I have this friend that is pregnant... and well...?

Question

It seems like she doesn't care! She still smokes and drinks. She hasn't even cut down on her smoking of 1-2 packs a day. According to her doctor/midwife, they said it's OK to drink one to two beers a day. (I have never heard of that). This wasn't a planned pregnancy by the way. The 'father' ended up leaving her.

We used to be really good friends in our freshman year in high school, and we just met up almost a year ago because she ended up being our neighbor in our apartment complex.

When I ended saying something to other people (unfortunatly when I said something like this it was to people to smoke all the time) and to them they don't seem to care if pregnant people smoke. They don't see it as a big deal because they smoking 1-3 packs a day during their pregnancy and nothing was wrong with their baby. BUT I do think it's a pretty big deal. I think that if you have something that's practically living off of you, you should care what you do to your body during this time. It's not hard to stop smoking for a few months. However, she doesn't just do this whole 1-2 beers a day. She actually gets pretty drunk and a bit 'tipsy'.

My Question is: Should I say anything to her? Should I try helping her out? What should I do exactly?

Answer 1

no pregnant female should smoke or drink it is very harmful to the baby and the mother and yes they should take better care of themselves you should try to say something to her to get her to understand bc even if some babies r ok when they are born bc of the mother smoking and drinking doesnt mean that hers will be that is putting the both of them in danger and for complications durning delivery ive got a cousin who had a baby at 13 and now the child is 11 yrs old and her mother never took care of herself she smoked and done drugs and she would get drunk and didnt eat right or take her vitimans and her baby was born with Downs Syndrome trust me you need to talk to her and no dr should say that it is ok to drink and smoke durning pregnancy

Answer 2

Tell her what you think not when u get mad or when she is drunk are smoking telll her when you guys are alone tell her how u feel and wether she decides to take the advice its up to her cause at the end of the day she's the pregnant not u  

Answer 3

just tell her that she is harming her baby one drink could affect the babytell her that maybe get some information online about what could happened and what you should do(like eat and activities to be carefulof doing) maybe pictures something that will make her listen because the baby shouldnt suffer because of her mistakes just try and make her relize that this is bad but you cant force her to listen to you. all you can do is try. good luck!!!

Answer 4

you should absolutely say something to her. her baby cant stand up for itself. some doctors say its ok to have a drink every now and then while pregnant but getting drunk is unacceptable. i would actually contact her midwife because she is probably not telling her midwife the whole truth.

Answer 5

Okay...that beer Thing is retarted

Yeaa if you guys are really friends you shuld

telll her something

you shuld search online and show her everything

about how her baby can possibly die

and could possibly come out with health problems

Answer 6

Well it is her kid but drinking and smoking during pregnancy can cause health problems.

My Mum smoked while she pregnant with me and my siblings and my doctor thinks that might be why both my sister and I have a lazy eye each even though lazy eyes don't run in our family.

Maybe get her some info about what doing this can do to her kid and just leave it around her place. But confronting her about it is not likely to end well.  

Answer 7

You should definitely say something to her.  since she seems resistant to hearing anyone tell her smoking is bad i would carefully think of how and when to speak up.  timing is extremely important.  the link below has great videos that you may want to show her...real stuff

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2JUuQOlE...  

Answer 8

It's her baby if she wants to have a kid with 11 fingers and a speech problem then so be it

Answer 9

you should def say something!!!!!! that poor child needs to be taken away!!!!  

Answer 10

It isn't going to hurt anything to try and say something! She may get mad but the only thing you can do is try! If she doesn't and her baby develops a problem, the only person she can blame is herself!!

Answer 11

I'd try and say something where possible, of course.

But it honestly doesn't look like she's going to stop!

Answer 12

I think you should definitely care about your friend. Pregnant mothers should not by all means smoke. This can cause still born babies and most of all pre mature babies. Some of these ladies you know that don't have anything "wrong" with their kids are either 1. luck or 2. too dumb to even realize that's something wrong.

You need to tell your friend to stop being so selfish and think about the human being she bringing into the world. If your her friend, you would help her by telling her to stop drinking and smoking.

Good luck, but most importantly I wish the baby luck

Answer 13

Well...I'm no expert on this but I'll try to help.

