I have poor social skills, how should i develop them?

Question

i just can't talk to people in a way that makes them want to carry on a conversation with me.

Answer 1

Listen to them Truely.

Answer 2

Find a pill.  Thats always the solution to everyones problems these days.  Haven't you noticed?

Answer 3

Maybe you just havent met the right ppl... i was like that in high school...i had LOTS of firends but they just weren't ME! Go to a place with ppl like you... mine was church, music venues, and sport outings...

Answer 4

be open, be yourself and dont act like others

Answer 5

If you can afford to go to counseling then I would see a counselor and meet with them once a week and they can help you develop your social skills.

If you cannot, then try to go to the book store (or library) and find a book in the Self-Help section on developing social skills. I've heard of the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and that is a very popular one. You should be able to check it out from your library.

If all else fails, Just START talking to people and the key is you have to pay attention (NOT TO YOURSELF) but to how the other person is responding. People LOVE TO TALK and all you have to do it LISTEN.

Seriously, most people are thinking about themselves (not you). If you listen to them and pay attention to them and don't worry about yourself, you will be the most POPULAR person around.

Good luck :)

PS-You should take my advice becasue everyone LOVES ME!!! (haha..just kidding )

Answer 6

Boost your listening chops by developing strong active listening skills. This involves focusing on what others have said rather than waiting for pauses in the conversation in order to reply. When people are talking for example, pay attention to the non verbal cues they exhibit. When their eyes drift from your face, you're losing them. When their pupils dilate they are actively engaged in what you're saying.

What someone is speaking a good tip to get them to continue talking is to mirror both their behaviors (watch people who are really excited about their conversations and their gestures tend to match) and their words. Use the words they use. Often people have patterns of speech they really like and using them as you reflect back the key points of what they are saying further engages them.

Be a conversation detective! Look for "cherries". These are conversational fruits people pepper their speech with. For example, when you're making small talk about the weather and if it's raining and someone says, "Yes, but it's great for the plants." PLANTS are cherries. A good thing to then say is, "Oh, do you garden?" If they do, they will ramble on and give you more opportunities to ask questions, offer reflective imput and actively engage them.

People love and crave great listeners. Having great social skills isn't always about being the best speaker, but rather being the most active listener, a skill we can all develop!

I hope this helps.

Answer 7

whenever you start talking to people just try to bring up and interesting story... make it so they wanna listen, exagerate... and when you are listening to them try to ask questions even if you know the answer to it... there is always good places in a conversation where you can make jokes and laugh a little. just keep a conversation going and try to be yourself, but dont be boring

Answer 8

Go out and meet people...take a customer service job for a bit if necessary...that can help if it's just shyness that hinders you...

Answer 9

I hate that when people you try and talk to brush you off, or rather appears to be doing that, often both people are at fault, often not finding common ground.

I had a flat mate like that, we tried to talk, but we just never fully clicked - it could get awkward at the best of times...

You simply have to spend more time with people, getting to know them, shyness effects us all, but in different ways.

Answer 10

Ok tell you what....the best thing for you to do is get involved in your community. If you get involved with your community you will eventually work with kids. Most kids are open to new people and are interested in what adults have to say. In high school I knew how to talk to people but didn't know how to do it right. Once i became a DJ it challenged me to further my people skills. Most of the people in the club are drunk and like to talk to the DJ so i had to look past my poor social skills. If you, or any other person reading this, would like to ask me anything else feel free.

This is my first time reading any of these ASK questions. I hope my advice helps you.