I have paranoid parents?

Question

i don't know how to prove myself. I've done everything they asked, but I don't know what more they want.

Answer 1

Our situations are different but I can relate to you a lot.  I'm 16 too and I consider myself very ambitious.

After years of stress over my controlling parents, the only comfort I was able to get is in two years I'll be gone and they wont be able to do a d**n thing about it.  I'm sure once you continue to prove that you're on the right track they'll give you a little more freedom.

The other solution is more radical and may or may not work- I don't know you or your parents.

You could just completely rebel against them and do what you like.  Your 16, and from your question you sound like you have a good, stable head on your shoulders.  You could tell them that you respect their opinions but are going to do what you as a mature individual deem to be safe.  They're going to hate it but if you can show them that you can do what you want without getting into trouble or messing yourself up, there's a chance they'll get off your back.

You probably don't like that idea though.  Just take comfort in knowing that you'll be gone in two years.

Answer 2

That's the definition of a parent. TO be on your back until you break! lol.  There's nothing you CAN do. Just have to live with it. Be whoever and whatever you'd like to be. Ignore what they say. In the end, it's your life. Then being suspicious has no real justification on you in the end. :)

Answer 3

haha. mine or exactly the same! and im 16. im still looking for a cure for their paranoia.  

Answer 4

Maybe make a standing offer to take a drug test or virginity test if they suspect anything. Find a credible website with statistics that show how few teenager drink, do drugs, and have s*x. Maybe write up a contract citing rules consequences and privileges. Buy a purity ring too.

Answer 5

confront them about it. if you need some help with what to say, say something like its my social life, when i am 18 i will be an adult so its not like you can hold onto me forever, yada yada. o, and sorry, they sound realllllllllllllllly annoying

Answer 6

Tell them exactly what you just wrote.

Answer 7

Well you seem like a really smart person so just have a nice long chat with your parents. They are probably just overprotective because they don't want you to grow up and they are afraid of you getting out of their grasp.

Answer 8

OMG me and you are like the same her (but i only live with my mom) idk what to do either!!!! i just try to sneek or go over my dad house and he let me do whatever!

Answer 9

It sounds like your parents are very overprotective.  While this is extremely (EXTREMELY) frustrating, it comes from a good place - they care about you.  Adolescence is a time when individuals try out different things to discover who they are and what values they hold (which may be very separate from their parents' values).  Many parents struggle with this fact.  The only thing I can think of short of going to family therapy is sitting down with them and having a serious talk about what you want to do with your life and how you are mature enough to realize that you don't want to jeopardize your future by doing something foolish.  Some parents really cannot let go of trying to control their children.  With others, open communication really helps.  Maybe you could offer to check in at some point during the evening if they are concerned about your whereabouts.  They are still your parents...maybe just keeping in touch would make them feel more at ease.  

Answer 10

I completely understand. I suggest you just sit down and talk about it. And make it clear that your the one whose stating your opinion this time and you want your voice heard. But in a polite manner. Haha. And tell them everything you need to. Then hopefully they will understand and try to change their ways. Good luck !

Answer 11

cope with it

Answer 12

You really do sound very articulate and smart for your age, that's cool.  But listen, although you can express what you think and feel here very well, that doesn't mean you're so smart as to know better than your parents.  What you should do is back up just a little with this and think about it.  Trust me - there's nothing new under the sun.  Your paretns have lived longer than you and been your age - they have been around many corners and can tell, probably quite accurately, the types of people your friends are - or are becoming - within a few encounters. When you're s old as us old people, you'll tell too.  Anyway, they've obviously given you the freedom to remian friends with people they can't respect, so put yourself in their shoes - what more can they do?  Since they believe these kids are not good kids, and they won't stop you hanging out with them, then all they can do is be very, very vigilant towards you.  