        Maybe you should ask your self, "Should I say anything for the baby? Should I try Helping the baby out?" Imagine when the baby is born under weight and not 100% at health. You might have wished you had said something some months before it was too late. You should try to talk to her for the sake of the baby, and even for her health. Read these:

http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnan...

http://www.marchofdimes.com/professional...

    Try and show them to her, and let her see for herself what could happen if she continues her habits. Hope this helps.

Answer 14

Its always good to tell your friends how you feel. Don't be afraid to say anything. But try this, get some info that you find on websites about the dangers of smoking/drinking while pregnant and give it to her. You might also find pictures of children who where effected by their mother smoking/drinking during pregnancy. Maybe some hard facts will straighten her out.

Answer 15

Talk to her.

Sit her down , and have a conversation with her.

That's what I would do.

Myabe dig up some "Smoking during pregnancy" documents or something she can read. Like a panflet.

Answer 16

steal her beer and smokes

intervention

Answer 17

well maybe if she heard it from som1 with experience she might stop.maybe shes scared or idk cuz i have a friend like that.what i did we surprised my friend (me and the guy that got her pregnat) we went to the hospital n looked at all the babies and the unhealty babies

Answer 18

I would definitely try talking to her first. Preferably when you can both be alone, and both sober. Talk to her about your concerns, and present her with some facts about the risks. If she continues doing what she is doing after you talk, I would seriously consider an anonymous call to social services so that she can get some help with this.

Answer 19

i think thats really wrong also. you should gently mention something about it and offer help. it is her baby after all, so try not to be too pushy becuase she will be defensive. thats probably all you can really do being only a friend. its really unfair for the baby though.

Answer 20

DEFINITELY! It's bad for your health to smoke and drink but it's a personal choice. However, when you have a baby inside you, it's something totally different. Try talking to her nicely. Don't insult her or call her stupid for doing it because that may push the two of you farther away. Instead make sure she knows that you are concerned and you just want to look out for her health and the health of her baby.

She may not really know how bad it is for the health of her child. So tell her this:

SMOKING

If all pregnant women stopped smoking while pregnant, there would be an estimated 10 percent reduction in infant deaths in this country, according to the U.S. Public Health Service.

Cigarette smoke contains more than 2,500 chemicals, with nicotine, tar, and carbon monoxide thought to be the most dangerous to the fetus.

The sooner a mother quits smoking, the better it will be for both her and her baby. If you currently smoke, it's not to late to do something about it. Quitting during the first trimester can greatly reduce the risk of having a baby with low birth weight — almost to that of a woman who doesn't smoke. The fewer cigarettes a woman smokes, the less likely her baby will be born with smoking-related problems.

Tell your doctor if you need help quitting. If you are a heavy smoker and have not been able to quit or cut down, you may be able to use a nicotine patch to help you quit while you are still pregnant. There are risks to using the patch during pregnancy, but the risk of heavy smoking may be greater.

Smoking has been associated with a number of pregnancy complications. One is an increased risk of ectopic pregnancy. In an ectopic pregnancy, the embryo becomes implanted in a fallopian tube or other abnormal site instead of the uterus. With the rarest of exceptions, these pregnancies do not result in the birth of a baby, and must be removed surgically or with drug treatment to protect a woman's life.

Cigarette smoking also appears to double a woman's risk of developing placental complications (which occur in about 1 percent of pregnancies). These include placenta previa, a condition in which the placenta is attached too low in the uterus and covers part or all of the cervix; and placental abruption, in which the placenta separates from the uterine wall before delivery. Both can result in a delivery that jeopardizes the life of mother and baby.

Smoking during pregnancy also increases the risk of stillbirth, miscarriage, and severe vaginal bleeding.

Studies by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) also suggest that smoking increases the risk of preterm delivery (before 37 weeks of gestation) by about 30 percent. It also increases the likelihood of certain birth defects, including a cleft lip and/or cleft palate (an opening in the roof of the mouth or the soft tissue in the back of the mouth).

Babies who weigh less than 5 1/2 pounds at birth face an increased risk of serious health problems during the newborn period, chronic disabilities (such as cerebral palsy, mental retardation, and learning problems), and even death.

