I have just seen the most appalling behaviour?

Question

from my son, when hes played with the kids outside. hes nothing but a bully. twice in 30 mins he and his mate have reduced 2 kids to tears, and ive had 2 sets of parents at my front door. ive grounded him, taken away his playstation, and failing that ..i dont know what else to do..how do u deal with a bullying 7 year old, who is trying to assert himself, but whos response is...you dont tell them kids for being nasty, and runs off crying. help my kid is a bloody nightmare...im really cross with him for this !!

Answer 1

I am not a parent - so I'm not trying to assume I know anything here - just giving advice trying to think about what I would do.  Maybe you should take him to those parent's doors and make him apologize to the parents and to the kids, or make him write letters of apology.  Good for you for grounding him and taking away his playstation - that sounds like a really great step.  Also, reduce the time he is allowed to spend with his friend who seems to also be a bully.  If possible, talk to the friends' parents and let them know what's going on - they may not be receptive but if you can, I'd at least tell them what's happening.  If it continues, I would offer up his services to pick up trash and pick weeds for the whole block or something.

Answer 2

<pours you a gin>

Have no advice..just sympathy.

Answer 3

Bullying tends to be learned behavior. What kind of behavior is he seeing at home. I'm not accusing, I don't live in your house. But take a good objective look at the way you and your son's father relate to each other and to him. You might be surprised.

Answer 4

Keep him away from the other kids for now, and keep up with the consistent discipline.  In conjunction with the aforementioned, he may need counseling to learn social skills.  For most people, social skills are learned naturally.  For others, including many bullies, it doesn't come so naturally.  So keep disciplining him for bullying, and get him help if this is an ongoing problem.  Good luck.

Answer 5

Im no expert by any means but it sounds like he is trying ta assert himself as the dominant member of the group. You need to let him know that he isnt and you are the alpha male(or femal). You can do this by ignoring his demands and not giving him any attention at all when he doesnt deserve it and by giving him attention when he does. Above all though you need to be firm and stick to your punishment and make them harsh. Im not condoning beating him or anything but your punishments need to hit him where it hurts. Maybe have a chat with the other kids parents and see how they feel about their son showing similar behaviour. Maybe if you both tried similar methods of parenting at the same time they kids can copy of the positive behaviour that each is showing. Im sure you'll have heard the "but his mam got him one" line a thousand times, well this turns it on its head. If the other kid gets something becuase of good behaviour and your kid doesnt, you can use that as an example when he uses that old line. That way next time he says it you can tell him "yea, he did get one but thats for blah blah blah a reason.

Like I said Im not a parent so most of this is just general developmental psychology.

Hope this helps and good luck!

Answer 6

A lot of the success of some of those consequences depends on your attitude, and under what circumstance those punishments were carried out. There are tons of parenting books out there that may help. If you're really at a loss, and his bullying is developing into a bad character trait, it might not hurt to see a counselor, if only once or twice.

Failing that, contact Dr. Phil. ;)

Answer 7

talk to a child behavior specialist and see what they say, they want to meet him and talk to him and stuff. a 7 year old bully seems a little weird to me so that is why i suggest this.

Answer 8

maybe he needs someone to talk to about why he does these things. He could have a disorder beleve it or not. Try taking him to a counselor.

Answer 9

I had a similar prob with my daughter at that age.  Have you tried being outside while he's playing and catching him in the act?  It's easier to address when it's fresh in their mind and they know you won't tolerate it.  I did that, then made her apologize to each kid and then she received her punishment/grounding.  Hope it helps.  Good luck.

Answer 10

Wish i could wave a magic wand for you - you could try here as well, i've had some good advice here.

http://www.ukparentslounge.com/

Answer 11

Sounds as though you and your son need to talk. Find out what the problem is, you have the opportunity to send him in the right direction. Even though he needs discipline he needs your love and understanding too. I would say you've probably used appropriate discipline, his running off crying does not mean that you need to apply more, it probably means it is starting to work. When the time is right talk to him, explain what he should do, and what he shouldn't do, that's a major part of sorting the problem out. Remember to let him have his say. The problem might not disappear overnight but keep calm and persist in helping him and the situation will get better. Be careful not to go over the top, or he will too. If parents come to you, tell them that you are doing your best with him, don't let their annoyance push you over the edge, you will need all the Patience you can get. Good luck.

Answer 12

Dont let him out at all? ntill he is old enough and responsible enough to play nicely. maybe missing his freedon after a while will shunt him into this? thats what id do anyway, my kids arent that old yet so is just an idea!

Answer 13

hi, i think grounding him and taking away his playstation is sufficient punishment, but stick to it and he will soon realise once hes been without it for long enough. dont give in to him,

i know its tempting.

we as parents dont need books to ecducate us we have natural instincts to deal with this, when god made adam and eve he didnt say" oh and by the way if you decide to have any children then have this manual to read did he?"

Answer 14

That is a hard one. I try not to get involved with my childrens arguements but now and then when they use that one on me i always say i'm not there mother I'm yours and i won't you to treat others the way you would like to be treated

Answer 15

Sit him down and talk to him about his behavior, ask him why he does these things.. then tell him what you expect of him.  Do it all in a calm manner and do not make him feel as if you are attacking him.  Tell him in advance what his punishment will be if you find him acting this way again and that the best way to deal with nasty kids is to walk away or ignore them..  Be patient and let him know what is expected of him... god bless