I have gaurdianship of my sister, I need to see how to relinquish my rights.?

Question

About 2 years ago my sister got taken away from my dad and her mom by dhs. They contacted me and told me to file for gaurdianship immediately or else they would put her in foster care that day so I did it. I was 21 at the time with 2 kids, well it's been 2 years and her behavioral issues are getting worse and it's severly affecting my family. I need to know who to call and what my options are as far as placing her in a home, putting her into states care, relinquishing my rights.

*I have made my decision, please do not criticise and tell me how horrible it is to "give her back" I am doing what is best for me and my family.

Thanks

Answer 1

Contact Family Services (Social Services) in your state, if they can't help you they can give you the direction you need.

It is not our place to judge.

You need to do with it right for you and your family, period.

You can also contact a family services lawyer, I am not sure if you will need one to relinquish your rights or not, but you can also try starting there. They should be able to give you the information at no charge to you.

Assure all your T's are Crossed and I's are dotted within your family structure. I would hate to see something happen to your children, I am sure they have been through enough.

Answer 2

You said, "I can't control her".  I think what she probably needs is SELF control, not someone else trying to control her.  If you're unable to not be controlling, then yes, she might do well in a treatment facility or therapeutic foster home for awhile.  I hope that you will remain open to receiving treatment yourself.  This is a difficult time for yourself and your family, and you all might benefit from talking to someone who isn't judgmental (i.e. a counselor or therapist).  I also hope that after you all receive the treatment you need, that you will consider re-opening your home to your sister.  Those who hurt us the most, tend to be the ones who need us the most, but are afraid to "need" anyone.  I think your sister needs you...but she is afraid of that need.

What better gift could you give your children, than to show them that a family can heal?  I hope things work out for your family.  Good luck!

Answer 3

I would contact DHS and tell them you can't handle her anymore.

Tell them you want to relinquish rights.

I'm sure they can help you!

Is it possible for her to back to her biological parents or to another family member?

Answer 4

This is a wind-up, right

Good one.  Nobody would really do that to their own sister.  Phew, I thought you were for real for a minute there

Answer 5

Come on people grow up. I have a sister that's a drunk and when she's on the rocks with my mom or fighting with a boyfriend she wants to come here and I have to hide all RX pills, alcohol and sleep with my keys. Meanwhile she stays on my phone and computer all night. If we tell her not to do something or force her to go to bed, she starts screaming and throwing a fit and wakes up my kids. Once she even came at me with a knife. Now that's my sister what do I do, enable her to act this way? Why not my parents have. She's been this way every since she was 15 . . . . she's 34 now. Imagine living with someone and loving them but come to a realization that they cannot be "fixed". That is hard enough. Then when it starts affecting my safety or the safety of my family. Thank you for being responsible enough to say that you can't give her the help she needs. You have every right to have your own happy and healthy family. This doesn't mean you don't want to ever see your sister again. It just means that the situation is out of your control. I would contact the dhs agent that placed her in your care and inform her about your situation. So what if they investigate your whole family it sounds like you are such a bad parent (*sarcasm*).

Answer 6

You're doing what's best for you and your family.  She's your sister.  She's your family, too.  You don't have to completely abandon her to get her help.  There is help available, including residential treatment,  which would mean she would receive treatment outside of your home, but you'd still be legal guardian.  Things will not get any better if you simply just let her go.

Answer 7

Bless you for doing what you can. Thats more than MOST would do. Don't get too down on yourself. You didn't ask for this. I wouldn't think it would have ANY indication as to how you parent. Have you talked with your sister and let her know this is what you are considering? What does she think?

Good luck, and stay strong for youself and your family.

Answer 8

I'm sure your sister feels great that even you want to give up on her. FAMILY IS FAMILY. So obviously you're not doing what's right for YOUR family because she's a part of it and is going to foster care. Do you know how many teenage girls get molested/raped by their foster dads? Do you realize that almost anyone can get that certification JUST so they can collect a paycheck for her? You need to quit being selfish and be there for your sister.

Answer 9

Okay rather than Giving her up to a horrible system of Foster homes, What I sincerely and strongly suggest is some RESPITE Care, for you and Some Evaluation for her.

Find out what is wrong with her so that she is acting out in this way. It is classical that adoptees act out when abandoned.

Your sister is probably missing her Mum very much.

And You are ONLY 23 years old that is VERY YOUNG To be looking after a 11yr old let alone a 11 yr old with abandonment issues

But PLEASE Rather than abandoning her again (in her eyes) get some respite care, get some assistance and some help

What better way to show your children how the world really should be...and what a strong person you are as well...

Good luck...But please take my advice and get some help rather than giving up on her x

Answer 10

call dhs.. but be sure your kids get straightened out before the come visit, since they may take more than your sister away...

Answer 11

I feel for you ... does your sister have a caseworker?  Where are your parents?  Do you have any brothers or sisters that can take her?