But there is hope - you're hitting an age where it's totally right and natural foryou to want independence and the ability to determine many thigns for yourself.  All that's really expected of you at this stage is to prove, with every potentially life changing decision (or friendship) that you have weighed it up and think it's ok for you to do.  And so long as you can rationally communicate this, while maintaining trust and being responsible, then you'll gain more freedom.  That's the bottom line.   Because that's maturity and it's how it works.  If you can't handle this process, then really you may as well be the ditsy tinkerbell above who wants t osneak out to dad's to do what she wants..*cough*..  one tip though: don't defend your friends if they're already condemned, just agree that they're 'idiots' and reassure your folks that you aren't.

EDIT: yes, you say you've proved - yes, until now, you're right you have - but that's why I wrote: process.  As you continue to prove you're trustworthy, you'll conitnue to secure mor freedoms.  That's the process - it takes time.  Otherwise they'd be total idiots to say: oh he proved himself at 16 and we never ask now and let him do whatever he wants!  Keep going!  It's your life - trust me, i nthe end you get to live it just as you please and being a teen will be gone in a flash (sincerely & sadly).

Answer 13

Keep the lines of communication open with your parents.  They have heard 100 stories of "good kids" who do stupid things in their teens that mess up their lives.

Trust me one bad decision sticks with you YOUR WHOLE LIFE.  Be glad your parents care so much.  Each time you're going out OVERCOMMUNICATE -- tell them where you're going, with whom, what you expect to do, how they can reach you, etc. etc. etc.  Eventually you'll gain their trust.

Answer 14

start inviting your friends over to hang out at your house so that your parents can slowly see that they have nothing to be worried about. if your friends are extremely nice and polite to your parents, they will gain their trust.

Answer 15

It sounds like my parents!

I am very similiar to you and my parents ask 20 questions.

Let them know how you feel about it all.

If you continue to let them get to you, you may just become unhappy or create problems with yourself.

You know you are a good person so now it's time to let them know that too.

Answer 16

yeah...you have your way...

Answer 17

have you tried telling them that?

Answer 18

My parents were like that until the beginning of summer. I sat them down and told them that I don't do bad things behind their back, I would never do anything for them not to trust me. They began to calm down a little, but it took time.

I told them my friends do things, but they shouldn't judge. My father drinks and my mother smokes. I told her they would just be hypocrites. And they aren't their children, so they can't judge them. They can have their opinions, but I told them I didn't want to hear them. If I thought my friends were THAT bad, and were causing me trouble, I could decide for myself I didn't want to be friends with them.

Answer 19

i have paranoid parents too. try spend all the time in your room more and dont talk much its easy when u do that.

Answer 20

Wow, well you need to seriously sit down and explain this to them.  You sound like one smart kid, and they have to learn to trust you sometime, so you have to make them trust you.  Look, at the world today, it's c**p, and so your paretns and want whats best for you, even though they are blind and can't see that what they are doing is hidding you away from life.  i had a friend whose mom was like this once.  she still kind of is.  you just have to proove yourself, or sit down and talk to them about it.  they seem to care about you a lot, so they have to care about what you have to say.

Answer 21

next time you get into one of these arguments be sure to tell them that youve never done any of that stuff and that you think highly of yourself and woudlnt do anything to s***w it up. also tell them to be more open minded about your friends..ask them about their childhood and if their parents did the same/ did they think it was unfair too. try to make them see your side more easily. hope this helps :)

Answer 22

Wow, that sounds tough.

I'm 16 too and my parents always seem to want to be better at this or that, when I'm trying my hardest already.

I would just talk to them and say what you feel.

Tell them that you're a better person than they're making you feel like, and tell them that there's more to you than what they see.

Good luck:)

Answer 23

ugh! im the same way! i would like to hear what people have to say about this too..

Answer 24

They might not be paranoid parent but they are worried about you and especially with all thats going on now a days. But you gotta make them know that, they will keep on treating you like a little boy untill they know that your old enough to take care of yourself for a while and also let them know you are not interested in drugs and bad stuf of that source. Holp that helps^^