I have some questions for FTMs?

Question

I'm a FTM myself, but I haven't come out to anyone I know in real life, and it'll still be a year or two until I'm 18... I crossdress because I just can't bring myself to wear womens clothing, so I get the feeling that everyone automatically assumes that I'm just a L*****n, but that just isn't the case. Basically, I'm wondering what would be the best way to come out to my parents? Or how did you do it? My dad is against this kind of thing, and I'm not sure about my mom. I'm afraid that if I told them, they might disown me.

Also, I'm sort of afraid that if I'm ever to take testosterone, it'll be really noticeable that I was a woman. I'm not the tallest.. about 5'6, and my face is very soft and stuff... I guess what I'm asking is if you found your transition to be smooth, and if you "pass" easily?

thanks......

Answer 1

I just want to say best of luck to you sweetie *hugs*

Answer 2

I came out to my mom by telling her that I felt like I was a guy. My mother is very liberal, so she didn't freak out at all. However, if you seriously think your parents would freak out, and believe that you might end up on the street, or otherwise in danger, I'd recommend waiting until you can support yourself before you come out. As for your concerns about passing, I am also 5'6". I have been on T less than a year and I already pass 100%. Even before I had top surgery, I passed pretty much all the time within a few months of starting T. The one thing that tends to happen is that people think I am younger than I am, but that isn't a huge deal. Testosterone can do wonders to add facial hair and change the appearance of the entire body! If you want, feel free to contact me through my Y!A profile!

Answer 3

I just told my mother flat out that I was trans. She is g*y herself so she kinda understood. I know a lot of guys decide to write letters to fully explain things without being interrupted. There is a site called the Transitional Male (http://www.thetransitionalmale.com/TellP... You have to be prepared for that honestly. Ask some of your friends if you can spend the night if you get kicked out or disowned.

I "pass" pretty easily and I am not on T nor had top surgery. Most of the time people think that I am just 12 or 13 but they think I am male so it works for me. Its all about how you present yourself for others to see you. I have yet to start transitioning due to age issues, I am not 18 yet but I have been where you are and its hard.

Some of the best advice I can give you is just get out there. Start telling your friends and worry about your parents later. You might lose some friends but it really shows who your true friends are. Join your local LGBT community and just get involved. That's exactly what I did now I am in college and happy about where I am for the most part (except the whole no transition part),  

Answer 4

Well I've been disowned many a time by my mother for being trans, and now it's five years later and she's not such a jerk about having a son.

Mom's are pretty well known for their freak out when learning they have a son instead of a daughter.... All the guys I chat with share that opinion.

I just came out to the extended family because I finally got my freaking testosterone perscription and figured it would be better they hear it from me. That was a pretty good "outting" and I now have an enormous support system where I thought I would get the joy of being disowned all over again by a huge number of people. Sometimes people can surprise you.

I pass pretty easy, I'm a real androgynous looking guy and I like it that way. I'm only 5"10, but I know of guys way shorter than me. Testosterone makes you look way more masculine than you could dream of. Some guys have shown me before and afters and you would never know they were the same person.

So far I'm doing a okay with my transition now that it's underway. I think the toughest part is the waiting before you make your move, after that it's all pretty straightforward what you're going to do. Moving forward is the best feeling ever. I only get stressed when I feel like I'm going nowhere.

Hope my rant helps some....  

Answer 5

You are exactly where I was at that age. I am now 21, and been on T for over a year, w/o any surgeries. And you know what, I am shorter then you, and nobody really has a clue!!!

As far as coming out, does your family and/or friends know you are attracted to women? And if so, how are they taking to that?

My mother "found out" when I was about 13 that I had a interest in females, and realized around 15 or so, that me having any sexual interest in a male was not happening. (closest hope was my best friend ken, a g*y boy, and I would sleep in the same bed when we stayed at each others houses)

  So then I, like you, started to explore my gender more so, and realized that what I was feeling was normal, and I was just born in the wrong body, also known as GID (gender identity disorder). I talked to a fellow FtM, who is not forwarding thru the transistion due to having cancer, so doesn't wanna overwhelm his body w/ surgery and all. I was sent into a military bootcamp, at my mothers decision, because she thought I was going down the wrong path, cause I was rebelious. In which, my new found gender exploration was placed on a pause. And then a few months after coming back, I had made a final decision because I could no longer hide it from my mother, as I had told my friends that I was going to transition. In which, as expected I lost friends, but my real friends became even closer and meaned more to me...

