I just found this letter my fiance sent another woman. Read it and tell me what you think! Is he a dog?

Question

Dear (other woman),

I want you to know that our friendship has become quite special to me. I told you earlier today that I was feeling confused, what I've felt so confused about is this flood of emotion I've released about holding feelings for you for so long.

I think you are funny and smart and I think we have a lot of little things in common. The twister makeout party aside I've had as much fun with you the past few days as I've had in a long time. I can't remember the last time I've been ready to burst with such excitement over the simple possibility of spending time with someone.

I'm confused because (my name!) and I have been through some rough spots in the past which come to the surface of my skin as fresh sores whenever she gets into one of her moods. I don't feel the same way about her as I did a couple of years ago. Her moodiness and hypocracy have gotten to me along with the occaisional tone of condecention. Frankly I feel like **** a lot of the time because of (my name!)'s ability to manipulate me into believing that I am an a*****e or a loser.

Regardless of whether or not our fling becomes a thing I want to keep you as a friend and stay in touch no matter what road through life we decide to tread.

Sincerely your friend,

(Fiance's name)

Answer 1

It sounds like you have had a very bumpy road in your relationship lately.  Given the opportunity, I would say he definately would wander and has.  You did not specify what issues are causing these problems,  really doesn't matter.  You need to have a heart to heart talk with your fiance regarding what has transpired between the 2 of you.  You sound as though you were hurt severely and cannot get past the hurt or resentment.  You take it out on him at the drop of a hat, verbally and who knows how else.  You have unresolved issues that can only be put to rest if you talk it out with him.  Would he be open to conversation regarding these issues?  It sounds like the marriage should be on hold   until you can assess how you both feel about one another now.  Can you get past what has happened and forgive him for whatever it was?  Are you still in love?  It sounds like he is dying for attention I am gathering he is not getting from you anymore.  Really try to get to the bottom of your emotions, talk it out maturely and assess what road is best for both of you.  Good luck.

Answer 2

oooo noo! :[ i kno this is going 2 be hard, i can just imagine but u have to dump him before the wedding. he might be cheating on u. but even if hes not, look what he wrote. it sounds like he loves her more than he loves u! thats not fair. i think u should dump him , the sooner the better. i know there are better men out there..

im sorry for what ur fiance said :[

i hope ur ok & i wish u the best of luck!!!!

Answer 3

I don't know if he is necessarily cheating ... yet.  But there are obviously huge issues in your relationship.  You obviously can't marry this man. It sounds like he doesn't want to marry you, or be in a relationship with you anymore.  And obviously you have trust issues with him too because you went looking for and found this letter.

I think you need to cut your loses and fess up you found this letter.  Hopefully he will be man enough to fess up to the way he truly feels about you/your relationship and you two can end things soon.  That way you will have the chance to meet someone who truly loves you for you, and doesn't feel you are manipulative, etc.  And also someone that doesn't get so confused about their feelings after spending just a few days with someone else.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

to me it sounds as though he did have a phisycal affair at least once and that he is emotionally involved or having an emotional affair because he feels things in your relationship arent' "right" and that she is giving him the attention he craves.  I am so sorry for you, don't put up with it, that is always a cop out for guys, he should come to you with the issues at hand and work it out with you not go to another woman.  Good luck hun, and really bring it to his attention that you know and seriously it may be time for you to move on and find a man that loves and respects you and that won't do things like that.  Sorry girl.

Answer 5

You manipulate him into feeling like an a** or a loser?  Honey, I think he just proved he is one all on his own!  I'm sorry, because I know this has to be very difficult for you emotionally, but it's better that you found out his true colors now!  Only you know if you are able to forgive him for this, but frankly, I don't think I'd ever be able to trust the jerk again!  If you can't, then tell him to pack his bags and hit the road!

Answer 6

You think? They had a twister makeout party and he's writing love letters. How did you find this? Maybe he wanted you to find it so he wouldn't have to grow the balls to break up with you himself?

