I have low-self esteem, help?

Question

I just don't like anything about myself. I had long hair and got it cut off right up to my shoulders. I feel like my skin is bad due to past acne. And I feel over weight. I try to talk with my mom, and she tells me it's fine and I'm cute , etc. I had depression when I was around 12 or 13. The Dr. put me on meds. which made me over weight. I'm 17 now and feel sad about my self a lot. I won't watch certain movies because it makes me feel non-attractive about myself, because of the pretty girls in it. I've never had a boyfriend, and I'm going into my junior year. So that makes me feel like something is wrong with me. With my hair the way it is, I don't feel feminine at all.

Any helpful suggestions?

Answer 1

I've modified the following a little, for you: Regularly monitor your internal monologue (self talk): write down the negative ones: "I'm pretty ugly" and then the converse: "I'm fairly good looking", and next time you become aware that you are thinking the former, visualise, as vividly as possible, a big "STOP!!!" sign, and deliberately repeat 5 times, either aloud, in a big voice, if alone, or subvocally (to yourself, in your mind), the converse affirmation. Habits take about 30 - 40 repetitions to become established, with most people.        

           Cease comparing yourself unfavorably with others, using the STOP sign: "I am a unique individual, with potential, and my own set of skills". Keep your head up, and look people in the eye, or on the bridge of their nose. See self esteem/confidence, in section 38, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris [ EXAMINE CLOSELY SECTIONS 13, 9, & 56] and consider volunteering, even from home, at first. It will also provide a solid basis in reality for the daily affirmations: "I am a good person, who is valued by my community, because I ..(insert activity here).." Section 47 also refers. On volunteering outside the home, you will come into contact with supportive people, and receive positive feedback for your efforts, which will be obviously appreciated: there are many options; one is sure to suit you. Practise one of the relaxation methods on pages 2, 11, 2c, or 2i, daily, and when needed. Also, give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you.        

           Section 53, and pages 2, 2.q and 2.o at ezy-build also refer. "Even though I sometimes have low self esteem/confidence, I deeply and completely accept myself". ~~~ Read: "Lift your mood now." by John D Preston, Psy.D. 2001, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 5674 Shattuck Avenue, Oakland. CA 94609 http://www.amazon.com/ may be worth trying for this, as it has a good section on building self esteem, using a different approach.        

          

1. Build up your self-esteem. You must take an inventory. What do you want to improve or change about the way you interact with others? Try to make only one change at a time. Always check you progress before making another change.

2. Celebrate your journey, not your destination. Learn to always feel good about where you are now, and to exude self-confidence about anywhere you might find yourself tomorrow.

3. Set clear goals for yourself before every interaction. Know what you want. Think about how the people you will be meeting can help you reach those goals. Then decide how to approach each person accordingly. Apply this regularly and you will notice a difference.

4. Be proactive. Take the initiative. Be decisive. Let the other person know exactly how he or she can help you. Proactive people tend to be more successful in their career.

5. Treat each person you meet as if she or he is truly important. (You'll be amazed how this works.)

6. Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Your handshake should be just right. Not too firm and not too loose. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person.

7. Listen! Listen! Listen! Teach yourself to develop good listening skills. Learn a way to remember the other person's name. If in doubt simply ask for the name again 2 or 3 sentences into the conversation.  

8. Visibly respond to the other person. Smile, nod agreement, and address him or her by name. Apply all you listening skills to visibly respond. The body language is the most important part of a conversation. Practice, practice, practice…

9. Pay more attention to the other person than to yourself. Are you responding to what may be going on in his or her life? Don't filter out bad news. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Be caring.

10. Stay "in the moment." Don't mentally cut off the other person. Don't reload while he or she is speaking. What this means is that you need to focus on the other person 100% during a conversation. Anything less is considered rude. ~~~ Here is an exercise that can help you. It is called "Act as If." When you are in a social situation, act as if you are confident, and outgoing. Talk more, smile at everyone, ask questions, speak in a normal or excited tone, not a meek tone. Watch some of your outgoing peers, and imitate the style of their social behavior.

Research shows that when you "act as if" continually, your image of yourself begins to conform to your new behavior. In this case, you will gain self-esteem and self-confidence. You will become more socially successful, and this will motivate you to continue your new social behavior until it becomes a habit.        

The first step in becoming more confident is to accept and like yourself. You should make a list of all your positive traits and strengths on a piece of paper or in your diary. By doing this, you are reminding yourself that you too have praise-worthy qualities like others. You will like yourself and feel confident about yourself after this.

Answer 2

Well from the sound of your description your entering puberty. don't worry,those things will pass.Its one thing to not like your appearance, but its another thing to not to like yourself. Yeah, so maybe you have those physical conflicts with yourself.

But according to psychiatry, there is what we call Man's defense Mechanisms. I need not to elaborate there, but i'm going to focus on the so-called COMPENSATION defense mechanism.

