I have no clue how to expose this?

Question

I'm 19, growing up things were hard with my father. No matter how bad it got mom refused to divorce. But the last 4 or 5 years has calmed down a lot with him. He still has violent tendencies but not as bad. But the past month I've been smelling pot outside my room, I have a window ac unit and drew the smell in. I know it wasn't my neighbors, I live in a very strict conservative subdivision. I had a gut feeling it was my father, and yep. He came back inside from the deck way and stopped at my door; eyes glazed over, talking like an idiot and wrecked of the smell. I was so appaled. That night things got pretty bad with him and mother. THe thing is, I didn't tell her, because as how clueless she acts to his antics I think she knows. So lately it's been getting worse and I heard him on his cell yesterday talking about going to the doctor and getting his RX and he'd be right over and trade off. I'm not an idiot, I know what's going on...I walked right by him at that point and he looked like he was going to fall over. He didn't know I had came home. So know he knows I know, and things are really tense here. What exactly should I do, should I just tell mother everything I know or what. This is killing me, I couldn't tell anyone else on the outside of our home, he's a very well known person and no one would believe it.

Answer 1

Talk to your mom about it

Answer 2

You tell your mom and then you stay out of it.  

Answer 3

this must be very difficult and hard for you... it hurts even more when your mom pretends everything's  f i n e... If you really want to help your dad I'd say talk to both of them when he's not high that is, maybe you can talk to a counselor as well  

Answer 4

Definitely talk with your mother.  The two of you need to discuss the seriousness of this issue.  There is something I'm not sure if you realize:  You apparently live in the same home, and you are also an adult.  If this issue is ignored, and for whatever reason police show up with a search warrant, you will be included in that search, and you probably wouldn't like that...Chances are, at some point, if his behavior is getting truly bizarre, and he's making cell phone calls that are suspicious, it may just be a matter of time.  Don't make the assumption it would never happen.

Check the phone book for substance abuse clinics in your area.  Realize he needs to want help, you can't want it for him.  If you can't resolve this by assisting your Dad in getting the help he needs through a substance abuse clinic or Narcotics Anonymous, you may want to consider other housing options for yourself.

Answer 5

wow even at 19 that's a tuff situation, and I'm even torn on how to answer you,  if you tell your mother what do you think will happen?

a> she ignores you pretending she doesn't nothing or know even though like you say she glazes it over to keep peace.

b> you don't tell and nothing changes....

C.> you confront your father and ask him whats up, and endanger his wraith....

D.> you could inquire to your mother " I smell pot"... and get her to investigate, maybe catching dad in act, but I don't think that will help you either.....

e> get others involved and that can get messy too, cause like you said a prominente man and your just a kid... kids hardly ever win...

maybe you could get your father some help in another way, don't know if your christian, but the power of prayer is mighty powerful, so maybe try talking to Jesus, Ask him for help for your dad, and your family, and to you I say get involved in a church group, one that is caring, and bible based, they can help you most I would say, and give you the support you so sadly need... and with out involvement with the law, courts, jails, hard feelings, etc....  

I wish you all the best blessings that God can give .... hang in there and be right and do your best....follow your heart that you know whats best .....  

Answer 6

You didn't say what you're situation was, which leaves me at a dead end for specific advice or a good answer. The best way for you to deal with the issue is to not deal with the issue. If it bothers you make a decision; move out and start your own life or move out and start your own life. Telling your Mom about his antics could only lead to a bad moment with her or cause more irritation in her life. Your Dad is a jerk, he probably needs help but with the dis-function between him and your Mom they are both in denial and you can't do much with that. You could try an innocent conversation with your Mom to see if she is happy in her marriage just to hear what she comes back with, but don't expect a miracle. Did I mention you should move out and start your own life?