I have suffered from bulimia for 4 years, am male, 22 y/o, weigh 100 lbs at 5'10. Need advice.?

Question

Hello everyone,

It's been four years now that I have had bulimia, my entire body has become shockingly dissimilar to the one in years past. Is it worth it to keep going? I have recently gained 10 lbs of weight and feeling a little higher in spirits, but I have heard from a fellow anorexic that even though you can bring your body back to form -- in weight -- it will not do a l**k of good in terms of the longterm damage I've done.

Is there really any point to continuing? I'm living everyday to make my mother a little happy, because she's supported me for the last 22 years of my life. I have been an invalid... for the last 8 years (14, if you're counting the number of years ago my father left us).

I want to make my mother proud. She's single handedly raised me; there's nothing more I would like to do than to see her smile. I feel so bad that I can't help around the house (I do all the chores, when my sister and brother don't do anything) in terms of maintenance and repairs, but I try my best.

I tell her everyday that if she were ever to want me to commit suicide because I cause her too much grief, I would do it for her. She cries when she hears this, yet I feel it may be necessary to bring her some happiness. I feel like killing myself (for her) would be my greatest gift.

I'm not suicidal, just realizing the futility of all my years of pain and punishment upon myself have already destroyed what little I had in years past. It would be no big loss, my family would go on and so would the world.

Thanks,

Av

Answer 1

Simple solution: Stop sticking your finger down your throat, for one. Also, why end your life? It's a marvelous thing. Believe it or not, it might even be worse when you're dead. You don't get to experience emotions when you're dead. You don't get to live or interact when you're dead.  Ask yourself what am I doing, what am I thinking about doing, and most importantly, what is this doing for me? Think about that for a while

Regards.

Answer 2

Hi Av,

Although you have been suffering from bulimia for four years I suggest that you continue to gain weight and bring your body back to the weight that it should be.

Its great that your mother has supported you for 22 years whether you have been an invalid or not, and that you do all maintenance and repairs around the house.

No mother would want to see their child die before them, no mother would ever to want their child to commit suicide no matter how much grief that child causes them.

You have been through four years of bulimia and a few years as an invalid, if you cure yourself of the bulimia now you may live another fifty years in as good health as you can be.  Think positive.

Carol

Answer 3

Please don't kill yourself. that would be the worst thing to do. and that would devastate your mother.. she doesn't deserve that. And yes, you should continue gaining weight. Stick to it! It might take long to repair some of the damage, but you're still young, and you can still get back to a normal life. Don't give up. Life is precious.

Answer 4

don't kill yourself!!

i wish i was u that thin !!!!

(but i am a fat ***):(

Answer 5

You have taken the first step by recognising there is an issue.

Keep going with bringing yourself up to a healthy weight.  Work on all your health.  This includes dental work.  

Go try doing some things - Pilate's, yoga, tai chi.  And other classes and hobbies that will get you into living life again.

Your Mum cries because she loves you and sees the beauty and great person you are and could be.  The could be isn't about you being a fancy lawyer or doctor either.  She wants you living a "good" enjoyable life.  ("Good" basically referring to you not being like a murdering rapist or such).  She wants to see you moving beyond your anorexia or bulimia.

Look life is currently a bit, well to put it impolitely cr*ppy, but you can get it in the positive.  But you need to keep choosing to go that way otherwise you are going to slide if you let it continually fester.

Seek counselling and support to help you get this.

Answer 6

Why don't you find out for yourself what happens instead of taking someone else's word for it?

If you haven't done everything in your power to recover (and not just years ago or last years or months ago, but right now), including handing yourself over to a hospital or just going to get treatment for bulimia or depression or whatever else (i.e. telling someone about those feelings and plans), then you can't really make that decision.

You may feel like you've done everything, but there is always something else to try.  You've gained some weight though, so there's a success in the making - what you are trying is working in some way - try it again. And you can't live in fear of what you've already done, but in what you are doing to be as healthy as you can, even if it ends up being less than others now.

Do you really think your mother wants to have a son who killed himself after years of bulimia?  Or would she rather have one who recovered if he could and could take care of himself and the family more?  You'd like to see her smile in the same way she'd like to see you smile.  

You can't give your body, this time emaciated and dead, back to your mother as a gift - would that really be a gift?  You can, however, give to her love and attention and the potential joy of seeing you become healthy, a cycle which can repeat itself when you are alive.

Answer 7

Its the attitude you describe that makes you Bulimic, feeling that your life has no purpose and i don't want to say it but you are suicidal thinking that you killing your self would be no big loss what about your Mom what would she be like if you committed suicide.

Yes even though you will never be able to fully reverse the effects of the Bulimia you should seek therapy that way you wont be damaging you body beyond any improvement.

Answer 8

Your fellow anorexic wants you down in the gutter with him. Don't listen to him as the better you get the better you will feel about yourself.

In the end you will do you and your mother proud. The problem is you have to find out why you became anorexic the emotional problem behind it and then you can really conquer your demon.  

Answer 9

have you ever listened to N.E.R.D.?