This means that a person compensates of what he or she thinks is inferior to herself. An example is a girl who has a hunchback in junior high. She may look weird, but she compensates by getting A's in all subjects.

Okay, maybe straight A's is hard, but compensation goes a long way, not only academically but also other aspects in school, at home or in the community. Depending on what's your specialty. I know you have something that other are not good at.

In terms of boyfriends, a boy who goes out with you only because you're pretty or attractive is not worth a lover.I our hard times now, what people are looking for are those that would love you and really care for you for who you really are...Not only physically. You're 17 right? Don't worry your Guy will come in time.

Wait until you're older, if physically you have problems, time will heal that when you're a woman.Hehehe...

Hope I helped

Answer 3

see your doctor again and tell him that the medication is not working

Answer 4

Don't believe your looks are the most important thing about you.Find the beauty of God in your heart through prayer .Then you will be at peace.

Answer 5

every person is beautiful in there own way just dont kill yourself

Answer 6

i kinda think im fat too. i have acne too.i have shorter hair too, but i hate it and im getting more layers. but i agree with the first girl, get a makeover. wear makeup if you dont already and if you do, change the routine. wear cuter clothes. maybe get an actual stylish hair if you dont like it. trust me, im sure this will work. when i put on makeup, i feel a whole lot prettier.

Answer 7

Get a makeover. No seriously it will help wit your self esteem. =]

Answer 8

you probably feel that your mom's comment was said just because she's your mom.  at your age of 17, your social life is extremely important and you want to fit in.  the first thing you need to do is stop the sour opinion of yourself.  you mentioned that you're a hs junior but never had a boyfriend...lots of girls and boys don't have special interest at your age.  don't count yourself out.  you also mentioned that you don't watch movies because of the pretty girls in them.  have you see their pictures BEFORE all of the make up and primping? imagine that, and know this...those girls aren't any better than you.  look at yourself in a full length mirror and find qualities about yourself that are positive. find one each day until you feel better. when you feel good about yourself, your outlook changes. your mood will be better.  girl, look at those magazines and movies to get tips on what the current colors and fashions are.  you don't have to be a bone rack to look good; i'm a big girl (also short), and i love me.  you have to develop a love for yourself.  get your hair done, get some body spray in scents you like....start being good to yourself before you expect someone to be good to you.  you just might be asking that fella out on a date instead of waiting to be asked. you'll find your confidence....and don't ever lose it again.

Answer 9

cause i had low self esteem and i havent had a boyfriend either..and im going to my sophmore year..

i thought there was something wrong with me too but i just thought.."if i dont like myself..probably other people wouldnt like me either.." so i tried to like my self better and tried to look for the better things about me..and i try to look at the positive, since i have never had a boyfriend i thought that i didnt need one so i became more independent..just be happy with your self and try to be more confident..the most important thing is to love yourself. it doesnt matter what everyone else says..because you should think of yourself as beautiful no matter what and guys love confidence so if youre more confident that would help you find a boyfriend

Answer 10

:(

Answer 11

love who you are, its all you'll ever be. you dont need a man to complete you, the right one will come along (you want one who enjoys you for who you are and respects you anyways). if your unhappy with your body, join a gym/pilates group or something, or buy exercise dvd's. nothing will make you feel sexier than working out. try to compliment yourself everyday (might be hard at first but keep at it and you'll see results--also, eating healthier may make a difference, check out the healing foods enchyclopedia by murray, available for $20 at most book stores). nothing is wrong with your hair, its just hair, it grows back. find a hobby that you really enjoy, focus on getting a high GPA or set a goal of novels or something that you want to read in a month, little achievements will build your stamina and make you proud of your acomplishments. improve yourself by setting goals and writing out a plan. everyone is worth while, never cut yourself down. build up your assets and help yourself meet your own standards. hope this helps.

also, rememebr, makeovers are nice, but you dont NEED make-up or this or that or anything else to make you beautiful. if the end of the world were announced tommorrow or something, no one would care about make-up anyway. all that matters is who you are and what enriches your life, focus on experiences and personality, not material vanity.

and another thing, confidence is key, try to be confident in what you do. try to volunteer for something you believe in, maybe at an animal shelter or something, find a purpose and a meaninf for your time and efforts, it will pay off and others will notice

Answer 12

I don't think anythings wrong with you. Some people don't date until their older. I also, have sort of the same issue as you, although I don't think I was ever depressed, but as for low-self esteem, I know what it's like. So, as I said earlier I really don't think anythings wrong with you.

Answer 13

when i was little i had low self  esteem too. I was the only black person in my neighborhood and the kids made fun of me alot so my mom posted pictures of africal princessess in my room .. they looked just like me so it made it all better... fill your life with pretty things and it will make you feel better. hang around positive ppl