I just found out that my fiance hid $25,000 in credit card debt from me.?

Question

Before I proposed I showed her my assets and liabilities and asked for the same from her. After I pushed the issue two more times she gave me the information I requested. She left off two outstanding judgments and additional credit card debt of $25,000. I just don't feel I can trust her and in my opinion she misled me at the least and/or just lied to me. I work in the financial industry and these judgments could have affected my livelihood and credit rating. I don't trust her and don't think I can move forward. Am I crazy?

Answer 1

Not crazy. I'd say she's a bad financial risk for you. I'd start looking elsewhere for a more responsible person.

Answer 2

My crystal ball says don't marry this woman. I see a divorce in your future if you do.

Answer 3

I've not heard of anyone doing this before but I quite like your idea of revealing assets and liabilities. I would be mistrustful too, especially since I've had to suffer from a partner's financial irresponsibility in the past and you can end up virtually supporting them.

Answer 4

say bye-bye-bye-now

Answer 5

No, you're not crazy.  You're not even married and she is lying to you.  Dump her for a more credible model.

Answer 6

You need to reevaluate your relationship.

Answer 7

No, you are being sensible.  This is serious.  At a minimum I'd put things on hold for at least a year, while she works at getting her debt paid down.  But something like this is really a deal-breaker unless you want to live your life in this kind of situation.

Answer 8

You are not crazy. You can tell a lot about a person by looking at their relationship with money....and finances can be a deal breaker for most marriages. I think that if she was on the road to changing her financial behaviour, she would have told you at some point during your courtship that she is working through straightening out her credit and that she's learnt her lesson...without necessarily disclosing the figures so that you will not be caught unawaress.

Did she tell you why she had withheld this information? From being around her and seeing how she spends her money, would you say that she has changed and is more conscious of where her every penny goes? Whatever her reasons I do think she should have accorded you the same honesty and openness you extended her.

Answer 9

You're not crazy at all. It was a very good idea to get this sorted before you proposed.

One thing I will say though, is remember that she may have lied to you because she was ashamed, and because she loved you. She may have had horrible turmoil going through her head over and over again over this. She didn't necessarily do it to be malicious.

Is there any way you can help her? NOT by giving her money or anything like that - but really talk to her about it, if you feel you still love her.

Answer 10

dump her...... you dont need excess baggage

Answer 11

This happens more often than you would think.  I would recommend couples counseling if you still think there is a future.  If you are unsure, postponing the wedding would be a good idea until you know whether or not you can work through this MAJOR issue.  

Money issues are a big deal.  Sure there are more important things in life, but honesty between partners is extremely important for a successful relationship.

I would make sure you keep your finances as separate as possible until you can help her clean up her credit issues and get her on the right path of fiscal responsibility.

Good luck with everything and don't feel guilty if you decide this is a deal breaker.  You are entitled to feel cheated in this situation.