scars arent there. Its time that as an adult you let her know that what went on with you as a child was not alright and was not acceptable then and is not OK now.

Answer 10

Probably.

Answer 11

it is fine. that is not right for anyone. leave your mother out in the cold, when you needed her she was never there for you, why do you need her. Honestly, did you ever have a mother, without blood tests and DNA you never really had a mother. It was only you and your brother. & your step-father should be ashamed of himself i hope he burns in h e l l. that is disgusting. Your poor brother & you. Bet you guys didnt have much self esteem. watch when their 70 and need money or place to stay spit on their faces and be like your not my mother or a father. & dont let them see your kids either. that'll forreal show them. Honestly the best thing to do is to tell your kids that they're dead. f*****k them they have no peace of mind. I would dis own 150% leave your mother alone & let her rot in her home. Keep your head uhp tho :D