I heard that abuse victims are sexually deviant. Agree or disagree?

Question

I think of what it would be like to have s*x with every man I meet. I walk around perpetually horny but when it comes time to do the deed, I feel stone cold, completely uninterested. How do you get past this? I am 42 yrs old and would love to enjoy intercourse at least once before passing on to the next world.

Answer 1

Not all abuse victims have sexual problems.  It is not a given and it does not have to be the case for you.  However, you will probably need to address this issue with a therapist in order to work through it.  And if / when you have a prospective partner, if that person was willing to work through it with you, that would be terrific.  I wish you the best.

Edit:  It doesn't matter that it took place 30 years ago.  If it is still having an impact on your present-day life, therapy is the way to go.

Answer 2

What do you mean "eligible" for therapy? Being stuck with this question for 30 years....wouldn't that mean something to you? Not that it's "abnormal", but it could really help if you had someone tell you what you might be going through in a professional viewpoint. Regarding your situation, I've also felt the same way. I just had to force myself to love the things I do more, to love my relationships more. THough, our circumstances may be different...I really can't tell you what to do...hope all goes well.

Answer 3

Have you sought therapy? If you can afford it, seeing a good psychiatrist who specializes in this area might help you.

There's nothing wrong with being sexually deviant (as long as you don't hurt anyone). Lots of people have "deviances" (there are entire subcultures and communities based on sexual deviances such as bdsm and fetishes).    

Answer 4

They are not necessarily deviant, but tend to have a considerably higher percentage of problems having to do with sexuality. I suggest that you seek therapy, soon: try EMDR at some stage, possibly even first: see sections 33 -24, and 20, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris

Answer 5

You have a hurdle within you, obviously.  But since you don't know exactly why (unless you were the victim of the abuse) and what to do about it, get some counseling to address that issue specifically.  Sexual issues are complex and deep, and simple answers on this forum are not going to be enough.

On sexual attraction, most of us go around evaluating others we see as potential s*x partners.  This would be particularly true of persons who don't  have s*x regularly or never have--due to a build up libido.  So I do not think that is defiant. Being horny is certainly not deviant.

Years ago before going to Viet Nam, I worried that I might die there a virgin, so I got to dating and did have s*x before I left. So I know what you mean.

On abuse victims being deviant.  Certainly possible but not guaranteed.  Some would be, some not. It depends on the person and a whole host of other factors and influences.

Again, the problem you describe is deep and long-term.  Simplistic answers here on Yahoo Answers in all likelihood won't provide a cure.  Try some counseling, couldn't hurt.

Also, you might want to check this book out.  It contains powerful tools that can be of real help to you, but in your case I don't think it will be enough. Don't let the title (a poor one) put you off!

http://www.amazon.com/Ten-Days-Self-Este...

Best wishes.