I just found out I'm pregnant&I told my boyfriend&he freaked out and he wants me to give it up for adoption?

Question

I just found out I'm pregnant&I'm excited&scared all at the same time. I told my boyfriend & he freaked out saying that he's not ready, we are not ready, either financially, emotionally or otherwise. We have been together for 4 months & I've known him for 6months. We get along so well, most his family loves me, my family loves him & we seem to be just great for each other. This is the first initial problem that we have had in our relationship&its a big one at that. He wants me to give the baby up for adoption but I don't think I can do that because I have PCOS which is Polycystic Ovary syndrome which could make it really hard to have children&I am scared that if I give it up for adoption I could never have anymore children&that would crush me.Also all my life I have been in&out of foster care&to have my child go thru somewhat of the same thing, I just don't know if I can do it! Please help me in figuring out what to do in my situation. I love him very much but this is asking too much!

Answer 1

Forget about your boyfriend and the rest of the world for a moment. What do you want?

As you just found out you are pregnant there is plenty of time to decide what to do. You could have an abortion. You could choose to parent. Or, you could choose to relinquish. But you have to do what is right for you, as you are the one that has to live with your decision. And if you choose to place your child for adoption, well they will have to live with that too.

Even if you do decide to go along with what your boyfriend wants simply for the sake of your relationship, well there is no guarantee he will stay with you regardless of what you decide.

If abortion is not an option for you, then I would focus on keeping yourself healthy, both emotionally and physically and looking into programs that can offer you emotional and financial assistance after you bring your baby home. I personally would not consider making an adoption plan until after you have given birth and had time to hold and bond with your baby. Right now, your child is just a concept, but the real thing may make you decide to parent.

Good luck!!!

Answer 2

A friend of mine was in your position years ago.

In a nutshell, her boyfriend found a family that wanted to do a private adoption. He almost had her convinced it was for the best. Fortunately, in the state she lived in  had more stringent laws for private adoption. The Pap wanted to be in the delivery room and be the first to hold the baby. The law prevented it. As soon as she had held her son, she knew she could never let him go.  Her boyfriend came around and left again. It was the best thing for her.  Keep your feelings for your child separate from your relationship with your boyfriend. I would keep your child for the simple fact of you medical history. It could be your only chance to have a child and new mothers are almost never ready.  Good luck.

Answer 3

Wow! Keep your baby and "adopt out" the boyfriend.

Honestly, men should not be sexually active if they are unable to accept the responsibility of becoming a father. Do not let this self centered man who will NEVER carry a child to pressure you into anything. Stand up for yourself and your baby. You both deserve to be treated better.

Answer 4

Abortion? NO! do NOT have an abortion! that is NOT right! i dont care you you are!  Adoption, Yes i see where your coming from, But keep it! Have the baby, you just might have to have a Cesarean Section

Answer 5

i say if you want to keep the baby then

you deff. should. and if your boyfriend cant

accept your decison then forget him. a child is more

important.

Answer 6

Whether you can ever have another child or not is not the issue; because one child will never replace another - ever.

Please don't abandon your baby.  You are your baby's whole world.    If you really want to, you will find a way.

Answer 7

While the decision does rest SOLELY with you, I had to answer this question, because when my mother was 15 years old, she was in almost this exact same situation.

   I am an only child.

Answer 8

For now, stop leaning on this guy so much for support. Don't get an abortion either. Don't give it up for adoption for now. He might come around. If he doesn't, do what YOU think is right, regardless of what he says. Maybe your mom or dad would take the child and raise it, or another close family member or friend.

Answer 9

Let it sink in for a while and let him be involved with ultrasounds and appointments. He might change his mind. But remember, this is your decision too!! putting a baby up for adoption is something you can't take back... If you don't think you can give this baby a good life, than it is something to consider, but ultimately, you are the one having the baby, and its your choice. If its out of the question, then you need to tell him that you are keeping this baby with or without him... If its meant to be and he is a "man" he will step up and take responsibility... Find out what YOU want before making any big decisions. You still have lots of time to figure things out... Also, adoption is a lot different than foster care!!!

