I just found out im adopted!!?

Question

i have 7 brothers and sisters, ( 4 brothers, 3 are older) (3 sisters, 2 are older) and we just had a party for my neice! my nan got drunk and i had a argument with her saying she is ruining the party. she then said im not even a member of the family! i asked my dad what she meant ( my mum is not really in my life anymore) and he told me all about it. apparantly my real parents were 14 and 15 so gave me up for adoption. i want to meet them but my dad wont have it. he had hurt me enough and he still wants me to hurt more. what can i do to meet my real mum and dad

no stupid answers please, im crying my eyes out and i need advice on what to do!

Answer 1

Im so sorry you had to found out that way! Being adopted is hard to find out when your so old and i believe that its no that your adopted that had you crying but that they lied to you your whole life. You just need to tell him that its not his decision, you want/need to meet your 'real' parents or at least have contact with them. Sweetie your dad doesnt want you to be hurt but he mite not want you to know your 'real' parent for a lot of reason so you should talk to him about it. Go talk to you dad, explain what your feeling and just be honest! Good luck sweetie and know your alway loved n that your dad must have been trying to do the best thing for you. just because you not of his DNA doesnt mean he isnt your daddy, he was the one to change your dipper and chased away your fears, kissed your booboos and hugged you goodnight.

Answer 2

Hello there what i would suggest you is that you try and act good with your dad and get in his good book. Just wait for a chance like when he is out of control i.e when he is drunk completly just put forth this question in a indirect way as to who and all knew about your adoption and ask him if possible from where you were adopted. If you get the information well and good or else try publishing an AD in the paper about your present and get to the bottom of it. You cannot loose heart now and sit in a corner and start crying just stay brave and get to the core of the matter. And at the end i want to say this to you that u are brought up by them so dont loose them and end up in more problems. Be brave..

Answer 3

awww that is so sad

finding you real parents should be your own choice at the end of the day he cant over rule you on this one

make him feel guilty say well how would you feel bla bla bla..

you need to go to social services to find them , i would help you with that but it depends where you live

x hope i helped

jess

also to add about maybe he has a reason of why he dont want u to , if he cares that bad he would try to protect you and let you get in contact but then again should give you the opportunity

Answer 4

My husband is an adoptee as well.  Some information on what you can/can't find is regulated by law where you are, so you might have to look that up.  I would start by getting your birth certificate to see if your biological parents are listed.  Then try the hospital to see if there's information or if the adoption agency is listed.  Then you can try to contact the agency.  There are support groups for adoptees searching for parents - one may be able to help you emotionally as well as with the process.  The entire process can be very emotional - I highly recommend a support group or somebody nearby who can talk to you about the process.  You may find it difficult or impossible until you reach adulthood.  And it sounds like your dad loves you quite a bit if he doesn't want you looking for new parents - he doesn't want to lose you elsewhere.  

I recommend sitting down with him, after you've had a chance to calm down - you can't act straight away.  Explain to him how you feel and ask him how he feels about the situation.

Answer 5

He is not trying to hurt you. Your teenage parents probably never want to set their eyes on you again. Your adopted family treated you so nicely till now that you did not even know you were adopted. Your Dad took you in and took care of you like his own daughter when you "real" parents abandoned you. That is very nice of him and you should be very grateful to him for that. Your "real" parents were probably just horny teenagers who had irresponsible s*x and thought of you as a "mistake" to get rid of. Do you really want to meet them?

Giving birth does not make one a parent. It is the person who performs the parental duties that deserves to be called a parent. So get over this and treat your family with the respect they deserve.

Answer 6

Wow, that is quite a shocking thing to have happen to you.  You first need to take a little time to figure out what all of this means to you and sort things out in your mind.  It is hard to think clearly when you are angry, scared and hurt. Even if you are adopted, those people are still your family.  Family is more than biology.  That is a very mean thing that your nan said...you are part of the family!!!  Maybe you can start out by talking to your older siblings to see what they know about all of this, if anything.  You deserve to have answers to you questions.  The best way to get answers is to remain calm.  If they think you can handle information, it will be easier to get.  I wish I could help you with getting information about your biological parents but I don't know adoption laws where you are at.  I would talk to your relatives that you feel comfortable with and can trust.  Sometimes finding biological parents opens up another world of hurt.  Good luck to you and I am so sorry your going through this.

Answer 7

big hugs for you chick!!!!! can i ask how old you are ? its possible that your father is just wanting to protect you, and this is initially how he is dealing with the problem, once you start looking into things he s probably more worried that you ll get hurt then that he will lose you to your real parents, you need to think long and hard about why you want to meet your real parents and what expectations that you have out of getting to meet them, and how you will cope if them expectations dont arise. Knowing that you are dealing with this in an open minded fashion may get your dad on board but if it doesnt, finding your birth parents is your choice and you will need to find people around you that can help and support you if your father wont. best of luck chick, but remember easy does it, xxxxxxxx