I have written a poem. Please comment. Thank you.

Question

A sonnet in the manner of Shakespeare:

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Sonnet IV

How can I describe your fine gauderies?

When you’re the mirror on whose silvered glass

Beauty’s face dances with my lustful eyes

That spelled, stare at a head of wired brass

The bright face where a thousand stars do shine

A sumptuous banquet where your joy and mirth

Feed with delight the hungry heart of mine

And with love’s music spin the idle earth

If beauty be the wind, then clouds are love

But you know that the golden heart of skies

Whose throbbing heat, causes the winds to shove

The clouds to bless the blue chest with beauty’s prize

A chainless heart is where true beauty dwells

A mask-less face is where this love excels

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Answer 1

I have read your poem which i didn't understand

It was more boring than my own brand

When you write a poem don't talk about sh**

Stop with all this and suck my d**k

Answer 2

nice

Answer 3

just beautiful~~~keep up the good work~~~

p.s hope to get best answer though~~~

Answer 4

Do you see what I meant now Lullë ?

Answer 5

say wha???

Answer 6

You posted this sonnet earlier and I responded at that time.  The second quatrain, viz. "The bright face where a thousand stars do shine/A sumptuous banquet where your joy and mirth/Feed with delight the hungry heart of mine/And with love's music spin the idle earth" is particularly rich in imagery and music, your music as a poet!  The parallelism of "chainless" and "maskless" in your concluding couplet sustains the description you have woven of lover and beloved.  You do have a few metrical shifts that are distracting, and you will easily find them if you read the poem aloud or, better yet, reference the syllabic stresses in a standard English dictionary.  Yet, I would consider this poem a great success and an artistic statement.  I would also like to commend Dragon Lady for following up on your earlier posting and looking at your poem and its reception; she knows of what she speaks...gymnast23, I am sending you a saucer because clearly you could only appreciate something shallow.

Best wishes.

Answer 7

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Did you really write that or am I just ignorant of a great poem? Wonderful.

Answer 8

Dear  friend,

Gaudery- Cheap or pretentious or vain display.

Did you really mean to use this word?

I think that you have tried to hard in this sonnet, though your intention to copy Shakespeare's style was admirable there is a lot of revision required for this reader to accept it as you intended. It seems to loose itself in far to many flowery words and phrases.

Robert