I have few memories of my father because he left when I was 4. How do I get over the Anger I feel towards him?

Question

im now an adult and have a family of my own. he has a new wife and kids as well. I get so angry knowing he raised children but just not me!

Answer 1

Your anger can turn inside, and then it would become depression.  

It is better to not have a dad around, then to have an abusive dad!  Things could have been worse.

You need to forgive him, so that you can stop hurting yourself.  It sure isn't hurting him anyway.

Answer 2

You can learn as much from a poor manager as a good one.

You learn what NOT to do.

Take a lesson from that and treat your kids special. You, of all people, know how important it is.

Hats off to your Mom.

Answer 3

Sometimes people do mistake and they regret it later.  I know it is hard to forgive a person who have abandon you when you were 4 years old.  At first it is really hard to accept and forget it.  You can not stay mad all the time,  you need to let go,  past is past,  move on,  maybe he regrets what he had done to you,  he is ashamed to go back to you,  to ask for forgiveness,  because he thinks you will reject and ignore him.

I have the same problem like you do,  he left me when I was 10 years old,  he cheated my mom for several women,  i missed a dad figure in my life,  i always think that i had a dad who will play with me,  picking me up after school,  had happy moment together and etc.  I find it is hard to accept the fact that he could do such a thing to leave us with no support at all,  my mom struggled all the time to earn money like knitting clothes, gloves,  just to fed us.  I always think  what wrong things we had done to deserve that. The time when my mom was in the hospital and the time she died,  we called him,  but he did not come.  I think he is ashamed to show us that he regrets all the things that happened.  Up to now,  it really hurts,  but I think that if God can forgive all my mistakes,  why can I not forgive my dad too,  and to start over again a good relationship.  I find a way to contact him and talk to him,  he always say that he is sorry for the things he had done to us.  When I give my self a chance to forgive and reconcile,  I found out later, it is worth it that I let go of things that can hinder me and my dad.  I know deep inside my heart that he loves us,  but he made the wrong choice,  that he regrets up to now.  Right now,  we have a good relationship,  we talked on the phone,  he has cancer on his bone,  I did not regret the decision to reconcile with him and forgive what is past,  and I also  love him,  no matter what happened good or bad,  he still is my dad,  he learns how to trust God in his life.

I hope you will find a way to let go and try to reconcile with your dad,  I know you are a nice and considerate person,  deep inside your heart,  you like to have dad that will be there for you,  give him a chance.  Things happened in life,  there is for a reason,  sometimes it make us a better person,  and stronger person.  If I did not experience to be abandon by my dad,  I can not even share with you,  how can I make it.  I learn to understand,  to forgive and to start over a new day,  to think positive,  to face problems with right perspective.  I know you can do it,  I hope someday you will a way to reconcile, and be happy for every moment .  Life is short,  be happy and make the right choice.  I hope I can help you with my experience.  Wish You a bright future ahead of you.

Answer 4

Nobody gets everything in life, you did not get father's love but must be a very good father yourself and i m sure you must be a strong man and bacuse of such a big loss of our life you understand relations very much! Am i right?

Life is very beautiful, don't waste your time in hatred or anger and leave the judgement on God!

Answer 5

Tell him about. Holler, scream, do whatever you have to do to get it out of your system. Give him a chance to explain himself. Then forgive him and move on. Because you're not helping anyone with your anger. It not affecting him, only you and your family. Forgive him and move on so you can be happy.

Answer 6

He didn't leave you he left your mom.  Unfortunately you were caused to suffer the consequences of the discord between the two of them.  I'm sure if you sat down with your father and spoke to him one on one you will hear the other side to everything.  

I'll briefly tell you why I say that . . . my brother and his first wife had a child together.  She would tell him constantly that the baby wasn't his when they would argue.  Argueing continued, statements continued, they divorced.  He tried to stay in touch with his daughter but she would send cards and letters back but removed the cash first.  When he called, she would give excuses why he couldn't talk to the child

When the child was older, the ex would call my brother and hand the phone to the child and would start prompting her on what to say such as . . .why did you leave my mommy?  why don't you ever call me?  

The ex caused so much grief and so much trouble that it was easier to not have anything to do with the child at this time with hopes that one day, he would have the opportunity to have her in his life, if she wanted it too.

I'm not saying that your mom caused problems, I'm just saying there are many reasons why parents leave.   talk to your dad, ask him the hard questions then decide if holding on to your anger is worth the effort.  If not, concentrate on your own family and give them plenty of love without the anger mixed in.

Good luck.