Babies of mothers who smoke are twice as likely to die from sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) as babies of nonsmokers. Children who are exposed to cigarette smoke before birth also may be at increased risk of lasting problems, including asthma, learning disabilities, and behavioral problems.

DRINKING

Are there safe amounts of alcohol during pregnancy?

The truth is that any amount of alcohol may harm your baby. The Surgeon General's press release indicates that there is actually a range of problems that affects babies exposed to alcohol, otherwise known as fetal alcohol spectrum disorders. These effects can range from subtle learning disabilities to central nervous system disorders and facial anomalies.

In some cases, alcohol effects may not be seen for years. Researchers from the UK in a 2001 study saw more behavioral problems with children ages 6-7 if their mothers consumed even small amounts of alcohol during their pregnancies in comparison to women who did not consume any alcohol.

Therefore, not only is she risking the health of her child but her life too! Complications with the baby could even cause HER to die, not only the child.

I really hope this helped some. Good luck! I hope everything works out for your friend.

Answer 21

confront her, when she's not drunk or smoking, tell her what you said in ur question, that she should care what she puts in her body, since there is another person living off of it. Say that, it's a good motivation to quit smoking anyways. But try not yelling, use a calm voice, and encourage her to stop. Tell her to substitute alcohal for healthy foods, and tea.

i hope i helped.  

Answer 22

you should talk to her about it.

it's really bad for her health and also the baby's health..

you wouldn't do anything wrong with confronting her about the situation

you would only be a good friend!

Answer 23

She is an idiot.

And people like her shouldn't have s*x and get pregnant.

She should not be drinking/smoking or doing drugs when she is pregnant. It's extremely harmful for the child.

Answer 24

don't tell her anything, just make ananonymous call to child protective services, they can investigate and they have to they can force her into a program or risk losing her baby at birth.  

Answer 25

If she can't do what's right and take care of her unborn child, how will she treat the baby once it is born?  She needs to do some research and see for herself what the effects or smoking and drinking can have on a baby.  It's not hard to quit smoking while pregnant.  I quit the day  I got my positive.  She just needs to think of her baby.  She knows what drinking does to her, I can't imagine what is does to the baby

Answer 26

If she wants your help, she'll ask for out. She has enough on her mind, without you adding to it. So do nothing. You wouldn't want anyone jumping on you, telling you what to do during your pregnancy, or telling you how to raise a kid, would you? Right or wrong, she needs to figure it out herself. It is her kid. She'll be the one dealing with it, not you.

She did get the ok, from the Dr. I think the Dr. is a little more qualified than you. Sorry if the truth hurts.  

Answer 27

I think you should try to nicely talk to her about it. Maybe offer to quit drinking with her and be there for her when she thinks she needs a drink. They don't know for sure how much alcohol it takes to cause fetal alcohol syndrome, but she should be aware of the dangers. If you don't feel comfortable bringing it up, maybe you should print off some information on the dangers of drinking and smoking during pregnancy and put it in her locker. You could also type her an anonymous letter. Daily drinking can cause some serious birth defects. I would talk to her parents or a school counselor if the behavior continues. Good luck!

Answer 28

That's horrible. She can ruin her health if she wants, but it's very messed up to not care about her baby, it's not her choice to ruin it's health, especially after she made the mistake of getting pregnant, now she's being even less responsible. I don't know how to answer your question, but your friend is a crappy person.

Answer 29

Tell her that raising a healty child is MUCH easier than raising one with some kind of life altering condition (caused by smoking and drinking).

Answer 30

Yes. Of course.

you should tell her everything you told us.

Let her know your concerned about her, and her baby and that she shouldn't do that to herself. She is harming her baby.

Answer 31

It's time to take action...step up to the plate Jessy. Your friend sounds like she needs to mature and is trying to prevent that process. I recommend an intervention, get another close friend, maybe even 12, the more the merrier, that's my motto and although it doesn't seem like it could apply to all situations, it does. Her doctor sounds like a vitamin, yes you read right...a vitamin. Your friend should know the risks involved in drinking and smoking whilst pregnant so tell her to get her act together, thats right, together, not seperate...together!