I have the urge to please people. How can I grow out of it?

Question

It's really getting in my way of being truly happy. I feel like I need people to like me. If they don't, instead of accepting it, I keep wondering what I can/should do to please them and make them like me. Even if they're horrible to me. I feel lame because of this and I wanna grow out of it. If somebody doesn't like me, I wanna be able to say/think "Eh, what am I gonna do? No one is liked by everybody.".

Any advice? Please?

Answer 1

Start hating people. People in general. I don't mean being the enemy of mankind, just try to ease into misanthropy. It still allows you ordinary, intimate relationships with a select few people, while keeping your mind a safe distance from everyone else. You will not feel the need to please folks anymore.

Answer 2

you feel some part of you is lacking or not good enough, hence you seek to be liked.......work on what this is and you will be able to work on the other issues.

good luck :) The answer is out they but it will take maybe a long journey and much heart ache to find it. But trust me it will be worth it

Answer 3

I would say that you will grow out of it on time.

You must be going through puberty/teens period and it is at that time that lots of teens need to be accepted by cliques and the need to "belong" is very strong.

I am sure that rationally you know that nobody can please everybody in this world but your heart is telling you otherwise.

Maybe you want to be liked by the wrong crowd ??

Think : those " horrible people"........does everybody like and appreciate them ??? I would be very surprised if that was the case.

Teens can be so cruel among themselves. Moreso nowadays. Who is so called "popular", who has the best clothes, the latest ipod etc..

Try to develop some confidence in yourself.  I know it is so much easier than said. I am sure you have talents that no one else has and qualities that are not shared by others either.

You might have your faults........but who does not ???

Please do not try to please people who are mean to you.

Think : would you yourself laugh at somebody who has a disability, in a wheelchair or stg ?? Actually some people make fun of them and they are pitiful beings.

I am not sure how I could help because as a teen I was not like that. I was pretty independent and had my own friends, did not follow the crowds etc.

I was so called popular with some but by no means one of " popular one" as some teens are regarded nowadays.

From time to time, my parents remind me and speak of the "popular ones" at the time. Girls and boys who thought they were "all that"at the time, superior feelings and all. Well some girls fell pregnant at 15, some others have menial jobs, some are unemployed, some never made it into higher education, some have very very boring lives...1 or 2 really fell into bad times. Wrong choices. Well I only about some of them. Not all of them.

Being "popular" certainly does not mean success later on.

Please try to associate with nice people.

Ignore the mean ones.......if they are mean now, they have problems : self confidence, esteem etc. They put up a front and I wonder how many actually hate themselves inside. Could be due to bad family environment, bad circumstances and all but that does not excuse it all really.

I think you need to be kinder to yourself. Join some group of one of your hobby where you might feel appreciated ??

You know people who want to please everybody actually end up pleasing nobody..

Please try to develop more confidence in yourself.........

Ahhh.....good luck !!