I have one child, one in the oven and...?

Question

i'm thinking about adopting but i don't think my husband would go 4 that!!! helppppp i am soooooo scared 2 tell him about my decision!! plz help, no bad comments plz!

Answer 1

Before we had our daughter my husband was in no way for us adopting. After my near death experience giving birth we were told not more natural children.

My husband felt a  love for her like no other and wanted another and he actually brought it back up to me. Sogive him some time and credit. Is it about adoption or about another baby? I have 2 children and don't lan on any more.

Answer 2

adoption is a great thing!! it helps give children that could have been brought up into a bad place or at a bad time to get a better life with parents that will ove and raise like there own!! and it gives couples whom cant concieve have the opportuinity to have a baby of there own and have a family!!!!

Answer 3

You need to be honest and open with your husband.  I want to be a foster parent again,  I know my husband is not into doing that right now.  He thinks it is too confusing for our kids.  3 and 7.  I agree.  But he knows it is something I want to do.  You know it is up to both of you. You just need to get the courage up and sit down and talk to him.  You never know,  he might agree.  Good luck.

Answer 4

if your husband doesn't want to adopt then don't do it.. My mother wanted to adopt once but my dad didn't like the idea. I have 4 siblings including me that makes 5 of us. All my dad said to my mom "if you want to adopt a headache why not just make one"

Answer 5

I would make a list of pros and cons then share them with him.You are truly a great person to make that decision.:)I hope it goes well,good luck to you:)

Answer 6

adopting is not something you can do in a week or two.There are a lot of forms to fill out and criminal and FBI checks to go through etc. If your husband is not for it, then you certainly won't get to do it unless he is out of the picture. I would take some time and explain to him why you would like to adopt and let him think on it. If you have one child and one on the way, it might be best to wait a bit before bringing it up so he will not feel overwhelmed. Good luck

Answer 7

I think it's interesting that you see it as a decision that you've already "made" and not something that you see as needing to be worked out together. Perhaps it's just in the words you chose but, it does sound like you really have decided and now you're not sure how to let your husband in on your decision. I think of adoption as in the same category as having a baby, in that ideally it should certainly be decided upon by both parents before it is done. I also have no idea what it is that you assume your husband is going to have objections to -- the idea of a third child or the idea of adopting a child. I also wonder what your own motivation is and how strongly you feel about it. I am an absolute baby lover and if it were completely up to me I would hire two or three other people and run a full time "home" for babies but, it doesn't work that way. There are many reasons that people adopt children but there is no question that the primary one is that they can not have children biologically. I assume that that is not the case for you now. I actually think there are things to seriously think about if your motivation is to provide a good life for this otherwise potentially homeless child. Clearly that is a wonderful motivation and I am not at all trying to down play its importance or your reasons if they idclude that. But, I really do feel strongly that there is a danger in adopting children for that reason. The child will become part of your family and be one of your children. The fact that you "rescued" them will fade quickly and it should fade quickly because otherwise they will have a different piece of baggage to live with as a member of your family. You can not tell yourself, as the child is growing up, well at least he's not starving on the streets. What I mean is that the fact that you have "saved" him from whatever his circumstances might have been will become irrelevant once he is in your family. Therefore your motivation for adopting him needs to be more than to save him because you need to let that reason fade and you need to be left with something else to take its place. I hope I'm making myself understood and I hope I'm not raining on your parade because I don't mean to. I have a biological daughter and 2 children who were adopted. People often tell me how lucky my son is that he has us as parents and I am quick to point out and absolutely know that it is we who are lucky and not him. He is our son and we are lucky to have him. We were unable to have any more biological children and adopted him at birth. Our other child was adopted for very different reasons and with very different circumstances. To make a long story short -- she needed us and we were very willing. She came to us at 9 years old. We are very happy to be able to provide a home and a family for her. That said, it is not as easy to see her as a member of the family. I feel very much like I NEED my other two children and I feel like this child needs us. I know I've answered your question with perhaps lots of irrelevant and unrequested information but, I hope in someway it is helpful. Good luck with your pregnancy and I hope it all works out well for you!!

Answer 8

Do you plan on adopting right away? It's a long process, so why don't you bring it up to your husband and hear his thoughts. It could take up to a year (or longer) to actually adopt the child, with all the paper work and orders. So maybe after your next child is born you can start thinking about it more realistically. Of course, after all your postpartum emotions have leveled! Good luck!

Answer 9

If your married this is a decision you need to decided together. Not one for you to just make by yourself. What I would do is go to your husband and tell him that you have thought for awhile now that you would like him and you to adopt a child. You can tell him the reasons you want to adopt and how you feel it will benefit your family. With a bun in the oven already its not something you all have to decided ASAP. How soon would you want to start your adoption process?  It could take a few years to even get a child, then again it could take less it just really depends.  With a new baby on the way and not sure how old your other child is. You might seriously want to consider not starting anything in till your unborn child is at least 9months to 1 year.