I have read in several answers to questions that people feel "pre-birth matching should be abolished"...

Question

I was wondering - What does pre-birth matching mean? I'm guessing from context that means that a mother is matched with adoptive parents for her baby before her baby is born. Is that correct?

Why do people feel pre-birth matching should be abolished?

Answer 1

Yes; pre-birth matching is when an adoptive family is matched with a bio family before the child is born.  It is thought that many of these pre-birth matches are a form of coercion to the birth family if they want to change their mind.  

Many people believe that a birth mom can only make a valid decision to make an adoption plan once the child is born and hence, pre-birth matching should not be allowed.

Answer 2

you got it right.

i would like it to be abolished bc it would put less pressure on the bmother to surrender if there were no pre-matching.

Answer 3

To play devil's advocate, I do know of a few situations where the pregnant woman came to live with the adoptive family for a few weeks prior to delivery, then stayed for several weeks after.  That situation seemed to work well for them.

Anytime you talk about abolishing a choice for a woman considering adoption, it makes me nervous.  I think that a reasonably intelligent individual is capable of making that choice for herself instead of the state limiting choices ostensibly for her own good.  

Rather, I think it should be emphasized that pre-birth matching isn't mandatory or perhaps, not encouraged because of the possibility of emotional blackmail (whether that's the intent of the would-be adoptive family or not).  Lay out the options, explaining the pros and cons of each, but let the woman make up her own mind.

Answer 4

Many folks thinks pre-birth matching is wrong because of the potential for the birthmom to feel pressure to follow through with the adoption even if she changes her mind after the birth.  Sometimes adoptive parents help birthmoms with expenses prior to the birth (legally) and many believe that puts pressure on the birthmoms to follow through.

Answer 5

I don't think it should be abolished, but the women shouldn't be pressured to chose a family either. If I were placing my child, I'd want to get to know who the people REALLY were. The APs dont' need to know until a placement is made. I'd want to do my OWN background check (Its amazing what google will show). I wouldn't want to make a snap decision on what wil change my childs life forever.

What about people who want to have their raised by people they already know? What then?

What needs to be done is the APs, need to KNOW, FEEL and EXPRESS that they have NO expectations, NO entitlement, NO need for a child, just there if she needs them to parent the child. I love my son SOOO muc, but if things didn't work out the way it was planned, I would have understood and supported his mother 100%. It wasn't about me, but about them.

Answer 6

Well- that would be taking away the women's right to choose...  abortion or keep the child or adoption.  It ain't gonna fly.  I agree with the concept though.  I also think abortion is murder.

Answer 7

Did you know that I can return a lawn mower to Home Depot from up to 90 days of purchase?

Doncha think every mother should have at least that long to decide if she is capable of raising her own child?!

Answer 8

I think a woman shoudl not decide whether to place her child for adoption until after the child is born and she has had rationale time to think about it.  If you pre-match, the ownership of the child is felt by the adoptive parents, even though there is not yet a child to give them...and then if mom changes her mind which is her right, where does that leave a-mom and dad.  Just not good for anyone.

Answer 9

I just looked into "adopting" a kitten for my daughters. A mandatory 9 WEEKS before they will separate them from the mother because it can traumatize the kittens if they're weaned too young.

I think that many pregnant women have unrealistic and unexperienced expectations of life with a child. And with a little bit of encouragement and help they could parent and do a wonderful job.

When pre-birth matching starts happening people begin to feel entitled to children, it allows all parties to be manipulated into an adoption plan that everyone isn't comfortable with from obligation and guilt should the mother choose to back out of the "pre birth arrangement."

Its not giving the child a "fair shot" with his/her mother because its not even giving them a chance of life with eachother after birth.

I was terrified of what life was going to be like with a baby, when my daughter was growing inside of me. i had no idea what to expect, luckily her father knew I would be a great mother and never stopped telling me that. I feared my poverty, my lack of savings, my lack of medical insurance, but it worked out. 3 years later, we're A LOT better than we were when I was pregnant. I can't imagine losing her because society let us down and didn't believe in us, as a family.

Making an adoption "plan" ahead of birth, with a couple who so desperately wants a child, allows for the childs best interests to be overlooked too often in my opinion.