I have tried to love my husband but i feel nothing?

Question

he has been and said very mean things to me in the last twelve years. he does not touch me or initiate s*x. he makes twice as much money as me, but does not offer to help with my bills which really revolve around our children. i feel nothing towards him and i feel guilty about it

Answer 1

it sounds like he thinks he is better than you wether its bills/money or his physical apperence just talk to him maybe there is something else wrong on the side and you shouldnt be treated that way/ if you need to threten him and say that you will leave if he doesnt change

Answer 2

First how can you feel guilty

he says means things to you

doesn't help you with the bills

and makes more money what kind of husband is that ?

you should feel ashmed for staying with him

i say you and the kids pack up

Divorice!

Answer 3

Well since it's been 12 years and he's still like this (i'm guessing he was like this before you got married), being that NO ONE deserves this kind of treatment... i recommend either counseling (alone or together) ....if that doesnt' work - a good divorce attorney.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

don't feel guilty. men are a******s.

take it from someone who has a dad that treats me mom like c**p.

i'm 19, they've been married 27 years and it just seems like its all be wasted on pure hatred for eachother.

they only stay together for me and my siblings. its sad.

Answer 5

You shouldn't feel guilty at all. You should leave him. Why should you work hard to respect and love him when he clearly doens't do that for you. You shouldn't torture yourself by trying to make this work. It would only work if both people are working on things and thats not the case.

Answer 6

u shouldnt feel gulity....if a man is treating u this way i really feel as though he has problems with himself.... if he does not want o support his children you should defenitly leave this relationship is not heathy...for u or ur kids....  u feel guilty for a reason and that reason is.......believe it or not.....he is verbally abusive and if he's doing this in front of ur kinds then there being mentally abused by seeing there mom hurt... ur best bet is to stay with relatives for a couple of days.... clear ur head  pack ur things and get out befor it turns into physical ab

Answer 7

Assyiii...

Why's is everyone saying,"DIVORCE!DIVORCE!?"

That's how messed up we are.

Do you think he could be doing badly at work, or anything personal that could be disrupting your relationship?

If he's not doing anything, he must have something inside him that's really hurting him.

Counseling?

Did you ever ask him why he's so angry with you, or are you afraid he'll blow up in your face?

Answer 8

Do not feel guilty! It sonds to me like he does not love you, and is cheating on you, I would get a divorce and DEMAND money for child care, It is the best thing for your children!

Answer 9

You can't force love, that is what it all comes down to. I think it would be best if you either went to marriage counseling or just straight-up get divorced. How and why have you been putting up with this for the last 12 years?  

Answer 10

You have been staying with him for the children,  don't

They want a happy mom, so get out and get yourself happy

the bills can be paid in part from his child support ,  

make yourself happy,  life is to short!!

Answer 11

Why don't you talk to him about it, see if you can work things out. You've been married with him for the past 12 years and have kids, so a divorce IMO may not be the best option for you or your children.

Answer 12

some people just grow apart. as you get older, you change. some change into strangers... you don't know them anymore. maybe this is the case for you. sometimes people stay in it because they think they can't get out... they have been in it too long. either try marital counseling, or get out. don't let misery absorb the rest of your life. things can get better.

Answer 13

Sounds like y'all are just together for the kids maybe?

Try to talk to him and let him know how you feel, he may

feel the same way. Maybe y'all would be better off getting a

divorce and just being friends. You could also try councling.

Hope everything works out for the best!

Answer 14

It seems as if the two of you have lost love for each other. Maybe it's time for a reunion or maybe it's time for a separation.

Answer 15

Don't feel guilty he is a jerk.  If you talks mean to you and don't help with the bills.  divorce him and sue for the child support. move on he is a ***..

Answer 16

It's seems your relationship is missing the most important thing which is Love. Marriage even though things are not as you would like, the vows are for richer for poorer, sickness and health till death do you part. Try talking it out with him all what you are feeling and how it makes you feel when he say these things. Once he knows how you feel maybe he will try to do better. You just keep being kind hearted and eventually  he will appreciate what he has. If you deep down some where in your heart still love him. just keep praying for a change to come, When he be mean respond with kindness trust guilt will touch his heart and he will come around. Good Luck.

Answer 17

don't feel guilty about it. First of all he should be mean to you, second he should be helping to pay the bills and third he may not be right for you. if counseling isn't an option (which I don't believe it works anyway) then talk to him and let him know where you stand and go from there. you can not force yourself into loving someone..it's either there or it isn't. don't feel guilty about it... do something to fix the situation... stay and try to make it work (but BOTH of you have to do it) or leave and find happiness.

Answer 18

He sounds like a jerk.

Just stop paying the all bills and let him worry about it. That is realistically if he has a large percentage left over before he pays his share of the bills.

Do you initiate s*x or touch him? If you are a model wife and do everything right then he is a big jerk and you might do better with out him. You kids though would miss him I bet so it might be better to get some counseling for the both of you. If he refuses then you'll have to say it's either counseling or he will have to live somewhere else.

You are entitled to stay in the house legally because your kids need a roof over their head. If he still won't go and gets abusive then you'll need to change the locks while he's out.

Answer 19

YOUR BILLS??? you are married they are called "our bills".

