I have no patience..?

Question

my husband works a lot. so im usually home by myself until late night with a newborn and a 2 yo. i feel like i am going crazy, i have no patience. especially with my 2 yo. i feel like just locking myself in my room.. especially now i cant focus all my attention on my toddler, he constantly screams and crys all day. hes even started to throw tantrums, he wont listen to me. he threw his drink on the floor today. he doesnt even listen to me.. on top of that im breastfeeding my newborn who needs to be constantly held too. i dont know wht to do. i feel like a crazy woman... :o( on top of that i have to cook and clean and im here all day by myself. i know a lot of women do this but a lot of my friends have toddlers that do not act at all like mine either! i love my kids but i dont know what to do anymore.

Answer 1

Went through it twice. This is our doctors explanation for the terrible twos and threes (yes it is still awful in the threes!) : This is the time they start understanding that they are separate human beings from you. That they can manipulate situations and act *on their own.*

This is the age of tests. They want to know,"What can I get away with? Who am I? What will Mom and Dad do if I do this?"

The main thing is, this is the age you have to become the bad guy sometimes. You have to consistently show consequence for bad and good behavior. It will make your life easier to start this right now, this second. He'll start getting better within a week with whatever form of discipline you choose (time outs-even if you have to hold him kicking and screaming in time out- and taking away valuable things he cherishes).

Next, you do need a break. Do you have a car? Visit family and friends during the day or join Mommy and Me classes. Get a YMCA membership and swim or workout , take yoga, whatever and leave the kiddos in the daycare for an hour. Just anything to get your identity back.

Answer 2

That's why they're called the terrible twos.  He's testing you to see how far he can get.  Take them out and have him tire out.  Play with him instead of letting him play by himself.  Take him to the playground.  When he screams, take him home and put him in his playpen with you in the room.  Act like it isn't bothersome (put your iPod on low if it gets too intense).  He wants you to react and he wants you to lose your cool.  

Answer 3

honey you need a break....talk with some friends, or your parents, maybe someone at church, you need to get out of the house by yourself for an hour a day for a few days, take a walk, take a nap, anywhere, or anything without the kids....have someone babysit, just so you can get out....

Answer 4

Perhaps you should pay a visit to your doctor.  You sound like you may have post partum depression.

Answer 5

Don't worry, I have a newborn, a 2 year old and a 5 year old. I am only 23. I am very overwhelmed. But you just need to have a strict schedule. It is the only way to keep your 2 year old in line, don't ever give in, have rules and stick to them. I found it is the only way to get by! Also, ignore all the things he does to bug you, don't let the little things bother you, just keep behind him and teach him that he has to follow rules.  

Answer 6

oh hunny i am so sorry to hear what your going through but i went through the same thing last year with my new born and 2 yr old. what will help you is asking your 2 yr old to help you with the baby whether its getting a diaper or lil things like that make sure to praise him for all his good work and try not to chastise him for any misbehavior instead put him/her in the corner and tell him that when he is ready to stop crying an listen then he can come out until then he sits in the corner. I know you want to hold your new born all the time but your going to have to put him down whether in his crib or on the floor for a few minutes just to give yourself a break.  i know you feel the need to clean constantly but don't when you get a chance to then do it other wise when hubby gets home he can clean. eventually you will get into a routine and get used to the routine. another thing be constant with your 2 yr old if he is supposed to be in one spot for time out but gets out put him right back there yes he will scream and cry but let him he will learn. after time out give hugs and explain why he was put in timeout. good luck and congrats ont eh new baby

Answer 7

I'm sorry... I can tell just by your writing how frustrated you are.  It's easy to become overwhelmed in a situation like this, but you have to remember that your little boy is still soo young, and he's adjusting to the new baby.  It's natural for him to act out like he is.  If you feel like he is not listening, try not to take it personally.  He's not trying to upset you, but more than likely, dealing with a LOT of emotions of his own.  Just imagine being so little and having to adjust from being the only one who received your attention to having to give up that position to a baby that no doubt requires so much more of your time and energy;.  He's probably feeling lonely and jealous... and remember, kids can always sense tension and react to it, as well.

My only suggestion would be to plan activities that get you out of the house.  I know my days seem to go by so much more quickly and easily when I have activities planned for my eldest daughter.  See if your local library has a free program for toddlers.  Ours does, and it is awesome.  They read books and do some sort of craft twice a week.  You get to sit back and watch someone else entertain your child for a bit.  It's very refreshing.  I know it can be hard to get out with an infant, but it's easier now when they're really young than it will be when he / she is a little older.  Plus, some fresh air will work wonders for you, too.  Can you go to a local park and let him run around and expend some energy?  What about other morms?  When I became involved in some local playgroups, I not only got a break by having my daughter run around and interact with other kids, but I made some great friends and it was AWESOME to be able to just sit, chat, and compare notes.  

Hang in there.  Also, make sure to give yourself a break at times.  When your husband gets home, go do something for yourself, by yourself.  I LOVE going to Barnes and Noble, getting a coffee, and reading for a little while at night.  You'd be surprised how far a little time by yourself can go.

Good luck to you.  And please, if you ever get to the point where you know you have absolutely no patience and you can't handle the kids, ask for help.  

I hope you get some peace and quiet soon!

:)