I have no friends, i'm very insecure, and I hardly speak. Please help me!

Question

I am so insecure and have zero confidence. I'm also so shy and quiet. This is only some of the time though. When i'm feeling comfortable around people I love like my family or my really good friends, i'm the complete opposite.:outgoing, loud, confident (although i'm still always very insecure)

I'm insecure in the way that if anyone says anything or makes a joke i'll think they're laughing at me or for example, if my best friend goes out with another friend and doesn't invite me, i'll think she hates me.

I used to have a lot of friends. Then I moved school and something happened and now I have none. I became a different person. Boring. Hardly talked. Someone in the background; never in the center of things.You probably get the point.

Basically I have a hard time making friends. It takes me so long to make friends. I feel really socially awkard so I kind of just avoid it. I want to make friends and I become more outgoing and talkative. I'm a loser with no friends. I get no invites.It makes me sad hearing about all of the things they (the people in my class) did at the weekend and that they didn't invite me. I think people think i'm weird because they know everyone else and they don't know me because i'm so quiet and don't let anyone in.

I've realised I need to do something about it. I need to change. I want friends. I want to have fun and BE fun to be with.

Please help me I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

i think u r insecure and possessive da u have to know ur friends need there personal time to. u they get to know about ur insecurity i think u ill lose them ......... they do not hate u if they do invite u !ok stop thinking u r a loser think they are because they r not ur friends. try to mingle u ill definetly make new friends!

Answer 2

Everything you've said sounds like what I go through. I've realized it's the fear of strangers that keeps me from meeting people, because like you, I am totally comfortable and outgoing around friends and family, but around new people, I become like a stone. You have to understand that people are not judging you. They probably do not invite you and such because they don't know you and neither of you have taken the time to get to know one another. Some people are naturally more sympathetic towards strangers, especially if they see they have no friends, but the majority of people prefer to keep within safe bounds. It makes sense.

What you have to do—and if you're anything like me, this is gonna sound hard—is just go for it. Slowly. Find an outgoing person that's non-intimidating and just talk to them, about anything. At whatever time you feel comfortable. They'll probably appreciate the conversation, too. And keep striking conversations with them from time to time. That's how I've met people in the past who are my friends now.

Remember, no one thinks you're weird, and you have no reason to feel insecure. Good luck.

Answer 3

If you are in your early teens, this will pass. We all go through growing pains, but it works itself out. If you are older, than teens, good luck. You can't experience life if you don't live it. Remember, no one can read your mind, so get gutsy, and try standing up for what you want. Mingle, they won't bite, and if you take a mis step, laugh it off and go on.

Answer 4

Don't worry. It's all in your head...really. Your self-talk isn't helping though, don't tell yourself you're insecure, instead keep reminding yourself that you are capable of being outgoing for it's not physically impossible after all you do it around those you're are close with. If you don't feel comfortable approaching one person and talking put yourself in a position where people will naturally try to get to know you like a sports team or some other group oriented activity. Making friends is fun...make a game out of it...not a social test. = )

Answer 5

A couple of things you need to know !

1.)  There is nothing so UNattractive as an insecure person and whose insecurities are showing.  I suggest you fake it till you make it.  Act just like the most secure person you know acts.  As we practice, we become that.  It is hard to change schools, but it is not the end of the world.  Speak to people, but don't act like it is the end of the world for you if they don't accept you.   Just walk with confidence and shoulders back.  Never let 'em see you sweat!  Be someone they need to know.  Not someone who is waiting for them to give you a crumb.

2.) Join activities where people with the same interest you have will be involved.  The science club.  The music courses, band or choral.  The young Democrats or Republicans.   A really active church that has a large student poputlation and that does fun stuff.  Our church takes the kids skiing every winter and to the beach every summer.  Don't just wait for something to fall into your lap.  Reach out.

Answer 6

Where you were before was familiar, you knew people, they knew you, and so things were more or less fine. Here in contrast, it’s all unknown and obviously strange, you don’t like it. The change forced on you is scary, unpleasant and stressful.

You feel like an uprooted plant. You’re unable to cope, so you feel frustrated. And hence, the insecurity/self-doubt within increases. Don’t beat yourself up over it – it happens to everybody. Remember the uprooted plant doesn’t wither away,  it only droops for a while. Once it anchors well, wherever it is, it survives and flourishes.

Explore your surroundings instead. Insecurity/self-doubt results from a lack of knowledge and understanding. Use your energies to get new learning of the place, the people, the culture, etc. You need to work a bit harder to change ‘strange’ to ‘familiar’ in the school and among your new peers.

Be interested in what's happening around you. It’ll help you adapt to the environment, and deal with your feelings of uncertainty. You too can then flourish and regain/generate the fun you think you’ve lost. The invites just might follow.