Answer 10

my girlfriend is adopted and she has a great family ...

my best friend is adopted and he has a great family too ...

there is nothing wrong with being adopted , im pretty sure (in these 2 cases) the adoption was a fantastic success and the people were better off ...

some people have babies by accident and they are pretty sure the baby will be better off in an adoptive family ... people that adopt have to go through a lot of expense and effort to qualify ...

they dont let just any loser adopt a baby ...

if you want to raise the baby thats great , if you give it up thats great too , the baby will be fine and you will meet him/her later and tell your side of what happened (im not sure how this part goes yet)

thank you for not choosing abortion , your baby might grow up and cure cancer or something

good luck

Answer 11

Its in your body. Do what you FEEL is right. If he leaves then hes a bad guy.

Answer 12

A child is something special and so is a mother. What do YOU want??

Mother and baby come before everyone and everything so don't let ANYONE else make the decision for you!

Hope all goes well for you! x

Answer 13

What do YOU want?

Adoption is a permanent solution. It's not a decision to be taken lightly.

You've been together all of 4 months, and honestly you sould like a teen by your question. Are you prepared to raise this child by yourself?

Don't let anyone pressure you. Make this decision on your own. It's your baby too.

People will be emailing you left right and center on here telling you that adoption is the right choice and you'll be giving someone the biggest gift possible.... make up your own mind and decide what's best for you and your baby.

And certainly dont listen to agency's that appear to have your best interests at heart... they don't.... all they want is your baby.

Answer 14

abortion?

Answer 15

well there are plenty of men in this wolrd but you may never have another chance at becoming a mother you have to do what you think is right for you and the baby hope you make the right choice

Answer 16

What birth control failed?  Because I am assuming you were using some.  If not, then I would have to agree with your boyfriend and say that you are not ready.  s*x is for making babies, and it worked in this instance.

Answer 17

Hey i know exactly what your going threw. In the end its your body your choice. I choose adoption as my path i knew i was in no shape of form to be the kind of mother that my daugther needed and my dude had 2 kids and told me he couldnt take on another right now so adoption was the best thing for us. It's open so i'm in her life and i got to pick paretns for her. Adoption worked for me but it might not for you if you want this baby then i say keep it you have time to decide on what you want and if he doesnt come around i'm sure your family will support you no matter what you choose. good luck hang in there

Answer 18

I think the saying goes that women are parents when they get preg, men are parents when they see the child.

He may or may not come around, but it is ultimately your choice and he can't tell you what to do. If you want it, keep it

Answer 19

6 months is not a long to know someone before starting a family with them.  If you want to keep your baby be prepared to do it on your own.  It sounds like your boyfriend is not ready to be a father and also sounds like he does not WANT to be one.  This could potentially be a deal breaker for him.  If he is not ready, then he will not be there for you or the baby.  If you chose to keep it, just make sure you are ok doing it by yourself with the help of your parents.  Kids are hard to raise with a full mother and father around.  

On a brighter side, many women raise their children by themselves.  Only you can make the choice of what is best for you and your baby.  Think long and hard about it and don't let anyone else talk you into anything you don't want to do.

Answer 20

If you want this child, you should have the baby.  If your boyfriend doesn't want the committment, then you guys should break up.  When the baby is born, have a paternity test, and if he is the father, then go to court and get him to pay child support.  You both should decide now what role-if any-he will have in the childs life.  Adoption is a great option if you don't want to raise the child yourself.  Don't ever feel guilty about having an unwanted child.  You will make a childless couple extremely happy, and your child will have the best chance at life.  Don't try to persuade your boyfriend to go along with this.  He will always resent this and this will affect the way he treats you and your new baby.  

One more thing:  You have my kudos for not choosing Abortion.

Answer 21

you should do what you feel is right and if you dont feel that putting up your baby for adoption then dont but its up to you and if this is the only chance you might have then i would say dont do it but it is entirely up to you do what you think is best for you and the baby

Answer 22

Your "it" is a future person who did not ask to be brought into this world.  Please think of his/her feelings and consider how he/she would feel about being given away because his/her dad was not "ready".  Yes, your boyfriend is asking too much - too much of his son/daughter, that is.

