I just found out my birth father's name. He doesn't know I exist. Should I look for him?

Question

Anyone ever found a birth father that didn't know you existed?

Answer 1

Hope you have more then a name. Date of birth can make the difference in finding or not finding. Also first check SSDI to make sure all is well...**  ~ ETA : Listen To Possum, shes one of the best  on here! Theres a few others but she's more open minded & has goood ideas...(PS : miss you!)

Answer 2

i havent but you should he needs to know

Answer 3

I know in my situation i hope above all hope that my son will one day look me up. There will always be a bond there.

Answer 4

I'd say YES - go for it.

My father did know about me - my parents were married just 6 months after my birth - but the rest of the family knew nothing.

(ah - don't you just love the secrets and lies of adoption!! - NOT!!)

It would be best to write a letter - not too long - and make sure you send it person to person - so only he can sign for it - and make it receipted - so that you get a copy of his signing - then you know he has received it.

Just reach out  - say who you are - that you mean no harm - that you're just trying to fill in the missing pieces of your life.

You have nothing to lose.

In my searching - I would always get to certain stages and I'd weigh up the pros and cons of every step.

When I got to a trouble spot - I'd say to myself - "Can I go any more back than I am now?".

It's been a h**l of a roller-coaster ride - but I'd not go back - any day.

If you need any support - theres a great support forum online - the best I've found in the last 2 years - for adoptees -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

I wish you all the very best with your searching.

Answer 5

That is entirely your own decision, Do you want to meet him, Do you want to see him?  I think perhaps you could approach some family member that would make enquires to meet him, and see what he would like to do. My feeling is he would love to meet you. Good luck, what ever you decide to do.

Answer 6

Not a birth father but I did find my bio grandfather.  He did not know his son (whom he had no contact with) had a daughter.  I called him one day and shared the great news.  We have kept in contact since.  It has been a a great reunion.  We are not as close as we could have been but at least we know each other and are able to share with each other!  Good luck to you!

Answer 7

Only you can answer this for yourself, but it may help you to get advice from other reunited adoptees on this site.

Get their advice on pros and cons and go from there.  Look at it from all sides, he may be very happy to hear from you, he may not be so welcoming so be prepared.

I myself...I'd want to at least speak with him...if only to get medical information, but I don't have as much as stake emotionally as you do.

Answer 8

How do you know that he doesn't know you exist?  When my adopted son was put into foster care and then put up for adoption, the state had to send letters and post ads in the paper, etc. to make the father come forward if he wanted a chance to see his child(ren).  He never responded but the assumption was that he at least knew that he had a child out there.  I always wonder if it would be better or worse for my son to try looking for his father again once he is 18.  If the man never even wanted to meet him then the meeting would be bitter sweet.  It might be a major disappointment but at least it will be my son's decision.  It is really only your own decision and only you know the circumstances that led to your adoption (not us).  Listen to what your heart tells you and be prepared to be let down.  It might not be the grand reunion that you wish for.

Answer 9

I am not adopted, but I have a friend who is. She doesn't know who her original family was. Try and list out the pros and cons of what would happen if you did look for him and if you didn't look for him. Or, just listen to your heart!