If the answer is no, than you'll need to go through an agency like Dept of Economic Security or Child Protective Services ... but see if you can't get her help ... I know the burden your under and your parents had no right to guilt you into this.  

I wish you the best!

Answer 12

You may call DHS and ask for their help. They may want to help you with services to preserve the placement but they may also help make arrangements.

You might also try to find someone else who is willing to take gaurdianship of her rather then putting her into the FC system.

***As an adoptive parent who is raising a child with sever special needs I KNOW where you are at...and want you to know that there is help for your family....  I also want to let you know that you did make a choice, to take her and it will hurt her to leave you....

but, you cann't be responsible for your fathers child at the risk of your own.

*** Also added: It is easy to *think* we might know what we would do if we had a situation like this...  I thought I did too... and frankly no one without a child who has serious behavioral issues can judge another parent with a child who does.

To me the VERY notion of "giving back" a child was Evil and Horrible... How dare they!?

5 years later and I can say that it has REQUIRED every level of intervention to help our daughter--and if we were not able to do the things we have there is no way we could have taken care of her brother.... I have had to ask for help I have had to tell the state that without help getting the school to offer the right program, or finding the right treatment or finding someone to babysit one Friday night (people do not babysit kids with real problems) I would have to give her back...

We have spent thousands of dollars on treatment....alarms and video cameras, locks on closets and cabinents, Automatic lights outside in case she wakes and wanders... When I make stake the kinves are found behind two locked doors... She has hurt her brother--my children can't be out of my sight a moment... I have to prove I can protect her brother, I have to prove it with vedio--with alarms... his safety is at risk.

If you have not parented a child with sever needs then don't judge this sister... Odds are her sibling is Drug or Alcohol Exposed and anyone who believes this is an easy job or that anything a parent or caregiver can do will fix it then please Do Not consider adopting a child like my daughter...  

We continue because we love her and can't imagine anyone else who would CARE as much as we do about her needs...

But if we did not have what it took or find ourselves unable to MEET her needs we will have to make a different plan...  

To the OP it is not always a matter of ALL or nothing and I am trusting that the Behaviors you are seeing are outside the bounds of normal... As a mother you know this best.... There may be interventions and the DHS may be able to help find what is required to help you and your sister.

Answer 13

I would just warn you that if you want them to take her away they may look at your other children and investigate your home and your parenting.

I really don't have anything to say about your decision except that it's very sad for your sister.

Answer 14

In all honesty I would sit her down and have a heart to heart talk with her about how her disrespect for you is affecting your other children. I would tell her what you have been thinking of doing and that even though its not what you want to do she has given you few other options, unless she really turns herself around in school and at home. Explain to her that you honestly feel like she has been dealt a poor hand and that you have tried, really tried but her behavior is not only not getting better but worse and as much as you want to help her your help does not seem to be working and that maybe someone more experienced would be better for her. You can point out that there is no guarantee what type home she will get, but there is definitely no reversing the situation once the papers are signed. I know it sounds like a lot for an 11 year old to grasp, but if you can make her understand then the choice will be hers. Ask her if she wants to stay? If she says yes then it is imperative that you receive different behavior from her. If she says no then you have done what you can.

Answer 15

Contact Social Services. They will assign your case to a social worker and take it from there.

Answer 16

Yeah... I raised my brother from the time he was 10 until he was 19... I'm two years older. Yes for some of that time we lived under our father's roof but the last 5 years were under MY roof. It was not easy, he was a reformed car thief with major issues but I loved him enough to ensure that he was seeing professionals for his issues and attending school.

If you can't handle your sister then look to other relatives for support. If you still can't hack it then find someone in your family who can.

Children shouldn't just be dumped. Period.

Answer 17

no one has a right to judge!!!

We had a child for 4 years through fostercare system, his parents had died and we loved him dearly.  However, no matter how hard we tried to help him, or how much we loved him his behaviours were destroying our family and damaging our own children!!! He ended up back in care and we grieved deeply. but over time we still know it was for the best.  We didn't have the professional help that social services could give him.

It's an extremely stressful time for you,  your priority is your own children first!

You will be experiencing guilt at what your own family are suffering, guilt at betraying your parents and guilt at letting down your sister!

You need to call the social services who dealt with you initially because they probably already have a file on the situation, so it makes things easier. and there is no legitimate reason for them to threaten you to investigate your own children! so don't be intimidated.

Be honest with them, ask to meet with a social worker, go alone and let them know everything.  They in turn would usually investigate further through the school etc.

Be honest and blunt,and even cry if you want to. tell them you are at the end.  Share the effect on your own family etc.

It's a start!

Stay strong, stay clear headed.

She needs professional help, and if she's ignored all your help knowing it would get her in care there isn't much you can do.  

Often the beginning step is social services will offer you advice and try to work with you to keep her with you.  You need to decide if you are willing to go further with their help or be ready to say you are past it!

Eventually and hopefully  One day when grown up she'll come round, and you can both be friends.

:)