Please educate yourself about the effects of adoption on your child:

by Nancy Verrier

"Primal Wound" and "Coming Home To Self"

Both books are highly recommended by adoptees.

America is in love with adoption.  Most people do not understand that adoption sucks.

Answer 23

Sweetheart, Men come round. I'm not saying he definatly will but he may. My boyfriend wasn't thrilled but you should see him now. Explain to him you want this baby and he can either be there or not.

If he leaves thats his choice.

Answer 24

honey please dont listen to him ...i have a niece that got pregnet and he wanted her to abort it my family dont do that and told her no so he told her that he would leave her well..to tell you the truth she kept it and they are still togather its been 2years and they might get married and he loves that lil boy to death..so please ..pcos is very serious they say i have it and me and my hubby been trying for 3years with no luck...

Answer 25

If you want the baby keep it......dont let him make you choose between him and the baby...im not telling u who to choose but if it was me i would choose the baby....im also pregnant and just found out..and sometimes men do come around.....

Answer 26

I understand this may be your only chance to have a biological kid, but you still owe it to your child to be able to provide for him or her, not just financially, but emotionally, too.

If you're not ready, you're not ready, there's not much to do about it.

As for your fear of having your son or daughter bounce around in foster care like you did, healthy infants are in high demand, so it's unlikely that would happen if you placed the child for adoption.

I'm not trying to sell you the adoption option, I know it may not be what's best for you.  Only you know that, and no one else can tell you.

Answer 27

You should go with your heart. No matter what happens, no matter what your inconsiderate boyfriend tells you, if you want to keep the child then keep it. You've mentioned that you've belonged to the foster home system. Well then, would you want you child to go through that h**l? That queation is for you to answer.

As to my opinion to your boyfriend... I don't think he really loves you, especially if he's forcing you to give up something or someone-- like your baby. And if he's not redy for a baby, if both of you weren't ready for the baby, then why be so careless? Not that I'm blaming you.

All in All, it comes bown to a few questions and a few more honest answers: Do you relly love your baby? Are you redy for it, and for the possibility that your boyfriend might leave you because of your descision?

Just remember, you can spend the rest of your life regreting what you've done... Or happily living on because of something you didn't do. Just follow your heart!

Answer 28

omg! the egsact thing happend to me!! so what i did... was had the baby... about 6 months after we got married. In that six months when you have your baby.. start planning for the wedding. if your hubby says your not ready mayby hes not the right one for you... if he really cared about u,

Answer 29

You need to do what is right for you and your child, whether that includes him or not is up to him. If you want this baby you better keep it! I can tell it is your gut feeling to do so. He will hopefully come around to the idea and remind him you didn't make this gift of life yourself.

Answer 30

In the end, whether you place the baby, have an abortion, or choose to parent, this is YOUR choice.  It is an unfair part of being a man that they don't have much of a choice after the deed is done.  So, no matter how much pressure he is giving you, this is still your decision, and if you choose to parent, than he will either come around, or...well you will be a single parent.  When you are not married and you get pregnant you need to always be prepared that the guy might not be around (and sometimes even if you are married and you get pregnant the guy will still freak out and leave).  

I personally feel that it is your choice to parent, and you should follow your heart.  Adoption is really hard on the child and on the biological mother (and sometimes father).  There are a lot of resources out there to help you parent, so please contact social services, explain in no uncertain terms that you wish to parent the child, and see what kind of financial support you can get for you and the baby.

Good luck.  You have a hard road ahead of you, but many people have followed this road in the past and survived, so keep your chin up.  Your baby will thank you for it in the long run.

Answer 31

hun....be careful.  I got pregnant and i gave my baby up for adoption. it was the best thing i could have done for him.  i was NOT ready for  a baby.  its hard but it turned out for the best.  and its an open adoption, which helps a lot.  go with what your heart says sweetie.