I really think you need to cut and run immediately. Either he feels you've been manipulative and made him feel bad, or he's too much of a weenie to stand it when you make him accountable for his actions (which a new fling wouldn't, so it feels better) or he's lying to manipulate her in to sympathy for him.

I can see no level on which this relationship can be saved. The only gift to you is that it happened before you were married and you're spared the complication of divorce. I'm not sure when your wedding is or how much planning has gone into it but he is in fact cheating on you and he should not be engaged if he feels excitement in hanging out with someone else.

And the fact that he was unfaithful means you can break your engagement with your head held high. Let (her name) have the manipulative dog.

ETA: OMG I totally agree with ThinNTall. He said nothing about feeling conflicted about the engagement or how he would never want to hurt you or that he's committed to his engagement to you. He blamed you for how he's feeling (small wonder that he feels like an a**hole or a loser, gee) and is most concerned with keeping in touch with her no matter what.

YOU should be his no matter what -- you come first no matter what. I have to end this with you no matter what because I'm with (your name). I enjoyed spending time with you, but I realized that my heart and soul are with (your name) and she's a good woman and I made her a promise.

ANY of that would be grounds to talk it out. His assishness in badmouthing you in writing to another woman with no disclaimers about he loves you through it all should tell you that it's done.

You do seem calm about it. Maybe this is the literal handwriting you needed to see to make it real?

Be well. He chooses how he feels and how he acts on those feelings. This is what he chose and this is what he would probably choose every time things were rocky.

I wish I could come over with Cosmos and trashy movies to cheer you up while we burned his photos.

You're better off knowing now, but I'm sure it hurts.

Answer 7

I don't think he's cheating, but I thnk he wants to. Th fact that you're snooping through his stuff and reading letters not addressed to you tells me you have bigger issues between you than a faceless woman in a letter.

Posting it all over Yahoo Answers is an even bigger issue, let alone before you even talk to him about it.

If you love him enough to work it out, ask him what happened and how you can help to fix things between you before he does stray.



But, it sounds like it's time to move on for everyone.  

Answer 8

I'm so sorry to say this, but it does sound like he's cheating.  He has at the least made out with her.  He's also bad mouthing you to someone else in writing.

Actually, if you found that letter, I think he may have wanted you to find it.  It's time for a sincere talk with this man.  Show him the letter and talk things through.  Since he mentions some behaviors about you that make him feel bad, be ready to listen openly.  After that, it's up to the two of you to decide if the next step is to work on the relationship or to go your separate ways.

It's much easier to break off an engagement than to divorce.

Answer 9

Wow! That is serious!  You need to talk to your fiance ASAP!

I personally would be more worried about the things he mentioned about me.  He is obviously unhappy in your relationship.  If it wasn't this girl it would be someone else.  No, it doesn't make cheating right and he should be honest about how he is feeling about your relationship.  Since he hasn't, you need to initiate it if you ever want your marriage (if it even happens) to last.

I would hold off on any wedding planning for now.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Sorry to say this and I know your heart must be breaking, but he is cheating on you.  Dump him fast before this gets any more complicated.  Good luck!

Answer 11

omg girl!

get out get out asap!

how long have you been with him?

Answer 12

DTMFA

Answer 13

Follow your instincts, get out before things get any further

Answer 14

Doesn't sound great, tell him you've read it. He sounds like a ****.

Answer 15

He is cheating!!!!!!!!!! No doubt about it! He obviously has feelings for her. You have to choose if you can live with your husband thinking about another woman! Maybe its time to say good bye!

Answer 16

There are a few issues in this letter that you need to address with him.

First and foremost - you need to figure out if he is cheating on you with this girl. It sounds to me like he is - but, I would want to hear it from him.

Secondly, it sounds like you guys are been through some tough times. It sounds like your relationship is a little rocky right now. Obviously he has some bad feelings towards you for certain things that have happened. Now is certainly the time to address those things and work it out before you decide to get married.

Answer 17

If that is what he thinks of you now, do not marry him. Find someone else on down the road, he is a looser, no one is making him feel that way. Your strong, run and do not look back.  He is clueless, leave him.

