I hurt my mom and I don't know how to fix it.

Question

I'm from Europe and I live with my husband in New York for 7 years now. My mom came visit me this summer and we invite her to stay with us for a month. It was her 3rd visit in US. It went terrible. My husband think she is acting like a child (she is 56 year old) and she couldn't do anything by herself . She doesn't drive, doesn't speak English and she is scared to go out by herself so she wouldn't get lost. So I was spending my whole time with her and it was just too much for me to take it after almost seven years not seeing her. I was nice to her and she had best time with me but I spend time to chat with my sister online and I told her everything what I hate about mom and what my husband think of her. Now that my mom is back home living with my sister she found out everything from history and she is so hurt. She won't talk to me and she is crying for most of the time. She said to my sister that she is done with my husband a with me she need time because she don't understand how I could be so nice to her and then talk like that behind her back. i feel so measurable and I don't know what to do. I'm scared that she is never going to trust me again.

Answer 1

explain to her you were frustrated, apologise and then keep talking to her, even if she wont really converse with you, write to her, leave her messages, ask how she is, even if she doesnt respond right away she will eventually, shes a mum, be positive with her and be patient with her, imagine being 56 and not being able to do all those things us independant sorts take for granted, the worlds probably a bit scary for her.

good luck i hope it works out.

Answer 2

life's little lessons,

don't bad mouth family members to other family members ! !

give your mom some time to heal and recover from what ever it was that your sister told her.

then just blow it off and go on talking to mom as if nothing ever happened.

after all, you said that you did have a good visit with her.

Answer 3

To make things right, just give your mom some more time. Perhaps a few weeks. Then write her a letter of apology and explain why you didn't tell her how you felt when she was there. Tell her you didn't want to make her feel bad on her visit. Tell her you were stressed out and didn't want her to know so you wrote to your sister instead. Promise to never keep anything from her again...and then stick to that promise. The next time she visits, if you're feeling stressed, give yourself some room. And if your husband knows better, he'll keep his comments to himself instead of making you feel worse. good luck

Answer 4

First of all, of course she is flipping scared of getting lost and not confident about going out by herself.  At her age not knowing English or the city of course it is intimidating.  Also, I imagine the main reason for her coming was to visit you, maybe you didn't need to take her out all the time, she might have been quite content just spending time with you at your home.

Of course she is hurt and yes what you did was very hurtful and behind her back.  The only thing you can do now is apologize and be sincere in your apology.  I am not sure if your sister is ally or back stabber, she might have showed your mother the e-mails.  If she was your ally maybe she could help straighten things out with your mom, but I smell a rat here.  I mean how did your mother find out about the e-mails if not from your sister?

Anyway getting back to your mother a sincere apology and a lot of patience it may take her awhile to forgive you for this.

Hopefully she will eventually, best of luck.

Answer 5

why not try the truth? you have done nothing wrong but talk to your sister ok so it was on the computer and your mum found the message, if your mum never saw the message every thing would be fine but she did see the message so you have to explain that rather than upset her you were trying to manage by your self,it didn't work out to good so was talking to your sister about it looking for an answer to your problem.

the truth is always easier to swallow than lying she knows you tried to do the best for her so she should have no problems with the truth    

Answer 6

All you can do is keep apologising. It must have been very hard for her to find out that way how you felt about her visit but i can tell you know that and you are sorry. Write to her maybe and explain yourself in why you didnt tell her while she was there and let her know you really didnt want to hurt her feelings. We only get one mom...just let her know how much she means to you x