Coming out to my mother was kinda interesting actually. I had been involved in GLBTQI groups for years, and was about 6months out of bootcamp, and in a relationship w/ my now ex, that my mother really liked. Basically everything was going good, and despite being 17 I was living with my girl. And one day we were at my mother's house, and she was in a newer relationship, that was going WAY TOO QUICK,  and I didn't like the guy, and neither did any of her friends, and thats why the relationship lasted maybe a year, tops. And I had been reading online about everyone's coming out stories and struggles and etc. thru Livejournal. So she leaves us to go pick up the ex-man, and we are sitting there cuddling on the couch while watching TV, and I had disclosed this a month or two beforehand to my girl, and then I looked up at her, and said "Do you think that my mother would be ok if I told her tonight?" And she kinda gave me a questionive look, and said, she should be okay. And within a few moments I was at the pen and pad and writing in the office a long note, and wrote basically I love you no matter what, and hope you can love me that way as well. But I have been living in secret from you, and I can no longer take it. I am going to transition to be your son. And before you say that I haven't thought it thru, know that I knew before I was even sent to bootcamp, but have been keeping this til I felt you were able to handle it as well (ie. her emotions not being in a trainwreck, like they were before me bein bootcamp) So this has been a long process so far that I have gone thru, and I know I haven't made it very far even yet on this journey. And then I placed it in a envelope, and decorated the envelope in all these bright colored highlighters saying "Don't open til after we leave."  So I'm going to bring the things we had over there (i think it was some laundry and food from dinner) out to the car, and had asked to have my girlfriend give it to her upon us leaving, since I was the one that was packing up the car. And so she gave it to her, and as I was going back to the house, she meets me out on the porch, and first words out of her mouth is: "I'm your mother, you know I don't read directions" (which is why most thing that required assembley were given to me as a chore growin up) And she greeted me with open arms, and while hugging me, says "I already knew." I thought to myself d**n parents with that knowing everything!!

As far as passing...I'm shorter then you, but still pass, even in the L*****n community. (which was my biggest excitement passing in a L*****n bar, to everyone that I spoke to) But yeah, basically, its all in what you wear and how you act. I am often seen as a mature 14-15yr old boy. Because I have the adult maturity, but still slightly soft face despite being on T for over a year. If you wear tight jeans and shirts that "flaunt" your chest, then obvisously you're not going to pass as well as jeans and T-shirt/button up/polo style. Also, because if you are like me, you have a tendency to make sure you still "look good" when going out, and my idea of looking good for the club is a nice polo or button up and jeans or dickies or etc. Where as, all the other guys may be wearing their shorts all down to their knees and tears and rips wouldn't matter, and a shirt that is 10times their size...I would be seen as possibley a g*y guy there (and I had a drag queen see me as a g*y guy at a L*****n bar one night, and it was pretty humourous to see the reaction when Kamden actually found out) But yeah, the lin

Answer 6

5 foot 6 is a good height. Im only 5 foot 1 and I pass really well. I was small when I began taking T and now Ive put on weight and muscle, and my face is masculine. Dont worry- T will change you a lot!

My transition was very smooth, in fact it was so fast that I found it hard to catch up emotionally. You are expected by society as a man to be capable of so much- this is where it can get hard for FTMs sometimes. We pass very well and then we open our mouths and female voice comes out for a while.. and we might have some female mannerisms. At best people might think youre g*y. So just be yourself and dont worry too much about it.

It will take some patience but perhaps make some online FTM teenage friends and chat with them, and maybe meet some in real life? and see a counsellor.. you dont have to tell anyone just yet.. just say youre a L*****n if you feel you need to.. good luck

Answer 7

Just wanted to say you got some good answers!  And no ignorant responses!

I wouldn't worry about "passing".  Testosterone does an EXCELLENT job on the guys, especially when combined with working out.  Who's going to misread you once you have a deep male voice and facial hair?