I just got engaged two weeks ago. Last night my fiance' went out with a friend. Then 3 hours later I called

Question

him and he told me he was at a casino! To top it off that day I had had two teeth pulled. He returned at 12:30am, and needless to say we got into a fight. I was upset that he went to a place like that when we are to be saving money for US/future/wedding. Then he did not even consult with me, he just went. I love him very much and he has never done anything like this in the past, but gezz, don't I have the right to be upset!What do I do now, I really yelled at him last night.

Answer 1

I think you are just mad that he went out and had fuy while you got two teeth pulled.  He should have consulted you if his outing was going to be spending money you both agreed to save for your wedding BUT ......

You are not married yet and you really do not have the right to tell him where to go or what to do.  He is still a free man and men are not always gonna tell you exactly what they are going to do, they should consult but they rarely do, why?  Because they are men.  There are some things about them that you need to learn to accept or find a guy that does not do them, good luck with that

Answer 2

This MAY be a red flag, but if this was his first time then you should give him a break.  If he didn't spend a lot of money at the casino, it's really not worth arguing over.  Yelling at a guy is just going to make him shut down and he will feel like he's being scolded by his mother.  Then resentment will set in and he will continue to do things without "consulting" you.

Just remember though: if you marry this guy, there will be times when you will do something without telling him.  Marriage has its ups and downs.  

Answer 3

He went out with a friend, and didn't come home within the allotted time frame? Does he have a curfew? He was in a casino. did he lase a lot of money? Is he a habitual gambler?

He came home at 12:30? That's EARLY. Is it necessary for him to get your permission to do everything?

Let's cut to the chase. You had two teeth pulled, and wanted him to be there to hold your hand and tell you everything was going to be alright. He wasn't, so you got pissed. You like it that he always lets you know exactly where he'll be every minute. Sheesh, if my FH demanded that I account for my whereabouts 24/7, I'd leave him like a shot! No one(aside from submissives) likes to be controlled. Try not to drive him away over a night out with a good friend.  

Answer 4

personally i think you have every right to be upset with him.  why don't you guys sit down and discuss it?  just lay everything out on the table.  i'm sure you guys will feel better once you do.

Answer 5

You should just set down and talk to him about it.  Explain to him that ya'll need to be saving up for  the wedding, not blowing it at a Casino.  

Answer 6

I don't really think you can be mad.  You are engaged, you don't own him. He's allowed to go out and have fun once and a while.  I mean, if he gambled away the wedding fund, then you have a right to be mad, but as long as it was controlled, I think you should relax that he wasn't out doing something worse.  AND he called you to tell you what he was up to, I think that shows that he wants you in the loop and he cares that you know where he is.  

I wouldn't over react to things like this, it will just create more stress than you both need right now.

Answer 7

his money ....his buisness  

Answer 8

Uh, he's still single and is free to do as he pleases, and spend money as he wants.

Answer 9

Do you two live together and have joint checking and savings accounts or something. If not, then I think that he can come and go as he pleases. Every penny of his money does not need to be spent on your future wedding. You really went crazy on him. If I were him, I would be having second thoughts right now. Remember, you are not his mother.

Answer 10

Geez.  You're treating him like you're his mother and he's an adolescent who went off to the mall with his friends when you told him to do his homework.  Is that the kind of relationship you want going forward?  He doesn't want a mother: he wants a wife.  He didn't do anything horrible here.  He's allowed to blow off a little steam with his friends.  Did he lie to you about what he was doing, where he was, who he was with?  Did he max out his credit card to gamble?  Did he stay out until an unreasonable hour of the night?  Had you two ever talked about what changes now that you're engaged?  Did he share your expectation that every cent you both have will go towards the wedding?  Do you even have a wedding budget and know how much money you need and where it's coming from?  The more of these that have a "no" answer, the more you overreacted.  The problem between you two is not that he went out with his friend and spent a little money.  It's that the two of you haven't talked about some basic things and haven't agreed on what's changed because you're engaged.  You need to learn to communicate constructively, not yell at him like he's a child and you're the authority who's right about everything and makes all the decisions.  He's a grown man, and isn't that what you want?  

Answer 11

I think you guys have a good relationship but i think you guys also should let each other breathe.

You have every right to be upset but getting married is a big step and maybe your fiance just wanted to relax and have some fun...