If you dont love him then why are you still with him? if its becuase of the kids thats the wrong reason! im a child of divorced parents and as much as i would of loved for my parents to work things out, im happier now because they are happier!

the no s*x and no touching may be because he has fallen out of love with you as well... sometimes that just happens. there is somone out there for you! that WILL love you and show that he loves you!!

Answer 20

It sounds like you've just built up a lot of resentment for what he's done over the years.  Maybe your finances should reflect a percentage of your earnings so that you both have the same amount of money left for yourselves.  Resentment alone isn't enough to stop loving someone.  I'm sure you still love him, but it's hard for you to feel that love for him all the time if you're angry.  

Answer 21

You are wasting your life with a man like that. Leave him and give yourself AND YOUR CHILDREN a better life.

If you put up with **** like that you are teaching your children to do the same. and i am sure you do not want your kids to go through the same stuff you are.  Show them (and yourself) that you are stronger than that and find yourself the man you deserve.

s*x is important, even if you have learned to go without...

And when you are married it is no longer, your bills and my bills... its OUR bills...

Not worth the trouble... so dont waste your time feeling guilty and move on.

Answer 22

we all experience c**p with our partners and this is not new.I put up with c**p everyday and I don't get any s*x either(I DONT WANT IT) I give him a tickle once a month(maybe) and we are only 6 years into it.I was married before and that lasted 24 years and I just moved on.Don't feel guilty that's a wasted lot of POO.You are the only one who can decide what You want to put up with and how much You can stand.I was called fat s**t w***e and a lot of choice terms.Men suck and so do I once a month.Just look after Your kids,Your old man maybe just a pig and that's normal for men.Good Luck in what ever You decide to do.

Answer 23

he is not there for you and he doesnt want to be married to you

get a clue.....he is saving his money for himself and if he has not had relations with you then he has a girlfriend somewhere.. open your eyes..save for a attorney you will need one... Why isnt he paying for the kids ?  Tell him from now on he will be the one to make purchases for the kids clothes/school/field trips/allowances....If he is really mean to you then you need to start taking a stand ( you are teaching your children that it is ok to be treated like a zero peron). YOU are their role model - stand up for your rights !!  tell him if he continues to  treat you  badley then to get out and pay child support and spousal support .. It may change his tune... good luck

Answer 24

You shouldn't feel guilty. I think that when you have an abusive spouse, they push you, and push you until there is little love left. It's like a sponge and the harder they squeeze (abuse) the less liquid (love) is left. This is a very poor example, but I hope you get the point. It isn't your fault. It is probably time to move on and live a happy life or go to marriage counseling. Good luck.

Answer 25

Why should you feel guilty for something you haven't done or created?  Just because he is your husband doesn't give him the right to say mean things to you.  Plus all money in a true relationship is fully shared.  There should be no hers or his money, especially when it comes to house hold expenses.  It almost sounds like he is simply just living with you and not really a participant in the family dynamics.

Answer 26

Maybe its time to separate. Go out and find a man that makes you feel good.  You only live once, you should be happy.

Answer 27

Wow! Everyone in here has mentioned divorce like marriage is nothing special and it's just that simple. Divorce should be the last option if all else fails especially if you have children together. Communication is the key to a successful relationship, try talking to him. If it is hard to get him to listen to you, go to a couples counselor. If that fails, then maybe divorce is the answer. Good luck!

Answer 28

It is always hard to severe a marriage. However you must realize that this is not a good way to be living. Being alone is definitely going to be better in the long term, even though it *will* hurt in the short term.

From your description, it seems like there is no longer any respect, love, affection, even financial bonding left in this marriage, which makes it a bad one. Muster up some courage and get out of this mess, for your own sake.

Don't worry about the kids. They'll find a way to cope.

Good luck to you.

Answer 29

The easy thing to do is leave, get a divorce.   That's why our divorce rate is through the roof.  The RIGHT thing to do is to exhaust all possible forms of "trying."  You didn't mention anything about counseling.  People CAN fall back in love and get the respect back that was lost.  It's more like your room-mates than spouses.  Seems like you both have just given up and aren't trying anymore.  Although you say you feel nothing....you still do or you wouldn't be here.  You're feeling guilty because you still do have some care for him.  Seek a marriage counselor.  If you can't afford it.  Go to Church.  Seek a counselor through Church.  You should go regardless if you don't already.  Get out of the "you do your thing, and I'll do mine" routine.  Some people don't take the "til death do you part" literally.  Know that you tried everything you could before you call it quits.  If not, guilt will always be there.  Communication is the key and if you don't have that.....you need someone who can communicate for you......hence a counselor.  Don't waste your time going if you don't want to TRY make things the way they once were.  You have to be willing.

Answer 30

well you shouldn't, verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, when you vowed to wed there were promises that you two made with god, i mean a marriage rule book, but he has broken every last rule, example, love, trust, caring, and being a backbone to your family, i know you are stuck, but pick one those examples, and it will show you why you feel the way you feel,the thing is, when are you willing to be number 1?

Answer 31

You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty. If your husband decides to be an a** all of a sudden, that's his choice, not yours. You can't try to love him...if you don't, you don't. I would suggest seeking marital counseling. If that doesn't work, I hate to tell you, but I would leave him. Being stuck in a loveless or even emotionally abusive marriage is good for none involved, especially your children. Don't put up with him. You don't deserve to.