I have some discipline problems with two kids

Question

I am a nanny for two kids age 8 and 10. They fight continually. Mom is gone all the time and there are no set consequences for them. I have looked at several books that recommend a time out for fighting. I cannot imagine physically trying to get this large 10 year old to go to a time out or stay there. They disobey everything they are asked to do. Mom does not want them to have to do chores and there is nothing to take away from them, mom will just give in when they call her on the phone. I am open for advise. The fighting is getting way out of hand and I have to do something. Mom has the boy in counseling and thinks that is enough. I think there needs to be consequences on the home front...but I am not sure how to organize it myself.

Answer 1

well... As a consequence, you could always take the phone away so they can't call their mother. Then tell them in order to get the phone back, they have to do some sort of chore and apologize for whatever it was that they did. You could run it by the mom first to let her know what you're doing so the kid doesn't try to get you in trouble too. I hope everything works out for you =( i can't imagine having to put up with that all the time.

Answer 2

just buy them a bunch of candy, that will shut them up.

Answer 3

Call "Nanny 911"...sounds like the mom needs a few lessons too!

Answer 4

Your hands are tied.  As a parent I have to have consequences for my kids actions or I would lose it.  You have to give the mother an ultimatum.  I would line up another possibility for yourself unless you are willing to deal with the CONSEQUENCES of not doing anything.  You will end up hating your job if you can't get some control.  

Answer 5

Talk to the mother about everything you just said - these children need serious repercussions for this behavior. Is their father around? If so, get him involved too. I would recommend trying more disciplinary action, such as stepping up and telling the 10 yr old he's wrong - he shouldn't physically (or mentally) be trouble for you.

It's not fair for you to have to put up with this - if it gets out of control, quit; it doesn't matter how much you get paid if there is no respect towards you, or if you are unable to do your job correctly because of the client's ill-behaved children.

Answer 6

Honey, I have no suggestions, but you have my sympathy. I could not have your job. I would be miserable in that situation...there's nothing more pitiful than kids who don't have a parent that cares enough about them to make sure that they're raised correctly.  

Answer 7

watch that super nanny show- mebey u will get good ideas

Answer 8

Sounds like you are in a S****y job. The parents of these children should support your decisions while you are on duty, including when the kids call and whine to them. And you should all be working as a team to be consistent so that behavior has the same consequences no matter who is in charge.

One thing you can do is actively ignore it. This is not the same as blowing them off. You are paying close attention to what they are doing so they are being supervised, but you learn to tune out some of the fighting (because at this age, sibs will fight a lot) and you ignore their demands to get in the middle, and to do anything nice for either of them when they treat you or each other like c**p.

I have noticed that children often get along better when they don't think anyone is around. You wouldn't think so. But sometimes I think they just want to make the adult jump. It's a form of manipulation, and sometimes maybe they are scared that if an adult doesn't intervene one will beat up the other, and in still another situation, kids sometimes think that adults expect them to fight, so they do. All this to say, maybe you are somehow rewarding their behavior with your reaction. This is definitely the case if you freak out at all.

You can also set up activities for them to do, with or without you, that are separate from the other sibling. And then at other times, you can do things with them where they NEED to cooperate to get things done, such as earning a common reward. Something small that they can earn every day without breaking the bank or getting tired of it...like both earning 15 minutes extra time before bed, or you can tie this in to dessert, or soda or computer time for the day, or whatever. If it's a daytime reward you can base it on their behavior the day before.

If you are not allowed to issue any consequences basically you are there to make sure they don't kill each other, and to feed them and drive them around. Hardly the rewarding situation of helping these kids grow up civilized and happy. If this is your situation, I would discreetly look for another job, and use a close family friend who sees your dilemma as your reference rather than the parents themselves.

Answer 9

Quitting is the only option.

Pity the boys, but you have to protect yourself and your son.

Answer 10

You should call SuperNanny - Jo will help you out!!

Answer 11

Take stuff away - including their phones to call Mom! You're awesome to try and get order in their lives. Sounds like you care more than Mom does.

Answer 12

Tell them about the consequences of their actions, why is bad, the sad emotions it can cause, the problem it can cause in a future, why they don't need or have to do that, talk to them in a nice way. Stop the fight in a angry loud tone.

The best way which I don't belive in it and I am sure you can't do it but its the best way its to spank them with a bell, thats the ONLY way to make them learn a lesson. lol

Answer 13

It is a little harder because you are a nanny.  I would talk to the mother all though it sounds like she does not care about how undiciplined her children are.  The thing is I agree that there needs to be set guidelines for the children.  When you have talked to the mother maybe you can get her to understand that her kids really need to have some consequences for there actions.  It is harder for you too because it sounds like when the kids don't like something you do they call there mother.  I would try and just make an understanding between you and there mother that her kids are misbehaving and that you are trying to punish them.  Like I said though it is a little harder for you because you are a nanny.  I honestly don't like homes like that.  Well I hope I helped out and good luck.