But you shouldn't be afraid to say what you think with each other because this is the guy that you are supposedly supposed to spend each other day in your lives together.

The more open you are the better it is but that doesn't mean to say that some things should be said.

Honesty is meant to be the base of any relationship.

Answer 12

Sounds like you need to whip him into shape.  My fiance knows better than to do something like that because we understand each other, and don't do things that might hurt the other person.  He sounds like he is just thinking about himself.  I wonder how old you too are, because he sounds immature in his actions.  

Answer 13

yes you have the right to be upset because you need to pour it out... then tell him that you don't like him going to casino then let him speak and understand him... after that forgive him... because everyone has their own mistake he just need to grow and learn from his mistakes don't be too stress.... the two of you just need to fill your love tanks for a happy and satisfying relationship     :>

Answer 14

You sh'ld try as much as possible to give your guy a break. Guys  dislike being corrected too often. Many people go into marriage today without the  knowledge needed not only to improve them but also to sustain them. That's why many of them don't last.

Instead of shouting down on him, why don't you try to understand him by going out with him more often and talk (the communication factor has to be in place) without which any relationship will just wither and die.

I got some of this facts from a resource i'd like to share with you at,

Answer 15

Apologize and tell him your wigging out because you want you two to have the most special wedding possible.  And really, its only been two weeks so the idea might still be new to him?  You know how men's brains work.  ;o)  Do you think he deliberately went out to spend money you don't have?  I doubt it honey.  :o)  It'll be ok!

Answer 16

for some reason men are influenced in ridiculous ways by their male friends. too much testosterone or something. i would have been mad.

Answer 17

I think you have every right to be angry. A good relationship needs communicaion and consultation. It is healthy to have some time with friends, but the way he did it and that you had had 2 teeth extracted is, to me, selfish.

Answer 18

Yes, of course you have a right to be upset! You had your teeth pulled and instead of being there giving you chicken broth and whatever else you needed, he was out with the boys at a casino, spending the wedding money!!! SO, h**l yes!

What you do now is, discuss it with him. Let him know how you feel now and how you felt last night, tell him you're sorry for yelling, but you really needed him yesterday. Also, let him know that in the future, things like this need to get discussed, in order to avoid a fight.

I hope it all works out! =)

Answer 19

This thing is not letting me post my answer!!!

ADD- Okay, now:

I think that's something newly fianceéd/married men have to learn the hard way at some point. Up until now, the've made their own money and spend it as they see fit, without having to consult with anyone about it.

They still have the "I make it, it's mine" mentality, and I think, at some point, we all have to get on their case about it so they realize, the moment they asked you to marry them, it became OUR money, not MY/YOUR money.

Ex

A few months after we got married, I come home from a long day at work, and he wasn't home. Okay, he'd had the day off... I walk into the bedroom, and there was a new La-Z-Boy couch in there, with a reciept, that showed he had gotten it, at a discount, for $190!

Two days earlier, before I went to get my nails done($40), I called him, to let him know I was going to be spending that money, and making sure it was ok. He jokingly made a stupid little comment about how I'm high maintanance, but said ok.

So, if I had the descency to consult with him a $40 spending, why the heck did he not even discuss a $200 one with me?

At that time he was making about 60% of our income, but I was making the other 40%, and it was still OUR money, so I should have at least been warned...

As soon as he got home, he noticed I was not in a good mood, and, as calmly as I could, considering, I tried to explain what had bothered me so...

We are trying to save money for a house, and most importantly, we need to communicate. He didn't get it until I told him: "Well, I make a good amount of money too. How would you feel if I went on a little $200 shopping spree without consulting you first. I make more than that on every paycheck, so by your logic, I'm entitled to do as I want with "MY" money, right?"

That's when he finallly got it!

The "trick" (for a lack of a better word) with men, is to make them see the situation from YOUR point of view, in a way they can relate to. I've used that tactic many a times to get him to see, that even though they don't understand it at first, there is actually a logic to our (females) being upset... It's worked like a charm, so far, and avoids the problem escalating to full-fledged arguments (I keep trying to make him understand, I'm (almost) always right! ;)

So, even though you are right to be upset, you gotta understand where he's coming from, and CALMLY talk some sense into him (literally!)

Good, Luck, and I hope this helps.