Answer 18

he may or may not have cheated with her physically, but he definitely shouldn't be hanging out with her, which is a form of cheating.  there are some serious problems that you seem to be overlooking.  regardless of what he has done, he isn't happy with you and said so in the letter.  you need to talk to him and discuss this with him.  find out why he feels the way he feels.  also, i don't think you want to marry someone who would look for attention elsewhere when times get rough with you.  he has a responsibility to you to be faithful and work with you and likewise you have a responsibility to work with him and not manipulate him into getting what you want.  I don't know the situation but it warrants investigation as to why he may feel this way about you.  Also, it may not work out with the two of you, so, take this time to end it well and learn from your mistakes so that when you do take that plunge you will be ready, mature, and better for it.

Answer 19

Um...you say it SOUNDS like he's cheating???  Honey, he IS cheating!!! Cut that dog out of your life and be grateful you aren't already married to him because divorce is expensive!!!

Answer 20

Yeah, I'd say cheating!

Answer 21

if he's not cheating, he wants to.

he also said some pretty negative things about you to this other woman.

i say, f* him. find a guy that says those nice things about u. and cherishes you and your friendship.

Answer 22

Twister makeout party?  Not only is he cheating, he's basically told her he doesn't love you like he used to.  Is this really the kind of guy you want to marry?  I would want to spend the rest of my life with a man who not only remained faithful to me, but also still loved me just as much today (if not more) as he did when we first started dating.

Show him the letter and tell him that he can pursue the "other woman" freely now because you deserve to find someone who respects and honors you.

Answer 23

He most likely is cheating.

Answer 24

Oh boy... you have some trouble here. Don't imagine things that aren't here in the ;letter, as far as you know nothing physical happen. What is here is a bit troubling. It isn't necessarily an automatic end to me, lots of people get confused when making a big commitment. What you do depends on you. The most important thing is to STAY CALM and STICK TO THE FACTS. If you confront him, do not accuse him of anything more than what he described in the letter- questioning the relationship. Have an open conversation, don't attack him. I am sure you hurt, but calling him a jerk won't solve anything. if you can't handle it, I think it would be reasonable to dump him. I also think that the relationship may be salvageable, it depends on a lot of things. Take some time to collect yourself, even though it is an emotional thing you can't let emotions completely control the situation. Take a walk, a long bath, whatever (healthy) thing helps you. Then think about how you really feel past the initial distrust and hurt, and decide what you think is best.

Answer 25

At the very minimum you should not be marrying this man, not right now anyway. You obviously have a lot of issues to work out if you're going to be in a relationship together and I'm not sure if he's willing to put in the work.

You need to confront and talk to him. Just say, "tell me about _______" and see what his response is. Then you need to ask him if he still wants to be with you. If he does then you need to address your issues or t hey will just follow you throughout your relatioinship.

To be honest though, from your tone you really don't sound that upset about this so are you possibly emotionally out of this relationship too?  

Answer 26

Wow, I think this is when I would end this engagement, since you make him feel like **** and you are moody and hypocritical and you are rubbing him the wrong way, I would dump his butt.  Does he know that you found this letter??????If he don't he would by tonight's end if it were me.

Answer 27

He did not write not one good thing about you and him, he did not state at any point how he wouldn't want to hurt you or how much he loves you or even that there has been too much time invested in his relationship with you...he didn't say any of the "right things".  emotions run high and situations become confusing especially when a relationship is going through some hard times.

What he did however is blame you for everything which is the basis he wants to use to justify his bad intentions (if he didn't cheat he plans on it).

He is not a person you can trust and without trust there is no relationship!  

I must admit that you sound surprisingly calm about it....has he cheated before?  

Anyway, good luck and so sorry!

Answer 28

Dump him! It is sooo much easier to break it off before the wedding than after.

Answer 29

He is cheating, wheather it be physical or emotional....its cheating.   Most of the time emotional affairs end up physical anyway. Its best that you talk to you him about this letter. explain how you feel about it.  Go with your gut feeling,  its never wrong.     Sometimes you can love someone will all your heart,  they are just not good for you and its time to get out.