I honestly don't know what to do anymore....?

Question

I have this one incident that happened almost 2 years ago (when I was 16) that I just can't seem to get over. You can read about it here: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Av9aFjCVyvLQ.zdLVPGwATnsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080806130658AAaWy9u

and here: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgvqrC6HXbC_aqnDQ2c9qyrty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080708083940AAxnqJ6

I feel like this incident is going to restrict me from enjoying the rest of my youth and I'm going to carry the burden of it for the rest of my life. Many people have told me I don't even know if anything happened because of it, but sometimes I feel like if there was even a chance that I did something wrong or something bad happened, I'm like a bad person, worse than trash. Sometimes I try to get over it by going out with friends but it only helps temporarily or sometimes not at all. I've started to donate some of my paycheck to charities to maybe help me feel better, but I don't know how much this will do. But my ultimate fear is that this incident is going to prevent me from forming a real relationship with someone I love as sometimes I feel like I don;t deserve this type of love or that I'd be obligated to tell them about this incident and it would just make me sound weird/heartless. Sometimes I even think that what I feel and my own "self-inflicted" loneliness is what I deserve for possibly hurting this person... Any way I guess I'm asking for some way to reslove these feelings or if my thoughts are characteristics of any conditions out there?

Answer 1

The best answer to one of your posts is correct:  the girl likely was not suicidal.  Almost everyone has problems with relationships (cyber or otherwise); while the experience hurts, they don't attempt suicide; sooner or later, they get on with their life.  

Your involvement with the girl is typical for teens.  it is part of the learning experience which hopefully will lead to a long term serious relationship down the road,  But the lessons are not always pleasant (and divorces in adult life are far worse). Relationships of any kind evoke strong emotions, both positive AND negative, which explains her behavior.

If she was suicidal, there likely is a problem like depression which is not your fault.  If so, she was at risk - regardless on her contact with you.  She would need professional help, but for a problem you did not cause.

If this continues to bother you and affect your ability to meet other women, get help.  But likely, it is a matter of meeting the right girl - and falling in love with her.

Answer 2

From what you have said, and from what I have read in your other posts, you are getting upset over NOTHING. You dont know what happend to that girl. Just cause somebody says "GO DIE" in a chat room doesnt mean that they are saying it because they know she killed herself.

She is most likely living her life very happily. Also, I am interested to hear how in the world you managed to talk about this with your parents. lol

Answer 3

Because you have no proof the problem is not what you did to her but what you are doing to yourself.  You have made up a tragic outcome and tortured yourself with it for two years now.  It seems obsessive.  I believe you should go to therapy and possibly be prescribed meds for OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder).  You can research this online to see if you think the symptoms fit.  Therapy and medication can take this obsessive fear away, so you can begin to enjoy life again.  I hope you get help.

Answer 4

its not real. its like agonizing over a sad movie. I think you need to stay away from chat rooms for a long while and do something else with your time.

it's nice that you are a good person with a conscience, but I doubt that you caused any harm. you should move on.

the cyber thing...its fantasy. get away from it for a while so you can regain your perspective of the real world.

you will be ok. and keep talking to your folks if this persists. you have good parents.  

Answer 5

Everything kills you a little bit.  Especially love.  You and she twiddled around the edges of love and established a link, you broke it, and now you feel guilty over hurting her.  Don't confabulate the issue by wondering if she was hiding in the bathroom with a razor blade--she got hurt.  End of story.  It happens.  It's not your fault.  Good people still cause hurt.  If you're not willing to cause hurt, you are defenseless and the first mean chick who gets under your skin will own you for life.  And a miserable life that'll be.  So don't sweat it.  It was a learning experience, you learned from it, and your guilt is admirable in that it shows you have a soft heart.  You'll make someone a good boyfriend someday.  Someone who isn't as messed-up as your internet chick.  Suck it up.  Man up.   Strap on some prosthetic testicles, grab a few beers, and go wash the situation out of your system with a fat chick or something.  Talk to someone in a college fraternity; those guys are generally experts at treating women as objects.  Sounds like you are balanced a little too far on the "treating them like people" side of the teeter-totter.  Admirable, like I said, but that's not what they want.  I'm gonna get flamed by a dozen pissed-off teenage girls for that, but it's true.  They want to be treated as people sometimes, but sometimes they want...no, they /need/ their man to just sit back and say, "you're beautiful".  Good luck.

Answer 6

There are a couple of points of view here.  One:  She has SO moved on.  She is gone and you are probably not even a memory.  It's cyber and let it go.  Go to the library and find you a human being.  Just do it.

Another is below.

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You wouldn't worry what people thought of you if you knew how seldom they did.

Everyone is concerned with #1, themselves. They don't care what you're wearing, as much as they care about what they're wearing. They aren't so concerned about what they think of you as they are as about what you think of them.

"Enough about me, let's talk about what you think of me" is a fundamental truth of human interation.

So when you're at a party, and you think everyone is noticing you, they're not, they're hoping that you'll be noticing them.