I have kind of a little romance story to tell and a question?

Question

When I was 15 and 16, I was madly in love with this guy. You could say our families didn't like each other, and we ran away together for months and months at a time. In some ways, he was my first husband.

I'm married now to someone else, and we have 3 kids.

(I guess the real reason my ex is my ex is because he finally gave up on me, when I tried to do right by my family) he stopped trying to be a part of my life. And then when we became adults, we just didn't hear anything from one another and both moved on- marrying different people, and having kids)

But every now and then, usually in the Fall, I would think about my ex, and sometimes I would feel so strongly that I may even still love him...and there were so many unanswered questions.

It got to such a point that I actually contacted him, because I was tired of wondering. I actually talked to him!

Once I felt peace about it, and I felt closure had taken place, I found out that he didn't want there to be an "end" or a "goodbye" and I tried explaining that if things were different, but they aren't...and what is healthiest (because of our different paths) obviously would be to just say goodbye and know that , yes we shared something special, but it wasn't possible to keep just being friends...for special reasons in addition to tempation.

He got very upset. He wrote me a hateful email. I wrote him a hateful email. My husband (who I have kept in the loop as much as I dare to) doesn't want me to ever contact him again, and I know that's what is best.

So, here I sit- just feeling like a boob for ever looking him up. Maybe continuing to wonder about him would have been better than this?

His fiance even called me, probably to cuss me out- but she just hung up instead.

Answer 1

wow...i say stick with ur husband and ur 3 kids. they are the ones that really love u! : )

Answer 2

forget about him. you already have a family, don't destroy that with all those "shoulda, woulda, coulda" thoughts of yours. its already done with, so move on, he didn't love you enough to stick with you before and you can bet he's still the same. he let you go, tough luck, he should deal with it. now is no good, its all too late. you're happy now and that's all that matters.

thinking of what would happen if you get back together? your family would hate you, your kids would hate you, for being so selfish. your ex would go out the door running the first time he encounters something wrong. cos thats how he was and thats how he will be. consider his fiance, he's like cheating on her already by asking you back. what does that say about his character? he's a cheat, he's a home-wrecker, and he just wants a feel of what used to be.

stay with your family, don't ruin what's already great with something that you're not even sure of. you won't regret it.

Answer 3

This is a really cute story. But it's sad when families can't get along with each other and it involves the young ones that love each other. Maybe you should've gone with your gut feeling about this man? If you loved him, and almost married him, but yet didn't, you'll always feel special about him. You'll wonder what he's doing...you'll wonder if he ever thinks about you and he probably still does! It was love...and it was your first love. But be faithful the the husband that you have now. You have 3 children that you have been blessed with. Don't bring that hardship in their life if you decide to wander off into your ex's life again. It'll hurt them very much. Divorce is most common nowadays and it's terrible. You've made a commitment to the one you said "I Do" to. It seems like a lovers quarrel.

Answer 4

if you love and respect your family then take your husband's advise..never contact him anymore..and move on with your life and be happy and contented to what you have now..

Answer 5

At least you're aware that contacting him wasn't the best. Now you'll be able to give someone else advice if their thinking of doing the same thing. Now its time to focus on your husband who loves you and is committed to you and your children.  

Answer 6

I’d say you’re being too hard on yourself. You had some unanswered questions and whatever happened has put the past to rest - although not quite with the fairytale ending you’d have liked.



You had an affair when you were very young. Some romanticized memories remained about the “first husband”. Meanwhile with (real) husband and children you have grown, developed and literally become a new person. In revisiting, you found a difference in what you were and what you are now.

Perhaps he found it a little difficult to let go, hence the exchange of hateful emails. On the bright side, that’s put paid to any ‘continuity’ that might’ve become awkward.

You “feel like a boob” perhaps because your expectations were too hight or your ego’s a little bruised! But now you can get on with your own life and appreciate your family far more than you'd have if you’d continued to ‘wonder about him’.

Answer 7

i totally understand where your coming from, i rarely take time out to read long stories like this but I'm going thru this RIGHT NOW, I'm the one who thinks that we should burn this bridge because in some way we both feel like we cant imagine not ever talking to each other again. i just told him 2 nights ago that we should not be friends anymore because all he does is talk about how much he wants to be with me again and take care of me, but he hung up the phone before i could even finish my sentence which is a regular for him, i give it 2 weeks before he calls back again and make attempts for us to be 1 again!  

Answer 8

Bless your heart.  I can really empathize to a certain degree.

I'm  trying to understand your question.   And, if you're asking for opinions -

my suggestion is don't ask for people's opinions because what matters most is that God loves you.  Your husband and children love you.  And, now (it sounds to me) like you may be feeling mad at yourself for ever having talked to the old boyfriend from your childhood (I mean, we really were still children in our adolescent years. )  Now, in my little effort here to help you feel better about yourself and your spouse of all these years.  Have you ever heard of "Marriage Enrichment Seminars"  ?   I've heard nothing but good about such weekends just for married couples.  Sounds like you and your husband may could benefit from a kind of objective guidance towards rekindling the spark of love and desire that surely was a big part of you two conceiving and nuturing your three precious children so far.  (and   Call it an intuitive thought or just a guess; just try, please, to tell your husband about all of his characteristics that you love the most about him.  Sounds like there needs to be some forgiveness asked for and granted.  (That's why I sure mentioned God; since He's all about Love and Forgiveness, Grace and Mercy.)  Here's hoping that you and your husband's love can and will grow on and on, stronger and stronger day-by-day.  Maybe it's like we say in one of the 12 Step groups I'm a member of, "willingness is the key".